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AIBU?

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Original poster

I can’t go on like this (Money related)

131 replies

CantAffordToWork · 01/07/2022 15:07

My ex hasn’t paid maintenance again, it was due on Tuesday but as always right before my weekend with my DD he hasn’t paid.

CMS are as useless as always and say he has 14 work days to pay until they’ll take action, and last time that action took 3 months because ex told me unless I called them off he won’t pay at all then paid at the last minute to stop them taking it from his wages.

I have enough fuel in my car to get me to the garage, the little bit of money I have left over I can choose to either feed DD with or put fuel in my car so I can get to work next week.

No public transport no family. They basically deserted me after I split with Ex telling me I bought it on myself as they told me not to move in with him.
We split due to his violence and control.

Luckily I can work from home and my boss will insist I feed my DD but if it carries on beyond payday I won’t even have that option because my internet will get cut off as will my phone. I could walk to the office but I owe the wrap around club I use money so can't do that until I've paid them back as they won't take DD (work is 8 miles away, so I'd have to leave at 7.45 latest to get there in time, school starts at 9.10)

Once fuel is taken into account I work for just under min wage. I can’t move closer to work due to the CAO for contact saying I have to live within 10 minutes drive of ExH. (Work is min wage only)

I’m looking for a closer job but I’m over qualified for shop work and have medical issues that rule out care work and cleaning

I’m basically at the point where it’s not financially possible for me to work due to the maintenance. I already lived pay day to pay day before the cost of living, fuel and energy went up.

I’m just moaning really. It seems unfair that Ex swans around in a brand new car living in a house paid for by his family.

I am at the point where I am considering whether living with her dad (the ex mentioned in this thread) would be best for my DD as I just can't afford to carry on like this.

OP posts:
uncomfortablydumb53 · 01/07/2022 18:00

Contact CAB as they can go through your income and check your entitlement to benefits just to be certain you're not missing someone
They can also apply for any grants or charities on your behalf
Could you look into challenging the CAO because the distance clause usually only applies in exceptional circumstances( eg child/ parental disability)?
I do hope your situation improves very soon

Zeus44 · 01/07/2022 18:05

PansyPetunia · 01/07/2022 15:20

Over qualified for shop work?? Have a word with yourself!

Yeah so what if she is? Not every one wants to go work in a shop when they’ve spent years getting educated. Sometimes getting a job in retail is detrimental to your career!

IGotItInTheSales · 01/07/2022 18:10

InChocolateWeTrust · 01/07/2022 17:34

Gwenhwyfar

What massively valuable qualification has OP actually got given that her current job pays.... minimum wage

I was also wondering this...

summerin69 · 01/07/2022 18:12

I think OP might mean she has tried to apply for shop work but is told she's over-qualified or something along those lines, not that she believes she is. Let's give her the benefit of the doubt shall we - she's in a terrible situation and money worries/ex worries can do terrible things to confidence, motivation and resilience.

OP - agree with other posters who say do check to make sure you're getting every benefit you're owed. Definitely consider food banks for the interim. Wishing you all the best.

Whatever00 · 01/07/2022 18:23

You can call the water board if you are on benefits you can get a discounted rate. You can do the same with your Internet provider.

Yaya26 · 01/07/2022 18:30

FrownedUpon · 01/07/2022 15:22

over qualified for shop work? That’s a strange attitude. If you need to work, you need to work…

Even if OP got another job in a shop this would likely be eaten up by childcare/ travel costs.

Bignanny30 · 01/07/2022 18:31

Why are so many of you fixating on whether or not OP should or could get a shop job. That’s not actually the issue here.

KosherDill · 01/07/2022 18:31

Sorry to hear of your woes.
Is there a church nearby that might have a fund to give you a small loan or fuel voucher to tide you over?

Is there anything you can do on weekends, such as child-minding in your home, or pet sitting, that would bring in some cash to help build an emergency reserve?

Best of luck to you.

Crikeyalmighty · 01/07/2022 18:32

I think given the OP is clearly in a bad situation and naturally anxious then people should stop nitpicking and being to be frank extremely bitchy. There but for the grace of god and all that. --

Trolleydollytabby · 01/07/2022 18:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CallOnMe · 01/07/2022 18:48

Once fuel is taken into account I work for just under min wage.

I don’t understand if you’re so qualified you’re working for minimum wage now?
What job do you currently do?

I think this is your main issue here.
Follow the advice given on here but you really need to sort your job out.

You need to get a better paid job so you’re not putting most of your wage into fuel.
Or find a job that’s closer to home so you’re actually able to spend the money you earn on other things apart from fuel.
(or move away from ex which would be the best thing to do).

