Should a male teacher have done this?

[mycatisannoying]

During a residential school trip, enter a girls' shared dorm to wake them up?
To my mind it's a safeguarding issue, and there was also a female teacher on the trip who could have done it.
I wanted to seek others' opinions before raising it.
Thanks.

After reading your posts @mycatisannoying
I am thinking that maybe it isn't your poor cat that is annoying ...

or teacher was gay and it was a dorm of girls they don't just walk in they knock ask people to get up if they was to walk in they knock and make sure people girls or boys are decent i.e. covered dressed before entering

I have a problem with it. But then I was molested by a male teacher when I was 10. He should have knocked and not entered, or asked the female teacher to wake them up. He should know, in this current time, he was being inappropriate.

@mycatisannoying I think I'm occupying a parallell universe. I think there is a problem here, yes. Probably just teacher being very unaware, and a bit of an arse, but I would absolutely raise it with the school. I thought this type of ill judged behaviour was just a feature of my school days in the 70's. Sadly not. And for those of you excusing this Off Behaviour by the teacher, absolutely sex appropriate waking of children, or entering dorms. Male to boys, Female to girls, unless an absolute emergency situation. Don't listen to the haterz OP. Girls need strong women to look out for them and protect them. My DD is a teacher, and she would agree with you. Please be that woman we all needed in the 70's, and still now it appears

@milkyaqua sorry that happened to you. I think some MNers really lack imagination sometimes I hope you have a happy life now

It certainly does come across this way, yes.

He shouldn't have gone in. My teenage daughters wear skimpy pjs.

No way should he enter the room.

I went on three or four school residential trips in Y8-Y10 and even in the late 1980s/1990s the teachers never came into our rooms, male or female.

No male teacher I've worked with do this, it’s not appropriate, just as I wouldn’t walk into a boys dorm to do this. It would not be acceptable at any school ive ‘ve worked at. At 13 I would bang the door a few times to wake the girls myself, before heading in if I needed to. He had no idea whether all of the girls were covered before he walked in.

The phone one is also unacceptable, you don’t ask students to police another students behaviour. He does seem to lack an understanding of boundaries.

The blokes obviously a tosser. Is it just other teachers defending him? I can't see another reason, frankly, unless you're a bit hard of thinking. Whatever daughter has done, which appears to be 'not bringing her phone to the trip' it doesn't justify this. I despair.

You wouldn't be asking this if a female teacher had woken your DS up.

Are some posters completely mad! Over 90% of sexual offenders are men!

And no I wouldn't be happy with a male teacher going into a dorm full of 13 year old girls. Why not just knock on the door?

HOWEVER, are you 100% confident this is true? The "secret word" thing seems really strange and almost unbelievable. Has anyone else from the school trip told you this?

Can't believe no PPs have picked up on this, it's a vert strange accusation. Think most PPs have been too busy clutching their pearls with faux outrage that menz would want to see underage girls in pjs!

We can probably never be sure if something like the 'code word for phone' thing is true. But I've known some teachers who really were petty enough to behave like this. In some cases, I did teacher training with them.

Thank you. That's very kind. My life did take a strong left turn after that, for many years, but I am well and okay now.

This is how it's read to me up until this point.

It's especially telling when it's said that a female waking males is irrelevant because it's exactly the same thing in this context.

Are some posters completely mad! Over 90% of sexual offenders are men!

99.1% of sex offenders.
95% of prison inmates
95% of violent crimes against the person.

Yes, we're a bit more worried about men.

OP, him waking up a group of girls, not ideal but tolerable. Him asking fellow students to snitch on your daughter in this way, completely unacceptable. I'd start a new thread about that.

Been thinking g a bit more on this, not much else to do at 5.30am.

And as PPs have said, when my kids have sleepovers, I ALWAYS knock on the door and wait for them to say to come in.

I suppose it's about boundaries and if this teacher DID come into the dorm to wake them. He def overstepped.

@milkyaqua I'm glad you have reached a better place.

Sounds more like you’re annoyed about the phone incident, so are trying to find a way to complain about this teacher.

Well @Hied I certainly noticed it, but I am afraid that I am finding - like you - that most, if not all of it, is hard to believe. I think that the OP's daughter probably did tell her all or most of those things, but it doesn't mean that I think her daughter was telling the truth - sorry, I know that being female ourselves means to many mumsnetters that we should always believe that no other female will ever lie or exaggerate to get out of trouble, but unfortunately my experience tell me different.

I think that the most likely thing to have happened was that the OP's daughter was caught and told off about doing something wrong, so her daughter probably lied a bit, and exaggerated a bit, then because things weren't initially going the way she wanted things to go here, the OP has exaggerated a little bit more.

Unless the male teacher is incredibly stupid and naive, the most he will have done is bang loudly on their door (probably for the 2nd or 3rd time) and told them to get up. As for secret codes, etc I can't decide if that is more the Famous 5, or the secret 7. Of course if that really happened then it is totally out of order, and the Head teacher should be informed immediately.

Surely we've learned by now not to minimise and ignore when a child tells us her boundaries have been breached by an adult.

I'm certainly not saying to go in all guns blazing (children can also blow things out of proportion and get things wrong) but I certainly wouldn't be just assuming as pp are that it's the child feeling vindictive!

OP, I'd be asking your DD a bit more about how she feels about this teacher, how he is with her at school and also on the whole trip. I'd be encouraging her to trust her instincts - they are the product of millions of years of evolution, and they are there to keep her safe. She needs to keep herself safe, and she's not responsible for how anyone else feels about that.

But I'd also be talking about how we address things we're not happy about - nobody is born knowing this, and it's important. Eg I'd state clearly that we don't start rumours about teachers to friends because it causes harm, but we can raise anything with a trusted adult like parents. I'd probably be telling DD that we need to think through carefully whether there's something we need to ask the school or the teacher to change, but that she can also think through very clearly in her mind what she thinks is OK and not OK from this teacher (thinking about boundaries helps to clarify and enforce them).

And?

To wake them up, you bang loudly on the door and shout. Every teacher knows this, we have training and very strict guidelines.
Men are a danger to girls and women. Things have quite rightly tightened up in schools and teachers are now bound by very strict safeguarding rules.
If he has gone into their room, he has committed a major breach of safeguarding and must be reported to the Headteacher. No question.
He will be suspended pending investigation because they cannot have him around girls and no school can permit that.
That's the end of the story. He's not safe around young people, so report him and start the process.

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