Fed up of Judgy comments to DS

[Fattyandconfused]

DS is 12 weeks.

DP has always been obsessed with clothes. Looking smart, designer gear… the lot.

so when I got pregnant I knew we’d have a very well dressed little boy. He has a lot of high end clothes

but for some reason my friends ALWAYS have something to say about it.

always the “you have more money than sense” or “he’s a baby you are ridiculous” or “oh god” followed by eye rolls or bringing other people over “LOOK WHAT DS NAME IS WEARING NOW”

Most of the stuff is from outlets, so end up being a similar price to next baby clothes. But I cant be arsed to tell people that. People also don’t realise that DS wears clothes from charity shops, hand me downs etc. I feel like if I started justifying it by saying “oh well it only cost xxx and his trousers are charity shop” it makes me seem like I’m embarrassed. Im really not.

who wouldn’t want their DC to have the best of everything?

we aren’t in debt and it’s something DP loves to spend money on. People waste money on drink/drugs…

i dont really care what they think, but just get bored of these stupid comments. WHO CARES?
id love to know some responses that basically shuts it all down without me sounding like I’m getting aggravated by it.

I think maybe the answer is in your first post: "it makes my partner really happy and doesn't bother me so shrugs". Most people do some non-harmful things that others think are a bit strange because they make a partner/relative/friend happy. You can clarify that your son is perfectly comfortable in what he's wearing and that you'll modify how you pick clothes once you've got a toddler expressing clear opinions about what he wants to wear / engaging in very messy play.

[those are my internal limits - I don't think I'd ever comment on them, but tiny babies in clothes that look uncomfortable with big metal zips or other features that mean they can't lie comfortably on their fronts just look a bit off to me as do small children dressed in very nice/delicate/white clothes who then aren't allowed to play as they want for fear of getting their clothes dirty]

Wanting “ The best” doesn’t mean clothing!
a loving secure childhood has clothes ranked close to the bottom.
It sounds more like a type of “ One upmanship” in the circles you mix in?

He’ll outgrow these in the twinkling of an eye-
Babies don’t care about “ Brands”- the dressing up is purely for the parent’s benefit.

Our DS wears designer gear and always has. So OP I do understand what you mean, but you will have to just learn to deal with it as a throw away comment as it just continues into how much a birthday cake is ? What toys toy buy ? Etc etc. some people will always feel the need to comment on things that don't concern them.

I completely agree with the comparison of drinking for example, I wouldn't say to someone what a waste, just because it's not how I want to spend my money. It's quite ridiculous really.

Just keep saying, "ohh we all like what we like" or if they ask what's he wearing "oh im not sure I don't keep track, but your more than welcome to check if it's important to you "

I taught in a school which had a no uniform policy ( long gone now thankfully) At the start of my first term a couple of girls ( year 1) came in to my class in beautiful dresses, with pretty socks and matching shoes. They couldn't get themselves out of the clothes without help when it was PE. I was told that they mustn't do art or DT or play outside at break time because they would get the clothes dirty. At no point did I think " Wow ,lucky child, what fabulous parents".The clothes were not worn the following day because the girls did all parts of the curriculum that everyone else did. A child, in clean, practical clothes, who can sit and listen, speak in simple sentences, take themselves to the toilet, 'read' a familiar story by using the pictures, is a child who starts school with an enormous advantage . A Ralph Lauren label is no help in achieving any of this.

I can also say the daytime T-shirts we have that are Ralph Lauren or mayoral or others wash and wash and wash a lot better then next and other high street clothes so it's about quality as well, they last.
Next and M&S looked washed out while on the hangers in the stores recently don't know what's going on with them, especially navy or black items of clothing

I think your son would probably prefer that instead of buying designer clothes that you bought a cheaper version and put the difference in a savings account for him, for when he turns 18.

If you want the best for him, then things that will actually benefit HIM are probably the way to start. I want a Ralf Lauren onesie was said by no 2 year old ever, but a 22 year old with a deposit for a house, maybe.

You have an attitude problem and "the best" comment is just ridiculous especially the hobbies The best hobbies for a child are those THE CHILD wants to do Your attitude is causing the problem YABU

Can i just ask is your question,

"i sometimes put my child in clothes that are designed to get a reaction and I'm annoyed that i keep getting one"?

You seem suitably vocal and convinced of your own opinion on here, just share that with your friends and family, i doubt they'll mention it again....

I’d perhaps think it but I’d never ever say anything to you. What’s the point?

