I can’t go on like this (Money related)

[CantAffordToWork]

My ex hasn’t paid maintenance again, it was due on Tuesday but as always right before my weekend with my DD he hasn’t paid.

CMS are as useless as always and say he has 14 work days to pay until they’ll take action, and last time that action took 3 months because ex told me unless I called them off he won’t pay at all then paid at the last minute to stop them taking it from his wages.

I have enough fuel in my car to get me to the garage, the little bit of money I have left over I can choose to either feed DD with or put fuel in my car so I can get to work next week.

No public transport no family. They basically deserted me after I split with Ex telling me I bought it on myself as they told me not to move in with him.
We split due to his violence and control.

Luckily I can work from home and my boss will insist I feed my DD but if it carries on beyond payday I won’t even have that option because my internet will get cut off as will my phone. I could walk to the office but I owe the wrap around club I use money so can't do that until I've paid them back as they won't take DD (work is 8 miles away, so I'd have to leave at 7.45 latest to get there in time, school starts at 9.10)

Once fuel is taken into account I work for just under min wage. I can’t move closer to work due to the CAO for contact saying I have to live within 10 minutes drive of ExH. (Work is min wage only)

I’m looking for a closer job but I’m over qualified for shop work and have medical issues that rule out care work and cleaning

I’m basically at the point where it’s not financially possible for me to work due to the maintenance. I already lived pay day to pay day before the cost of living, fuel and energy went up.

I’m just moaning really. It seems unfair that Ex swans around in a brand new car living in a house paid for by his family.

I am at the point where I am considering whether living with her dad (the ex mentioned in this thread) would be best for my DD as I just can't afford to carry on like this.

Have a look in your area for another type of food service. During Covid I donated to one in my area which cooked meals & distributed them & also gave food to people to cook for themselves, along with cakes, biscuits & fruit. They also had a community fridge, which held stuff the supermarkets donated - anyone could walk in off the street & help themselves. People have set up all kinds of things recently - there might be something near you.

I know several people have already pointed it out, but I'm happy to pile on: being over-qualified is not an opinion she has of herself, it's an opinion that potential employers have of her, that stops them giving her a job.

Employers don't want to take on someone who is not going to stick around. If in their opinion you are capable of getting a better job than the one they are offering, they can and will turn you down.

I think being deemed “overqualified” for certain roles is more of an issue when unemployment is high. That’s not the case right now and many places are desperate for people.

I applied for a job at a supermarket last week and wasn’t asked to provide a CV anyway so I don’t see how they’d even know if I were overqualified.

I’m basically at the point where it’s not financially possible for me to work due to the maintenance.

what does this mean? I don’t think that maintenance is income related?

Leave your qualifications off your cv / downplay them?

I'm not sure if it's been mentioned already, but I see that you claim universal credit OP. Don't forget that you can claim back up to 80% of your child care costs back, even for wraparound care if it's by an OFSTED registered provider. If your DC school is providing the care then it almost definitely qualifies, I know it doesn't help right now but it will for the future.

How much do you receive from him?

That's weird. I work in a supermarket and there are literally loads of graduates there...they really don't care if you get bored, you're paid to work not be be entertained!
Having said that, it's irrelevant to CMS payments how much you're paid if you're the receiving parent. Stand up for yourself and get an attachment of earnings.

Men like this should be in prison.

This!

we need a complete overhaul of the maintenance system to make fathers (and it is nearly always fathers) pay. It should come directly from wages if there’s any history of non payments, and persistent non payment should mean prison.

Children need to come first not men’s convenience or pride.

But it won’t happen when we’re governed by absent fathers and sex pests!

Dont list your work experience if shops are turning you down. Just say you've been a SAHP.

If you are on minimum wage what are you so qualified in that would make you bored in retail but only pays min wage

Indeed!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/legal_money_matters/4560650-earn-ps10-a-day-this-jubilee-ant-june-2022

That is the £10/day thread @CantAffordToWork in case you hadn't found it.

