I can’t go on like this (Money related)

[CantAffordToWork]

My ex hasn’t paid maintenance again, it was due on Tuesday but as always right before my weekend with my DD he hasn’t paid.

CMS are as useless as always and say he has 14 work days to pay until they’ll take action, and last time that action took 3 months because ex told me unless I called them off he won’t pay at all then paid at the last minute to stop them taking it from his wages.

I have enough fuel in my car to get me to the garage, the little bit of money I have left over I can choose to either feed DD with or put fuel in my car so I can get to work next week.

No public transport no family. They basically deserted me after I split with Ex telling me I bought it on myself as they told me not to move in with him.
We split due to his violence and control.

Luckily I can work from home and my boss will insist I feed my DD but if it carries on beyond payday I won’t even have that option because my internet will get cut off as will my phone. I could walk to the office but I owe the wrap around club I use money so can't do that until I've paid them back as they won't take DD (work is 8 miles away, so I'd have to leave at 7.45 latest to get there in time, school starts at 9.10)

Once fuel is taken into account I work for just under min wage. I can’t move closer to work due to the CAO for contact saying I have to live within 10 minutes drive of ExH. (Work is min wage only)

I’m looking for a closer job but I’m over qualified for shop work and have medical issues that rule out care work and cleaning

I’m basically at the point where it’s not financially possible for me to work due to the maintenance. I already lived pay day to pay day before the cost of living, fuel and energy went up.

I’m just moaning really. It seems unfair that Ex swans around in a brand new car living in a house paid for by his family.

I am at the point where I am considering whether living with her dad (the ex mentioned in this thread) would be best for my DD as I just can't afford to carry on like this.

No one has called her an arsehole. She’s had loads of sympathy, solidarity and suggestions. She’s also had questions because the answers might inspire even more advice.

Yes you are judging. The old “I’m not judging but…” doesn’t change that.

I know this doesn't help right now but you need to go on collect and pay with the CMS. The money will be deducted from his wages and paid directly to you. You will have a small deduction for this service but quite honestly, I'd say it's worth it to ensure you get the money each month. I have been in the same situation and it's just shit

If you're serious about getting a job in retail, just don't declare your higher qualifications.

Absolutely do this, and play down previous roles. It is normal to tailor your CV and interview to the role you are apply to.

Yeah! Cos most recruiters for sale based shop work will place someone qualified in something other than retail behind their counter.

Hint: they don't, they expect that person's to leave when a job in their industry comes up. Recruiting is. expensively.

I feel for you, it's an awful situation to be.

Have you tried the app Olio? People list free food they have going spare. Its goal is to cut down food waste.

Hello everyone.

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread and so we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. We strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon.

Also check this thread:
survivingeconomicabuse.org/i-need-help/getting-support/supporting-children/

He’s a dick but if he’s got form for this then you need to try not to use every penny you have incase he doesn’t pay. When you don’t have much to start with I know how hard that is.

If it is one day late then ring CMS straight away.
If they see he has form they may pick up on it too.
Does it not come out of his bank automatically?

You also need to leave things out of your CV so you’re able to get shop work. Right now anything is better than nothing.

Sorry op but I am wondering whether you’ve applied to your local authority for council tax reduction? That’s not including in your UC and has to be claimed via the local authority. I know this doesn’t help now but if it’s a major bill there may be some help there

check a benefits calculator such as entitled to and that should tell you.

Is there an option for your local council? Do they have a household support scheme ongoing

OP you’ve got the biggest hug from me, im currently in a financially abusive relationship and I know the feeling of them living it up whilst knowing you’re struggling. You’ve got this. Hang on in there and I’m only a message away if you need to rant or chat xx

I was thinking that, we used to have a retired college lecturer working in our local supermarket. So many people knew him from when they'd been students. His qualifications didn't seem an issue.

I have a friend who manages a fast food establishment. I wasn’t applying, but we were having a conversation about jobs one day and she said she would never hire me or someone like me if she had any other candidates. someone with “better” options isn’t going to stay long enough to justify the cost of on-boarding and training.

op, I would still advise you to keep looking for a second job of your ex is reliable about his custody time. It may take some time to find something that works given schedule limitations and circumstances, but it may be the best solution long term.

This advice may be hopelessly out of date since technology may have rendered the job obsolete, but transcription might be worth looking into. It’s a talent, some people can make money at it and some people really can’t because they are too slow.

As you’re in a situation where you might need help more frequently than a food bank will provide, have you looked to see if there are any food pantry type schemes in your area? You pay £X amount as a ‘membership’ and you can then shop for groceries worth a lot more than that. There will be different schemes in different areas but the general idea is to provide subsidised food for those who need regular help with food costs and save food waste.

www.theguardian.com/society/2017/mar/22/pantry-tackles-chronic-food-insecurity
www.yourlocalpantry.co.uk/what-is-a-pantry/

I don't believe for a second a court would force you to live within 10 minutes of your ex. I've been through family court and they couldn't stop someone moving 4 hours across the country with their DC! So that doesn't ring true to me at all.

