DH didn't help little girl

[Whatshisface]

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

It would bother me too, as it suggests he is putting himself before a child’s safety. Which I guess is his choice, but I would expect more of my DH and sounds like you do too. To be fair, it doesn’t sound like the child was in great danger, on the other hand he could have shouted out “sir you have left your child here, I will stay nearby until you get back” so people knew what he was doing, but that is me with the benefit of time to think about it. I would just talk about it with him, and be sympathetic to his concerns but also make clear you have to put kids first and that is why it is bothering you.

He would have used his what?

I haven’t read the thread yet. I’ve picked up a screaming child who had hurt her head in a trampoline park and carried her down three flights of stairs to find her mum and dad.
Luckily met with ‘OMG what happened and thank you so much’. But no way would my DH do intervene.

This.

This panic about ' oh he can't touch the child is ridiculous!'

He could have taken the child's hand and called out, 'Oi mate, Mate? Is this your daughter?' No paedophile does that!

Your H was just a man who put thoughts about himself before the feelings and safety of a young girl. Fucking terrible state of affairs that he is being supported by people on this thread for that.

And can I just point out that in putting thoughts about himself before the girl, he was actually leaving her alone if there were a man around who wanted to abduct a child.

The fault is with her Dad, NOT your DH!

FFS. Her Dad was on his phone and not paying attention to her. Why should it be up to your DH to step in and potentially be accused of something else?

As a male, some males have created a situation where a lot of people will panick or react if we go near anyone else’s child. I’d probably have done same as DH.

OH FFS! You seriously cannot think of anyway you could have helped this child whilst also making it clear you were helping, rather than abducting this child? Such as saying, like I said upthread, ' Oi mate - is this your daughter?' As you accompany her down the escalator'?0!

And you would rather actually risk a child being alone to be hurt or actually abducted than help her in a way that makes it clear to all around that you are helping? That is utter self-absorption. You should be ashamed of yourself!

Told a friend I had a serious illness breaking it to them slowly. Later told them it was terminal, she replied to me with a smiling emoji.
This wasn't the worst by any means and mostly from people who are usually extremely kind

I think it’s really sad the thought of a child reaching for someone’s hand and them not taking it. She’ll always remember that. How could he get into trouble for holding a child’s hand in a public place with cameras everywhere?

This thread is disgusting!

People who care not what shit about what happens to a child as its only the parent's responsibility. Presumably child protection social workers and police should all be defunded as its only the parents responsibility, not the 'taxpayers' and no-one has any place giving a crap about kids that aren't their own anyway.

And then the 'better for a child to be at risk that a man feel that others may say something mean about him' brigade.

Then the ' I will never help anyone again, because I did once and I got a dirty look or someone shouted at me, and I've decided to let that cancel out all the times I helped someone and people said thanks, but instead let my future behaviour be dictated by that one person who was OTT to me, and just be selfish dick who only cares about myself and fuck everyone else, for the rest and of my life' brigade.

Seriously!

He shouldn’t of just done nothing, he didn’t have to hold her hand but ‘hey mate your daughter is here.’ Would of done.

What if someone had grabbed her in that time and took off with her?

This is Mumsnet and the attitude towards men seems to be that they are one of two things

1. paedophiles
2. paedophiles that haven't been caught yet.

If you argue against it, you're pilloried for resorting to namalt.

I'm not surprised that your DH hesitated and was reluctant to get involved. Men are demonised by society as sex pests who given half a chance will sneak into women's toilets, abuse their wives and girlfriends etc and we all know how paedophiles are reviled. Sadly men do have to think twice in these situations. Women don't really understand this in the same way that men can't really understand the harrassment women experience day to say.

How is anyone going to accuse your DH of anything inappropriate in such a public space as a shopping centre escalator? - since when did men assault children on escalators? And when did holding the hand of a toddler become anything untoward? I think he's using this as en excuse to justify not helping her because he knows you think he should have!

I asked my 15 & 16 year old DS what they’d have done and they both said they’d have wanted to help but wouldn’t dare in case they were accused of something.
My DH has picked up and carried lost children twice at big shows but he’s a police officer and has the confidence to do it even when off duty.
If a parent complained he can at least say well you’re lucky I’m a police officer and tell the to keep hold of their child in busy places

In this Day and age your DH was Right in his Actions

Agree. The point is he is not a sexual predator so he should man up and help the little girl. He should have stayed with her heaven forbid a real sexual predator had come up to her in the meantime. Sorry, I don't do cowards.

Women don't really understand this in the same way that men can't really understand the harrassment women experience day to say

This is such a good point. For men to feel they shouldn't help even when they want to, is really sad.

I completely understand why your husband chose not to have interaction or physically accompany the child on the escalator. Unfortunately there is potential for such an interaction to be misconstrued. Imagine the oi! What are you doing touching my child. She was in eyesight of her parent and safe,that was enough . The parent is responsible for ensuring safe travel,not your husband.

Well it’s easy to sit on your sofa and type all of that out, isn’t it? You can’t even begin to fathom what it’s like on the spur of the moment.

Hysteria about the ‘possible risks’ are one thing, but you’re being equally hysterical about how selfish he was. If he really didn’t give a shit he wouldn’t have looked back, thought about it or told his wife about it.

Also @skinhappy people should put themselves first. They’re not required to endanger themselves for anyone, even a child.

Helping a child down an escalator is not endangering yourself, ffs. People should NOT always put themselves first.

My DH would have stayed with her, he'd have said something to the father though too. He'd have chatted to the little girl until her dad arrived. But my DH died 6 years ago and frankly all men are now considered predators, so he may well have done what your DH did, though he would have said something to the father too.

He totally did the right thing.