DH didn't help little girl

[Whatshisface]

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

I never said that this specifically was endangering him though.
Just that putting your feelings befor that of a stranger doesn’t make you a bad person.

FWIW I do agree that the man in question could have taken other steps however having doubts and walking on doesn’t make him a bad person. Just because he’s not the type to fearlessly jump into action, unlike the other heroes on this thread, so sure that In a similar situation they’d have done The Right Thing, 100%.

Just that putting your feelings befor that of a stranger doesn’t make you a bad person

Putting your feelings before the safety of a small child does in fact make you a bad person.

The OP’s DP made a split second situation not to take the hand of a young girl trying to hold his, as he stepped onto an escalator. The momentary hesitation is entirely understandable. It’s all well and good women (who are generally not subject to paedophile accusations) saying what they’d have done with the benefit of hindsight, but labelling OP’s DP as a bad person is completely unfair.

I don't think it was unreasonable not to hold her hand, even if unlikely that people would misinterpret. However, I think my partner would've probs just held her hand and took her to the bottom. However, he's 6'2, 18 stone powerlifter who used to do amateur boxing and has the luxury of not being afraid of other men. He's been smacked in the face enough times in the ring to not be worried about it. 😂

Your H was just a man who put thoughts about himself before the feelings and safety of a young girl.

lol what a load of horseshit. In today’s society normal blokes have to think ten times before speaking to a young girl, let alone taking her by the hand. The vast majority of men would have done exactly the same thing - nothing (while trying to keep an eye on the situation and seeing that they are reunited).

@MsBombastic555
Agree. The point is he is not a sexual predator so he should man up and help the little girl. He should have stayed with her heaven forbid a real sexual predator had come up to her in the meantime. Sorry, I don't do cowards.

lol

Exactly.
@CupidStunt22 @justfiveminutes I hope people never cast aspersions on your character after a split second decision you made

The whole phrase man up is toxic masculinity at its finest.

It’s exactly this which has lead to this absurd situation

It really is a tricky one. He could of said something like aren’t you going down instead of just ignoring the situation but had he taken her hand you never know how they other parent would of reacted. There’s so much going on with child trafficking in public places it’s hard to tell

If you were there why didn’t you

@SandieCollins I was being a bit sarcastic and implying that he'd have opened his mouth and called out to get the dad's attention and ASK him what he'd prefer him to do. "Use your big boy words" is what I say to my toddler when he's fannying about pointing and grunting and not communicating clearly.

I work on the Underground and see this dilemma often ..men ( even staff ) are very wary of touching children at all. I had one colleague dancing around a child to stop her running off , while yelling for me at the top of his voice ! The poor kid was baffled ! Your DH probably panicked a bit . Don’t be to hard on him.

Tbf, James Bulger was abducted from a shopping centre by being led away by his hand, whilst his mum had lost sight of him for a moment.

I think your husband did the right thing overall and in hindsight after the actual event. If anyone is at fault it's her dad for being on his phone and not having his full attention on her, poor child could have easily fallen or worse and he put all that responsibility onto strangers.

I'm always aware of little people but not everyone is. I couldn't forgive myself if anything bad happened to a child and I'd seen it coming but did nothing - but I wouldn't be prepared for the reaction of a parent who decided to turn their guilt onto me - and that's the danger. So don't make your husband feel bad if he did what he did for good reasons because not everyone out there would see things through your eyes. We are all different and we all have our own reasons.

It's only the last sentence. Get a grip.

On the app, it’s the majority of the OP. Been discussed at length in the thread…

Yup.

I’m sure there was a story on CNN a few years ago where some guy found a lost child at an event and picked her up, then took her round the place trying to find her parents.

He got accused of attempting to abduct her, beaten up by the dad and ended up having to move out of his home town.

"Exactly.
@CupidStunt22 @justfiveminutes I hope people never cast aspersions on your character after a split second decision you made"

I'm not sure why that's directed at me. I've spent the thread saying exactly that - that op's dd only had a split second to make a decision and that we can't be too critical of him. I think someone thought one of my comments sounded critical of him and I agreed and apologised.

The child’s father is waiting at the end of the escalator. You are with your wife and there are others around. As far as I am concerned there is nothing wrong in giving the child a hand to the end of the escalator where everyone can see her father waiting for her. I cannot for the life of me see what the problem would have been here. I do not think OP is being unreasonable at all.

I’m so surprised at all of this because I think in this context, the father is massively at fault for not waiting for his daughter in the first place. Who leaves their nervous small child at the top of an escalator??
but also your DH, if he could see what happened, and knew the father was watching and waiting below, could have easily have helped the little girl. He didn’t have to touch her but just stand next to her and encourage her with words. My husband would have. He helps children in swimming pools and in our local lake when they are climbing inflatables and their own parents have abandoned them to go off and risk drowning alone….. yes I know the concerns of some parents that think no one should even look at their child in case they are planning to sell them into sex-slavery. But abuse rarely happens to a child by a man on an escalator and is much more likely to happen to them by their uncle or friend of the family, in the house and under your own nose.

its a sad state of affairs and I’m with the OP on this….. I would expect anyone to help that little girl (after the father didn’t) and we need to stop being so nervous about these things. It distracts from the real threats.

My split second decision will always (has always) be to help, so why would they? It doesn't need thinking about at all, a child needs help so you help. It's not an ethical dilemma to wrestle with.

Women don't really understand this in the same way that men can't really understand the harrassment women experience day to day.

Exactly. And I'm sure that if this guy had had even 20 seconds to think it through, he might have done something different. But in that split second which was all he had in which to act, he had an instinct that, as women, we don't have. Just as we have different protective instincts that men don't need.

Obviously the right thing to do was help her but I don't blame an adult man at all for choosing not to hang around/touch the little girl in any way.

It doesn't take much as a male to be accused of being a creep/predator. That tends to be the default assumption for any unusual interaction between a man and a child who is not related. So I wouldn't hold the lack of action against your DH personally.

My split second decision will always (has always) be to help, so why would they? It doesn't need thinking about at all, a child needs help so you help.

Are you male or female, @CupidStunt22 ? Because if you're male, in some circumstances it would need thinking about. It might not mean that you don't help, but there are things that a man has factor in, that as a woman, I don't. And considering that factor might take five seconds longer than he has in which to act.