I think what your friends and family are trying to say is that the money you are spending however small on clothes isn't giving him the best of everything. A child needs love, safety (I'm sure you are giving him) and a ton of life experiences! Life shouldn't be about acquiring stuff or desiring stuff but making memories. My childhood was spent camping, climbing trees, travelling around Europe (in a tent and back packing at 6). It led me in good stead to travel the world when I was older and I wouldn't change it for the world. I am now trying to do the same thing with my children. I have swam with sharks, seen a penguin hatch in Antarctica, climbed an active volcano, swam in lakes, seen a giraffe munch on a prickly bush, walked the wall of China, have 3 crocodile stories, been to the longest waterfall, rafted on the Amazon. These are the best experiences in the world more so than a bit of cloth!

No need for anyone to be jealous they can't afford RL. Most people know you can pick up RL bits on Vinted for cheaper than Primark. Some people genuinely don't like the look.

As another pp pointed out, branded clothing is often made in exactly the same factories as non branded clothing. By the same people. Could you explain exactly how they are kinder to the environment?

I want my child to have the best of everything. Best clothes. Best hobbies. Best life. No exceptions

I guess one person's best is another person's baffled shrug.

I feel annoyed on your behalf that more people have voted that you’re being unreasonable. How is it anyone else’s business what you dress your child in? If your hubby wants to buy him designer clothes and has the money to do so then he has every right to do that. I have no idea where my friends buy their baby’s clothes, wouldn’t even notice nevermind think to comment on it or make jokes about it. If they’re your friends then just be honest and say it’s annoying you, please stop. If they’re not your friends then just distance yourself from these people, they’re not worth your time.

And to the person above who said it’s par for the course for people to comment on your baby’s clothes… nice comments maybe but negative/jokey/judgemental ones are unnecessary, mean and certainly not “par for the course”.

I get this. A lot of stains don’t come out. Children go through clothes like water. So many different sizes especially in the first year, so not in them long.

As they get older more clothes are likely to be wrecked. Food stains, grass stains ect ect. I don’t know how many items of clothing we have had to get rid of for our three children, that were beyond the point of no return. So this is why I would generally steer clear of designer clothes for little ones.

It’s your choice, there will always be someone who judges you for it. Like pretty much every other aspect of parenting, try not to let it get to you.

Just hug your son right in their face and say ‘you look gorgeous don’t you!?’ Completely brush these comments off people will always have something to say if your kids don’t look tatty. Tatty, mismatched, worn out colours is apparently the new norm…eye rolls

I don't dress my baby dripping in labels! I buy clothes because they are good quality and soft... as I mentioned in my original post if anyone here would bother to read properly! Asda/Tesco clothes are not soft in comparison

So, @bluemeadow89 , are you also the OP, posting with a name change to support yourself ?

I think the issue is the high value OP obviously put in brands. Your friends probably don't have the same opinion and find it a bit ridiculous.
I am a bit like your friends but would never comment or more likely not even notice. But I have some friends like you and they are very proud of their brands and often try to attract attention to the fact ttat they or their children wear branded clothes. I very honestly don't care much. I like some luxuries but high end clothes don't interest me.
Answering your question ignore them. Your money, your kid. But I have a feeling that you don't want really want them to stop commenting.

I completely get why, if you’ve grown up in a situation where you’ve had nothing and we’re obviously very aware of all the things you didn’t have, you would want completely different for your own kids, and I admire that. But take care not to over indulge your ds because kids that grow up getting everything they want can become very entitled, and it’s good for kids to realise the value of things and to know things don’t just land in their laps because they ‘want’ them. I think that’s what previous posts have been trying to say. Designer clothes on babies is not about making a baby happy, it’s for the parents and the reaction so you don’t think you can really complain if people make comments.Xx

@Treacletoots
If you want the best for him, then things that will actually benefit HIM are probably the way to start. I want a Ralf Lauren onesie was said by no 2 year old ever, but a 22 year old with a deposit for a house, maybe
How do you know her child isn't getting money saved for a deposit as well as the odd designer onesie🙄

@Fattyandconfused

My daughter was always in Monsoon baby clothes decades ago.

It gave me so much pleasure to shop and dress her. I can still remember the joy. Beautiful fabrics, hand finished and bright colours.

The clothes were gorgeous. Exquisite little silk dresses.

Everything was carefully looked after, I kept all the wrapping and little bags it came in to wrap the clothes to sell on. When she'd outgrown things they were always sold on.
Because of this her wardrobe overall worked out at the same price as Next.

We were in a privileged position to be able to afford it at that time.

How do people dress their children in designer clothes and then sell them on? Do you not let them eat foods with tomatoes and other food which stains? The only clothes I could pass on let alone sell were never or hardly ever worn.

Sunshine gets most stains out including tomato. My kids weren't in high end designer but I was still able to sell or pass on a lot of stuff after both of them had worn it, and a lot of it was second hand to start with.

People who buy designer clothes for babies don't tend to make good financial decisions.