Fed up of Judgy comments to DS

[Fattyandconfused]

DS is 12 weeks.

DP has always been obsessed with clothes. Looking smart, designer gear… the lot.

so when I got pregnant I knew we’d have a very well dressed little boy. He has a lot of high end clothes

but for some reason my friends ALWAYS have something to say about it.

always the “you have more money than sense” or “he’s a baby you are ridiculous” or “oh god” followed by eye rolls or bringing other people over “LOOK WHAT DS NAME IS WEARING NOW”

Most of the stuff is from outlets, so end up being a similar price to next baby clothes. But I cant be arsed to tell people that. People also don’t realise that DS wears clothes from charity shops, hand me downs etc. I feel like if I started justifying it by saying “oh well it only cost xxx and his trousers are charity shop” it makes me seem like I’m embarrassed. Im really not.

who wouldn’t want their DC to have the best of everything?

we aren’t in debt and it’s something DP loves to spend money on. People waste money on drink/drugs…

i dont really care what they think, but just get bored of these stupid comments. WHO CARES?
id love to know some responses that basically shuts it all down without me sounding like I’m getting aggravated by it.

People who buy designer clothes for babies don't tend to make good financial decisions
Evidence? None of my children had designer clothes but the sanctimonious posters on this thread are really irritating. You appear to be psychic though so I await your insights with bated breath. Are you really sure that all the people who who buy certain labels are not financially literate?

If a family can afford all of the aforementioned, education, savings for said child, house deposit etc etc and is happy to accept clothes get stained is it then ok to buy high end?

Just wondering what the threshold is because obviously these goods exist for someone. Who is allowed to indulge?

It's weird they care that much.

But it's also weird that you are offended by it but don't want them to know you are.

If you're offended there's no shame in just telling them that.

"Mate can you stop saying stuff about how we dress him, it's our decision how we dress our baby and it's getting a bit old bearing it critiqued!"

Job done. If they keep doing it when you've asked them not to, they're shit friends so you can cut them loose. If they stop, problem solved.

Win win.

there can always be bigger deposits, there can be pension funds!

designer shit is ALWAYS a bad choice if someone had to work for a living.

I can understand why your friends are making comments if you're responding like you are here.

All you need to do is shrug and say you like spending your money on designer clothes, but they don't need to worry you're not getting yourself into debt because of it.

The fact that people are so outraged and judgemental about this is laughable.

The baby knows nothing about designer brands. They have no benefit whatever to him.

So stop pretending you're doing it for his sake. It's all about YOU.

You're using your baby's outfits to show off your own status and values ; and succeeded beyond your wildest dreams. You invited public appraisal and got it in spades. Just not in the way you wanted.

I guess it depends on the relationship you have with the people passing comment. If they are close friends then I’d maybe be more open and ask (non confrontationally) why they feel the need to pass comment and explain how it makes you feel. If it’s just a casual acquaintance then I’d just laugh it off.

Theres no harm in dressing babies in RL if that's what you like to see them in. I disagree with the extrapolation that it indicates poor financial management or a failure to understand and cater for the more important needs of a child.
Some people struggle with the idea that an enjoyment of the superficial can sit alongside an appreciation of other priorities, which is inaccurate and unfair.
The problem is when people who like designer brands consider themselves superior, and imagine people are jealous. Branded clothing isn't seen as a badge of wealth or success by anyone out of their teens. Most people are aware the clothes can be picked up very cheaply, and no one is going to think that someone is wealthy or doing better than them because they've managed to source these clothes. To suggest otherwise makes you sound a bit daft to be honest.
If you like the clothes for their style and quality, fine, no one should judge. But when you go around accusing people of jealousy it just buys into the stereotypes around people who wear these things.

@User112 i don’t know. I can afford to spend whatever I want and so I do. I thought that was a perfectly acceptable way to live.
Apparently I need permission!

Budding fashionista 😆

this has to be a wind up

I still don't see why people can't take the piss out of you for your slightly bonkers desire to dress your baby in tacky designer tat, OP, and you take the piss out of yourself in return. It's a good way to make friends.

It's not about the child - the baby couldn't care less. The child is just an extension of the parents and they dress him accordingly. An designer accessory, if you will...

I think that's often true, but also that it can be a bit more than that.
People who genuinely think labels are 'better' want to give the child that too. If the OPs partner is so keen on them for himself, he obviously thinks they're a high value thing to provide for his son.
Sometimes people also want to send out the message to the world that they have the means to provide for their child, that they are wealthy, and their child will want for nothing, so they are 'good' parents.
Others who have not had much materially when growing up may have memories of being the kid at school who never had the 'right' clothes and was maybe teased or excluded, and so want things to be different for their own child.

“The best” clothes are very comfortable, wash well without fading, shrinking ir twisting, and don’t need ironing. It has absolute nothing to do with designer labels, which on babies are nothing more than a statement about the parents.

Gosh, most people have missed the point and done EXACTLY what the OP has complained of. She asked for help in what to say to her friends when they commented about the clothes - not help in commenting and judging her and her DP's choices! What a ridiculous thread of replies.