You need to stop relying on your ex, surely if this is a regular Occurrence you should of sorted it so it doesn't keep happening? As for the shop job thing.......

Definitely go and look at the money boards,there are so many useful suggestions and links.Sign up to the survey sites and online earning tasks and you may want to keep doing the work even when you get your money sorted,to build up some money and reduce stress when things happen in the future.💐

Yes, someone did call her an arsehole, the comment has now been deleted by MNHQ

OP wasn’t being disparaging - as @tootiredtobother says, shops/supermarkets generally won’t hire people they perceive to be over-qualified. It’s a big problem for many when job searching. They might interview you but you’re really not going to get the job.

Obviously there are exceptions. But the point is, no matter how willing you might be to work these jobs, many times they just won’t take you. It’s by no means a sure thing.

if a comment got deleted then why are you bringing it back up @Spanielsandlabs

My sons (26 and 24) lost their jobs at the start of the pandemic and unsuccessfully applied for work in all the local shops. Ds2 has two years of retail experience but because they both have degrees and play piano and violin in several orchestras (so are dedicated and great team players) nobody would employ them. Interviewers and supervisors don’t want people with higher qualifications than they have. I understand exactly what you are saying OP.

The Olio app, where you collect free food locally or a food pantry may offer the best options for you today. Could you phone your GP surgery or local C.A.B. about a food bank referral? If you are close to any shops you may be able to pick up some very reduced bits at the end of the day. If you are getting UC you should be getting the £325 from the government soon. Does your dd get free school meals? If she does you may be able to claim a uniform grant for next year. Definitely check that you are getting everything you are entitled to.

God, absent fathers are shits sometimes.

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I second the £10 a day thing (and will be off over there myself in a minute) Credit union also sounds like a good suggestion, although I’ve no experience of it. Is also add Olio and too good to go to your regular money saving armoury. It’s not perfect, but if you can fit it into your routine and take what comes, it helps.

Your current job sounds excellent for flexibility and an understanding manager when you have a child at home that needs care through illness and school holidays really is worth a lot. I wouldn’t be in such a hurry to change jobs. I would, however, be moving if that works for you. I seriously cannot imagine a court in the land that would uphold restricting your location, when it’s impacting on your ability to care for your child. Particularly when her father isn’t keeping to the agreement and is the reason you need to move. I’m sure he’s facing hardship. We all are. But we’re not just stopping supporting our children.

To the people being judgy. Jeez. SOME PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY. Not because they’re pissing it up the wall, or not as good as you. Because they have less money. How hard is that to understand?

I would apply to your council for discretionary housing payment, this is separate from UC and CTR

this is paid if they read your figures and you have more going out than coming in. Its worth putting in an application as this may be paid 3 months down the line and help you at that point - then you can apply again, its not a given you'll get it but nothing to lose by applying Look for DHP form on your local council website

God, absent fathers are shits sometimes.

this seems to be connected with control, he is controlling this person with money and has eluded to that - you do this or that and I won't pay you

it is indeed a shit thing to do

I'm a single parent to a ds and a lone parent to a dd and left a controlling situation behind me. So first things first, don't go back. This is v important.
Secondly - look at your resources do you have any friends who can help in the absolute short-term, be it childcare or funds?
Next as the other said, turn2us and entitled may help you double check you aren't missing out on anything financially I assume you are already getting single person discount for CC and child benefit.
Short-term food situation, voucher for food bank via any possible means (?gp?health visitor), 2good2go, Olio. Might be worth looking online at Gingerbread. Definitely get an order as regards CMS, will mean he absolutely has to pay, even though it will be less than its meant to be it will be a regular amount you can then rely on. This is a priority it also shows you won't be pushed around anymore.

Next step you need to challenge the order, apply for work in parallel that pays more, could you try and negotiate a rise at work even if its small it could be a help. The 10 minute away bit feels very limiting and actually controlling.
Once you have got pass the immediate situation review your budget and maybe try someone like citizens advice or a trusted friend or post your income and outgoings here and maybe we could all help by offering ideas. Good luck x

@Threeboysandadog

I suppose just leaving gaps on your CV and being vague about them is the way to go, here?

I mean, if your DC’s had just left a gap and if asked about it said they were ‘pursuing a music career’ everyone would assume they were just wannabe pop stars and wasted a couple of years trying to make it big.

Is it fraud, do we think? (Asking for general opinions). I mean is a company entitled to know everything? Obviously you can’t lie about what you haven’t done. But is it ethical to lie (or at least spin a bit) what you have achieved? I imagine it’s no worse than many peoples creative CV’s!