You say you have a medical condition that means you can’t be a cleaner - do you get any disability payments?
If not look into it as you may be entitled to a bit of help.

You could ask UC for an advance but you may have already taken this out and it of course doesn’t solve the long term issue.

Rainbowqueeen · 01/07/2022 18:49

Sympathies OP. It sounds really stressful

Id email rights of women and womens aid and ask for help in getting the order to live 10 minutes away from your ex changed. It sounds like this is a big factor in your financial stress. Tell them what you have said in this thread. Id also email your M P
I’d also get cms to deduct the maintenance from his wages. Yes you get a bit less but at least it’s reliable and will help you budget.

SpangleSparkle · 01/07/2022 18:52

Something really needs to be done about this situation, to many mothers are left in this position trying to do their best and struggling to make ends meet all the time. There needs to be harder consequences for not paying for your child 😡

Scottishskifun · 01/07/2022 18:58

Google to see if you have a community food hub/larder/shop nearby they are different from food banks and don't need a referral usually and have fresh fruit and veg. Ours is either free or £5 membership depending on circumstances. Stuff has short date life usually but you can definitely get enough to make a few meals with.
Look at your bills again can you switch to things like a sim only deal for £5 a month for a mobile. There are also car share websites which is a cheaper way usually to get to work have a research and see if it's possible for you. Quite a few charities and churches also have emergency funds they are small value usually things like a bag of shopping etc rather then cash but they can help

Favouritefruits · 01/07/2022 19:14

Try Lifepoints.co.uk you could earn a few quid tonight for a loaf and soup. Your story is heartbreaking I wish I knew you to help.

Mally100 · 01/07/2022 19:15

Some good advice and tips here. I absolutely feel for you op, hugs. What a shit bag your ex is.

Favouritefruits · 01/07/2022 19:16

Somebody up thread said about your local church, they definitely won’t give you any money but will give you food, knock at the vicarage. My friend is a reverends wife and always batch cooks to give people who come knocking.

Squareflair · 01/07/2022 19:17

It's not easy to work in retail anyway unless you luck out and get set shifts, even rarer now to get full time work. It is also possible to be looked over because you're over qualified- people assume you'll leave soon or your experience isn't as relevant as someone who has worked in retail previously.

suzy2b · 01/07/2022 19:18

try too good to go you can pick up food for about £3 that is left over

stuntbubbles · 01/07/2022 19:27

OP isn’t working for minimum wage. She’s working for minimum wage once she accounts for fuel. She obviously spends more on fuel than needed because of the CAO order. And in case no one’s noticed, wages haven’t risen in line with inflation for decades, but fuel and cost of living have skyrocketed. If she could move, or walk to work, she’d be better off: but she can’t walk to work because she owes money to wraparound care so can’t use it. She owes money because of the deadbeat arsehole controlling ex: and some of you are no morally better than him, sneering at her qualification and experience instead of empathising with her being trapped in a shitty situation designed to drive her back into an abusive relationship. Honestly, fuck this vipers nest sometimes.

CallOnMe · 01/07/2022 19:35

OP isn’t working for minimum wage. She’s working for minimum wage once she accounts for fuel.

@stuntbubbles OP said she works for minimum wage.
And that it works out less than minimum wage once she’s taken her fuel expenses out.

It’s not being a viper to suggest that if her job is minimum wage to get one closer or to get one that pays more as she’s so qualified.

snowballupahill · 01/07/2022 19:36

Hi - Thought worth checking if your wraparound care is an Ofsted one as per the earlier poster and their point about reclaiming childcare costs via UC. If it isn't would be worth looking for one that is.
Also don't know whether Next Link could help - I think they are part of women's aid and provide practical help and advice - you might need a referral from women's aid. It may also be worth getting back in touch with your family (if you have the emotional bandwidth) to see if they are now willing to help post the break-up, if only for your dd they may not be aware how difficult things are for the both of you.

Fruitteatime · 01/07/2022 19:45

This may feel impossibly embarrassing but could you email school asking to meet with the head teacher or pastoral care. Schools often have access to grants and funds that could help. They may be able to cover the school club but only if you can be honest about your circumstances. Otherwise is there a family centre nearby as they may have help which you could refer yourself to. Agree with looking for a community fridge or olio for food in the short term.

Fruitteatime · 01/07/2022 19:48

Christians against poverty can help if you are on debt. Also Google if your cancel has a crisis loan.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 01/07/2022 19:49

I work in management in a supermarket and we don't even see a cv. You answer a series of questions online about how you would react in various different scenarios. Successful candidates are called in for a group session and if you are chatty, friendly and are flexible with your hours you are in. No references, no qualifications no cv.

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