OP, you want the best for your child: absolutely. It's not up to Mumsnet to judge what is best based on your post. If you and your DP spend money on clothes - so what?! Best hobbies - so what?! The best life - fantastic! What we all hope for for our children.

It is so difficult to say something in a nice tone to a friend when you already resent their judgement. You'll have to practice a phrase (perhaps with a smile in your voice) along the lines of "Do you mean you don't you like this outfit?", "What do you mean?" Or the Mumsnet classic which frankly is the most appropriate: "Do you mean to be so rude?" Which I would apply to many many posts here.

Come on everyone. Don't jump on to judge what someone spends their money on - that's not the point. Would you like your choices to be judged? How many of you have bought some trendy, overpriced ridiculous item for your children at some point in your life?
Kindness. If you don't know what to say to help, don't respond to the thread. Move on.

Given the OP imagines that her friends are jealous of her because their children are not dressed in 'the best' and wear 'uncomfortable bobbly' clothes, I think it would be difficult to suggest responses that are both 'kind' and would achieve the OPs aim of putting the jealous people in their place. The OP knows full well that her sons clothes will be judged and wants them to be. If she didn't she'd put him in more discreet clothes. Not all designer wear has logos. As others have pointed out, she was just courting positive judgement. Which is fine, but when you do that you do have to take the rough with the smooth I think.

And here it is in a nutshell.

Why wouldn't you buy a sweatshop-produced, tacky piece of clothing with designer logos on (or any other expensive object of desire that your child asks for), if you had the funds to?

Well.

-Comfort? Designer clothes are often scaled-down adult clothing, or bulky, or synthetic, or the logos are all itchy for them on the reverse...

-Ethics. These things are made in sweatshops (and often the same places that churn out Primark) by people - often kids - who are paid a pittance, in horrendous conditions. The manufacture of disposable fashion and plastic tat is fucking the planet over. If you buy a lot of it, so are you.

-Basic parenting. OP, do you REALLY think it's an ok idea to buy your child whatever he asks for, as long as you can comfortably afford it? He will quickly get bored of things that come easily or too frequently, and then the vicious circle of entitlement kicks in - more and more tat, more often, for less effect. Things lose their value. Your child will NOT see that you work hard for it (kids are pretty selfish and see things differently) they will merely see mum and dad as a source of unending goodies. They will become unpopular with peers whose parents are more sensible, or can't afford constant purchases. This is quite aside from basic money sense - just because something comes with an inflated price tag, does it follow that it's 'worth' that? Sensible people spend sensibly. They don't spunk their money on something that's patently not worth that price, even if they can afford it. How do you think rich people stay rich?

and no OP, your friends are not judging your DS, they are judging you.

But she didn't type that, did she? Having read all of the OP's posts (bar the deleted post from 2 days ago - did she type something about jealousy and uncomfortable clothes then?), I can't see one where she types that her friends are jealous, the other children's clothes are of poor quality nor that the logos are large and clearly on display ("...tiny horse" etc). She did state that her DP is obsessed with clothes and therefore her baby is dressed similarly. What did happen is that she was judged by the mob and defended herself - even though she had asked for advice on how to stop such judgement from her friends.

People on here could be kind by reading her post properly, not judging her choice of clothing and by moving on if they disagree with buying designer clothes themselves. If anyone thinks designer clothes are ridiculous, don't buy them!

Are you really sure that all the people who who buy certain labels are not financially literate?

Yes.

My crystal ball tells me the thread has touched a big nerve.

Please adopt me!

@Cayla3

This is AIBU.

It’s a bear pit.

@Cayla3 youre right. I’ve read all her posts and she definitely hasn’t accused her friends of jealousy. It was suggested by others because cattiness often stems from jealousy.

I think there is a bit of jealousy at play. The brands she mentions aren’t particularly high end & so for them to attract so much attention from her friends I’m assuming they consider them a big deal. Were she buying £500 dresses from baby Dior I could understand it may be concern etc but a bit of RL is hardly a problem. I do sniff a bit of jealousy. Just seems odd that they are making such a fuss.

No, you're quite right. Someone posted with a different user name fully supporting the OP, making very similar comments and with a very similar writing style. It was that poster that made the jealous and bobbly clothes comments.
That same poster then got a bit defensive (on the OPs behalf, obviously) told people on here (a bit unkindly) that they should 'get a life and a job' and said they were going to get the thread deleted.
I thought only an OP could get the thread deleted, so I must have got the OP and the person who posted saying something only an OP would usually say mixed up.

By the general tone of your responses, I think others are laughing at your choices. To believe you are dressing your child 'the best' way by buying tacky designer logo clothes is ridiculous to most people and they will laugh at you if you think you are giving your child the best. However, if you are buying these things because they give you joy and you like them, ignore what people say. Your baby, your choice. Respond to their comments with ..." I know, mad isn't it but I love it and think he looks cute". I suspect though that you are trying to justify it in RW like you are in here by saying you want 'the best' for your child without realising you are not giving your child the best in life, just what you think others aspire to. You will be coming across as chavvy and others are laughing at you because of it. Sorry if not what you want to hear, just my opinion. People with real money and standing would never buy designer things for a baby.