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Original poster

I can’t go on like this (Money related)

131 replies

CantAffordToWork · 01/07/2022 15:07

My ex hasn’t paid maintenance again, it was due on Tuesday but as always right before my weekend with my DD he hasn’t paid.

CMS are as useless as always and say he has 14 work days to pay until they’ll take action, and last time that action took 3 months because ex told me unless I called them off he won’t pay at all then paid at the last minute to stop them taking it from his wages.

I have enough fuel in my car to get me to the garage, the little bit of money I have left over I can choose to either feed DD with or put fuel in my car so I can get to work next week.

No public transport no family. They basically deserted me after I split with Ex telling me I bought it on myself as they told me not to move in with him.
We split due to his violence and control.

Luckily I can work from home and my boss will insist I feed my DD but if it carries on beyond payday I won’t even have that option because my internet will get cut off as will my phone. I could walk to the office but I owe the wrap around club I use money so can't do that until I've paid them back as they won't take DD (work is 8 miles away, so I'd have to leave at 7.45 latest to get there in time, school starts at 9.10)

Once fuel is taken into account I work for just under min wage. I can’t move closer to work due to the CAO for contact saying I have to live within 10 minutes drive of ExH. (Work is min wage only)

I’m looking for a closer job but I’m over qualified for shop work and have medical issues that rule out care work and cleaning

I’m basically at the point where it’s not financially possible for me to work due to the maintenance. I already lived pay day to pay day before the cost of living, fuel and energy went up.

I’m just moaning really. It seems unfair that Ex swans around in a brand new car living in a house paid for by his family.

I am at the point where I am considering whether living with her dad (the ex mentioned in this thread) would be best for my DD as I just can't afford to carry on like this.

OP posts:
Longmoorlane · 01/07/2022 15:14

I sympathise, your ex should be paying CM, but have your wages already vanished?

bigdecisionstomake · 01/07/2022 15:16

Gosh that sounds awful - I'm so sorry. I don't have experience of this so can only offer general advice but I didn't want to read and run.

Is it possible to get a food bank voucher in the short term so you can use what money you have for fuel next week?

Also, are you claiming everything you're entitled to? It sounds as if you are living very much hand to mouth so you need to check you're getting absolutely everything you're entitled to.

Is there anything you can sell quickly to help with the immediate emergency?

I really think the framework around maintenance payments in this country isn't fit for purpose when so many fathers seem to be able to get away with putting all the financial responsibility on the mother.

Sending a handhold and unmumsnetty hugs Flowers

HSKAT · 01/07/2022 15:18

It is so unfair.

Do you claim benefits?

Does your wage basically go on bills and your left with nothing?

Have you went to food banks?

PansyPetunia · 01/07/2022 15:20

Over qualified for shop work?? Have a word with yourself!

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/07/2022 15:20

Can’t you get the CAO varied? I’ve never once heard of one which specifies the maximum distance each parent much live from the other, it sounds bizarre.

What are the biggest costs you have that you could cut? Your situation sounds very precarious and you know you can’t rely on him, only yourself. If he got fired or died that money would stop altogether.

Are you serving debts? Could you look into a FT WFH job? There are so many now. Are you claiming UC?

luckylavender · 01/07/2022 15:21

Longmoorlane · 01/07/2022 15:14

I sympathise, your ex should be paying CM, but have your wages already vanished?

Not helpful

OurChristmasMiracle · 01/07/2022 15:22

have you tried to claim UC? You are able to claim that whilst working? In December the amount you get to keep for every pound earned changed and means that more people are now entitled to it. Maintenance shouldn’t be taken into consideration.

I would also second a food bank voucher and if possible moving forward look for food pantry’s to reduce your cost of food.

FrownedUpon · 01/07/2022 15:22

over qualified for shop work? That’s a strange attitude. If you need to work, you need to work…

Original poster
CantAffordToWork · 01/07/2022 15:23

I get a top up from uc and I get child benefit. But that money goes on bills and rent and my phone and internet so I can work, then I use cm to put fuel in my car and feed us, without it I have to take money from elsewhere to feed us or put fuel in my car.

The nearest food bank is only open 2 days a week and it’s referral only, so I’ll still have to wait until Monday for a referral.

im already in the cheapest housing possible for the area, my rent is my cheapest important bill cheaper than my council tax.

OP posts:
mortalprojections · 01/07/2022 15:23

Longmoorlane · 01/07/2022 15:14

I sympathise, your ex should be paying CM, but have your wages already vanished?

