DH didn't help little girl

[Whatshisface]

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

DH was driving home when he saw a little girl toddling alone across a road. He stopped and went to her, but was relieved a woman appeared who went and picked her up. She was in immediate danger, but, as he drives a transit van and looks a bit rough(!), he was conscious of how he could be perceived.
She had got out a side gate, adult in the garden assumed she was indoors and vice versa.

I find it very hard to believe that a parent would not automatically help their small child onto an escalator. But, if this did indeed happen, your DH should have shouted to the dad that he’d forgotten his daughter and ask him if he would like him to help her, so that his actions could not be misconstrued.

So you think the OP, and the other posters in this thread who have recounted similar experiences, are lying?

What do you think their motive is?

The dad was distracted, on his phone, (speaking with someone DH said) with his young daughter a step or two behind - for whatever reason, he didn't her/hold her hand, it could be that he's a wonderful parent and this was just a momentary lapse in attention!

I'm definitely judging the Dad bit here...but it's just so sad that DH felt he couldn't help, because he was panicked about a negative reaction. As I've said before...I do feel the safety of a kid trumps personal worry, but then again, now I understand why he did what he did.

@AllHailKingLouis Incorrect

Jesus Christ that's way OTT. You sound unhinged

No she doesnt.

I think she sounds unhinged too.

@MermaidMummy06

I told him to never, ever do it again, even if the child fell. Don't let kids engage you in conversation, either. ... not worth the accusations & you've got to protect yourself.
So out of interest, do you have a line? Kid alone in a public space, likely someone official will come around or kid will wander into a shop etc. But like a previous posters scenario, kid about to fall onto a train track in front of a train. Let the kid die or grab her? And do you also ignore all children in case you're accused or just DH as a man?

Oh my gord, wrong thread! Sorry all! 😂

@MermaidMummy06 why are you telling a grown man off like they are 5 years old?

It's a catch 22 because leaving a kid could mean they come to harm... look at the Jamie Bulger story the kid was snatched by other kids!

Do you have kids yourself? It doesn't seem like it.

The escalator would be moving you have had time to think of what you would do OPS DH had a split second.

I don't know about you but I would feel a right TIT shouting what exactly at the top of the escalators?

Which dad has forget their kid the dad obviously must of been a fair bit in front for DH not to be able to just tap his shoulder and notify him

I wish it could be recognised with these situations that it is not people consumed with paranoia that are the problem, nor is it the people with their head in the sand - it is the paedophiles. These threads always end up with paranoia vs denial. The vast majority of paedophiles are men - fact. There are a horrific number of them out there - fact. This doesn’t mean that all men are paedophiles - fact. I don’t think the ops husband was wrong in his reasoning and he wouldn’t have been wrong if he had helped due to concern over the girls safety either. It would be good if we could stop arguing amongst each other because the perverts out there would be laughing their heads off at this. I am so sick of people being ridiculed due to their concerns - maybe do an intense safe-guarding course, that will open your eyes - but be warned it is very depressing.

You never know how these things pan out nor what happens during the rest of the child's growing up years.
Imagine, years down the line, her having some MH problems (which seem to proliferate nowadays) and mentioning in therapy, to her parents or anyone, that a man touched her on an escalator when she was a young child. Depending on the questioning, her answers could paint a very different picture than the reality.

If she was in real danger, like she fell in a pond and he had a lifesaving qualification when he was 16 and so could remember how to save her, then yes, her safety comes first.

Not in this scenario.

And yes, it would probably be ok if it were a woman who took her hand.

This is only in the UK - they're not so obsessed about everyone being a paedophile in other countries.

It's reallly easy to sit at leisure on one's sofa and come out with what he could have done. But the interval between him seeing the little girl and being able to do something was probably a second. Surely we've all been in situations like that where we've had to make a split second decision, and only later thought what we could have done instead?

I can’t believe people are saying that ops Dh did the right thing??
what if she had tripped and fallen to her death.
my husband would have definitely helped.
his conscience is clear and he’s a dad to 3 girls and would expect any adult male or female to help them in the same situation.

I think if he just took her hand helped her on and walked her to her dad down escalator would have been bestt thing.

My late husband (he's been gone 10 years) used to say this about helping children. He just would not do it because of what people's reaction would be. If we were together he would send me and if he was alone he would find a woman, probably a member of shop staff. Sadly I think he was right. We also had an issue round here with groups of teenagers randomly attacking lone members of the public when the pubs and restaurants closed (quiet village area) Men who had been attacked got problems when they defended themselves (big bully man strikes young lads/girls) so if he went out to meet friends for a beer I used to drive down to the pub and collect him.

My DH would have done the same yours.

I'm fairly sure my husband would have used his big boy words and shouted down to the dad "hey mate, want me to bring her down or wait with her while you come back?". If the answer was wait he would have crouched down to her level and chatted with her a respectful distance apart. I've seen him do similar to a kid who's hurt themselves at the park. I can't imagine a scenario where he would ignore a child who needs help.

Holding her hand to help her on the escalator while her dad is looking up at them is perfectly acceptable. Ridiculous people are scared to help children and just leave them child was in more danger being left up there alone while dad had to run round to get bk up to her thank god someone with sense stayed with her.

They aren't and they are.

He was in complete public, in full view of tons of other people. It would have been perfectly obvious that he was simply helping her. HE chose not to.

Sorry but DH was right (unfortunately). And the dad on the phone was a twat for not being more aware of where his daughter was and holding her hand himself