Good luck and hang on in there - this sounds horrible.

My ex used to do the same trick OP. Every few months just no payment then CMA used to chase him and give him 28 days to pay the rat paid on day 27 every bloody time. It is a way an ex can still try to control you. Luckily for me I had family who helped me out. Ring your Health Visitor it does not matter how old your child is you need a food bank voucher. Tell HV to put don't have food security for your DC due to ex refusing to pay regular maintenance.

My sister tried to get a second job at as supermarket when her DH was very ill and self employed so no sick pay. She was told she was too qualified so she applied to another supermarket and took off her degree and masters degree and got taken on. She worked 2 nights a week and all day Saturday for 5 years. Could you do that?

Don't let your ex win and steal your DC from you because that is why he is doing it. Sell things on Facebook marketplace or eBay.

There is also something called food club where you pay £3.50 and get to choose supermarket leftovers still in date but short shelf life. Google to see if there is one near to you.

I hope you can find a way to be less dependent on your ex. If you claim UC won't you get money this month from government? I thought that was being paid in July.

There is a new £10 per day thread that was just started today with some useful links,websites and tips on x

"A friend who is a nurse who took early retirement but wanted a part time job for pin money/get out the house - both Asda and Tesco told her she was overqualified. basically they thought she would leave when something “better” came along. Eventually got taken on by Aldi. I read OP’s comment as being like this."

It's definitely a thing that some employers don't like to employ overqualified people because they think they will leave. (or I suspect they sometimes also expect them to be hard to manage).

It's also not a universal belief that unemployed should take just any job. Where I live it's not the case at all. It's considered better to wait until you get something in your field rather than 'ruin your CV'. The unemployment people also don't force people to take jobs below what they were doing previously.

Gwenhwyfar

What massively valuable qualification has OP actually got given that her current job pays.... minimum wage

I've been here so many times. Write to your MP, I got a 250 award once on top of my money. My ex has been messing around too recently, don't give up it's no way to live and he's using money to abuse and control you

Some application forms require every single year to be accounted for so if you have a free space between 18 and 21 or 23 or whatever, it will be questioned.
Also, over-qualified often refers to work experience rather than paper qualifications so OP would have to lie about her previous jobs as well.
I'd suggest deleting any courses that were done part time while working as they don't need to be declared, but I'm not sure about lying or leaving gaps.

"I mean, if your DC’s had just left a gap and if asked about it said they were ‘pursuing a music career’ everyone would assume they were just wannabe pop stars and wasted a couple of years trying to make it big."

Would they? Or they'd think they were in prison...

How do I know but almost any qualification is too much for shop work isn't it?
We don't know what OP did before this minimum wage job.

They can’t be all desperate for staff, I work for an agency that does contract work for several branches of a supermarket and there’s been absolutely zilch for weeks (months) not a single hour of available work in that time and some of those branches are huge.

"That's weird. I work in a supermarket and there are literally loads of graduates there...they really don't care if you get bored, you're paid to work not be be entertained!"

Do you mean 22 year olds by 'graduates'. That's different to someone with a work history.
They don't care if people get bored, but they care if people leave because they're bored and they have to go through recruitment again and that's a faff in every job.

"They can’t be all desperate for staff, I work for an agency that does contract work for several branches of a supermarket and there’s been absolutely zilch for weeks (months) not a single hour of available work in that time and some of those branches are huge."

Supermarkets kept their safe through Covid. I imagine understaffing is more of an issue in hospitality.

This is why maintenance is not included in benefit calculations anymore. They are calculated on the minimum you need to live on without any CSA payments. It’s not right but you can’t rely on maintenance.

If you're over qualified for shop work, stop telling them about your qualifications.

@turquoisebuttons I read it as she can’t physically get to work next week (or any week this happens) because she depends on the maintenance coming in to get there. Not she can’t work because maintenance in general, she can’t work if it isn’t paid.