Presumably they have been spent on water, electric, gas, rent, council tax, internet, food, petrol, insurances, debts. They haven't just vanished have they. Do you think your comment is helpful?

EarringsandLipstick · 01/07/2022 15:23

PansyPetunia · 01/07/2022 15:20

Over qualified for shop work?? Have a word with yourself!

That's your takeaway from this? 🙄

Maybe have some empathy.

disneylover367 · 01/07/2022 15:24

That sounds crap and very frustrating. However I work in a Supermarket and many colleagues are accountants, teachers, graphic designers etc so I don think you would have an issue with this.

Original poster
CantAffordToWork · 01/07/2022 15:24

FrownedUpon · 01/07/2022 15:22

over qualified for shop work? That’s a strange attitude. If you need to work, you need to work…

I’ve had interviews and been told I can’t get a job with them as I’ll get “bored” they literally won’t take me I’ve applied for all the usual supermarkets plus clothes and anything else nearby.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/07/2022 15:24

Men like this should be in prison.

I think you need to get payment attached to his earnings, though that's not going to help today.

Look up food banks in your area, OP. I hope you get something sorted 💐

PansyPetunia · 01/07/2022 15:26

This reply has been deleted

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Mybestyear · 01/07/2022 15:26

PansyPetunia · 01/07/2022 15:20

Over qualified for shop work?? Have a word with yourself!

A friend who is a nurse who took early retirement but wanted a part time job for pin money/get out the house - both Asda and Tesco told her she was overqualified. basically they thought she would leave when something “better” came along. Eventually got taken on by Aldi. I read OP’s comment as being like this.

tootiredtobother · 01/07/2022 15:27

PansyPetunia - please don't berate OP like that,, not many shops still on the high st are there !. and employers don't like employing over qualified people

Swimmingpoolsally · 01/07/2022 15:28

I’m also surprised about the shop work especially as you are on a low income job already.

you should be able to make ends meet with wages and benefits, so something is wrong somewhere, can you list your expenditures and income and we can try to help?

LosDolses · 01/07/2022 15:29

@PansyPetunia @FrownedUpon

I doubt the OP thinks she is over qualified for shop work. I've previously worked in HR and we were reluctant to take on potential employees that were over qualified or who had lots of experience in a different industry. There was no point training somebody up in case they went back to their previous career.

PansyPetunia · 01/07/2022 15:29

tootiredtobother · 01/07/2022 15:27

PansyPetunia - please don't berate OP like that,, not many shops still on the high st are there !. and employers don't like employing over qualified people

I hire enough people myself for retail to know that's not an attitude I've ever encountered

People apply for all sorts of reasons!

EarringsandLipstick · 01/07/2022 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

If you've doubts report it.

I've seen plenty a begging thread in my time. I've also seen plenty distraught exhausted mothers just wanting to share their experience, and so I go with that unless proven otherwise.

Original poster
CantAffordToWork · 01/07/2022 15:30

I’m not begging for money, I don’t want money. As I said I can work from home hopefully until they’ve sorted out CM, but I shouldn’t have to, Ex should pay or have consequences.

I’ll be looking to cut everything I can again, and will sell anything I can as well.

OP posts:
disneylover367 · 01/07/2022 15:30

You have had an interview with a supermarket and at the interview they told you this and you didn't get the position? Sorry im just checking I understood as this is very strange to get to the interview stage and be told this.

Supermarkets are desperate for staff at the moment, where I work they are continually recruiting. 3/4 new people start every week as there is such a high turnover. They make announcements in store asking people to apply and have boards set up at the entrance with available vacancies.

To get to the interview stage and not be offered the job is basically unheard of, unless you very rude to the interviewer or did something bizarre.

Singinghollybob · 01/07/2022 15:32

Hi OP can I ask what kind of work/industry you're in now, just to help us try and think of other options work-wise for you.

Serendipity79 · 01/07/2022 15:34

Its very unusual to have a CAO with those terms about your housing location - what happens if your ex moves? Unfortunately CMS will tell you not to rely on payments from the NRP - it doesn't feel fair but that's the system. If the NRP had no job they'd only pay £7 per week I think it is. I don't understand the bit about not being able to work due to the maintenance.

Make sure you're claiming all you can, if your rents lower than CTax I assume you're getting UC payments towards it? Speak to school to see if there is any help towards wraparound care - I know our school sometimes has access to grants/charities etc.