I can’t go on like this (Money related)

[CantAffordToWork]

My ex hasn’t paid maintenance again, it was due on Tuesday but as always right before my weekend with my DD he hasn’t paid.

CMS are as useless as always and say he has 14 work days to pay until they’ll take action, and last time that action took 3 months because ex told me unless I called them off he won’t pay at all then paid at the last minute to stop them taking it from his wages.

I have enough fuel in my car to get me to the garage, the little bit of money I have left over I can choose to either feed DD with or put fuel in my car so I can get to work next week.

No public transport no family. They basically deserted me after I split with Ex telling me I bought it on myself as they told me not to move in with him.
We split due to his violence and control.

Luckily I can work from home and my boss will insist I feed my DD but if it carries on beyond payday I won’t even have that option because my internet will get cut off as will my phone. I could walk to the office but I owe the wrap around club I use money so can't do that until I've paid them back as they won't take DD (work is 8 miles away, so I'd have to leave at 7.45 latest to get there in time, school starts at 9.10)

Once fuel is taken into account I work for just under min wage. I can’t move closer to work due to the CAO for contact saying I have to live within 10 minutes drive of ExH. (Work is min wage only)

I’m looking for a closer job but I’m over qualified for shop work and have medical issues that rule out care work and cleaning

I’m basically at the point where it’s not financially possible for me to work due to the maintenance. I already lived pay day to pay day before the cost of living, fuel and energy went up.

I’m just moaning really. It seems unfair that Ex swans around in a brand new car living in a house paid for by his family.

I am at the point where I am considering whether living with her dad (the ex mentioned in this thread) would be best for my DD as I just can't afford to carry on like this.

There is an "earn £10 a day" thread in Money Matters I think, where there are lots of ideas for survey sites / micro tasks and many more that you can do from home when you have the time and that pay out reliably. It's not a bad way of earning a bit of extra money that can make all the difference.

I would go back toCMS and ask them to do a deductions of earning. Short term this is going to leave you short as I'm sure he won't cough up in the interim whilst it is set up. But then the money will come each month.

I've been in your position having left an ex some years ago.
I'm going to list things that helped. Won't be at all offended if they are not relevant to you. I'd rather offer ideas. In no particular order.

1. Credit isn't great and I don't know how your rating is, but joining the local credit union helped me get by when at rock bottom. It is not a quick fix, rates are very cheap and you save at the same time but some lend on the basis of child benefit and making a relationship with them means you have something to fall back on if your fridge packs up or other such emergency. They will have a website with available facilities.
2. Electric bike instead of car? halfords do a scheme where you can get your employer to buy it and you pay back in instalments.
3. Turn2us. This is a bit time intensive, but you can do applications over the weekend. They have an online tool whereby if you put in your details (i.e. employment etc they show you charities and so on that may help you in the short or longer term. The criteria are quite wide and diverse and some are regionally related). It is possible to get grants towards existing bills.
4. Food banks yes, but there is also a thing called Community Fridge. You join for a few pounds and can access food etc to take away. Food comes from surplus requirements. You may even be able to volunteer a few hours a week and take away food.
5. Credit card loans? Shift to zero per cent to give you some breathing space/cut your APR.
6. Electric/gas - British gas and some others have a grant organised for people in hardship.
7. Please, please don't give up on living with your daughter because someone else is putting your under financial strain.
8. Also discuss with Survivors of Economic Abuse there may be something else you can do regarding CSA.
9. Local authority grants. Martin the Moneysaver usually has these listed.

Hope some of this is helpful.

So because you haven't then the OP is lying...

Happened to my SiL too. So maybe, there's a tiny possibility, that you don't actually know everything...

Not sure why posters are rounding on your about the shop work comment OP. As you e said it makes you less likely to receive a job offer. Plus if you’ve already reached your personal allowance the tax and NI deductions would probably not make it much worth your time especially after childcare etc too. And the toll on your well-being would not be worth it.

Honestly I would just continually get onto CMS about it. How frequently does he pay late?

How can a court say you have to live within 10 minutes of somewhere?!

It was intended for clarity, hoping the help would come afterwards.

I’m certainly not judging and my own salary vanishes alarmingly quickly but being left with nothing for fuel, food, bills because of lack of child maintenance didn’t seem to make sense, which is why I wondered what was happening with the OPs salary.

You could also try 2good2go for food OP

Here is the online tool from Turn2us

grants-search.turn2us.org.uk/

As it says grants do not have to be paid back - it is quite a long faff to access them as usually they need bank statements etc but worth it to bridge you over the winter. Also don't forget the payments from the government should be coming through soon. 300 pounds in July. Details usually on Martin the Moneysaver website.

Agree. I have a family member who spent their entire career in the police force and when retired just wanted a part time job and really struggled for the same reasoning, no where would take them as they were "over qualified" and thought they'd get bored. Which was very annoying as they didn't want anything "exciting", just a part time job to top up pension which gave them opportunity to spend time with their family.

Yes,I second looking on the money boards.I joined up to qmee and streetbees (survey sites) after reading the money boards,and you can easily make a few pounds a day and transfer the money straight to your account with nothing more than an Internet connection and a small amount of time to do some surveys/questionnaires.

People are acting like OP wouldn't apply for shop work because she thinks she's too overqualified. I didn't read it like that before. As above it is used as a genuine reason to reject certain people when applying!

Like that at all* not before.

I know people who have been rejected for shop work due to their qualifications. I know because my niece is a manager and told me that this happens regularly.

I think you shoukd challenge this order thst you have to live within 10 miniutes drive of your ex. I dont quite understand how you can't make ends meet as maintenance isnt takdn into account when cslculating your benefits. Or have you got into debt apart from the money owing to the after school club.

It totally shouldn't be this way, but I think you need to do a budget as if you're not receiving any maintenance, and then if you do it's a bonus. Your ex has shown himself to be unreliable, and someone who does not have your DD's best interests at heart (which is why he's an ex I guess).

If you're serious about getting a job in retail, just don't declare your higher qualifications. It's ridiculous that you have to do that but many employers have the serious concern that staff will leave.

@CantAffordToWork
not sure if your Dd Is under 5 but if she is you can call your local health visiting team asap if you do this before 5pm ask for the duty health visitor and it’s urgent for a food voucher.

due to Covid they can process a food voucher online and email it over to you. This can be used at a food bank so you can have something in the meantime.

Thank you I will check it out

are you a lone parent on minimum wage?

I was wondering the same as @Viviennemary . I don’t mean it in a challenging sense, but it does mean the advice you offer differs. And I’ve certainly been in debt in the past so am hardly judging!

Bloody hell, a desperate mother posts on MN to have an understandable vent and gets called an arsehole for no good reason, she is definitely not the arsehole.

OP, I really feel for you, no suggestions I'm afraid other than the £10 a day money thread in money matters, if you could earn yourself an extra £80 a week or so it will keep you afloat.

Also, please get onto the CMS re your arsehole ex.

‘Once fuel is taken into account I work for just under min wage. I can’t move closer to work due to the CAO for contact saying I have to live within 10 minutes drive of ExH. (Work is min wage only)’

Screw that. Just move and HE can live within 10 minutes of YOU!! He’s not keeping up with his side of the deal so why should you? I’m outraged on your behalf (I’m also owed thousands so am fully aware of how frustrating it is)