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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That alcoholism can be cured in certain people?

246 replies

teenagehurtbag · 29/06/2022 18:58

I'm a 30 year old woman. Have drank since I was around 12, it was always problematic for me since my first sip. I had never been able to say no, if I had one drink then I needed 100 more, my personality and behaviour would change completely. I binged most weekends from the age of 14 to 24.

At age 24 my binges turned daily, I would drink at a minimum 1.5 bottles every single night come rain or shine. I would promise myself every morning that I wouldn't drink that night but I always ended up doing it anyways. I functioned find from 24 - 27. Was able to keep being a mum and go to work/university and keep on top of everything and whilst everyone knew I liked a wine, no one knew the extent.

Summer 2019 when I was 27 my drinking got to an unmanageable level. I would drink from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. I would sleep in between and get up and drink more as soon as I woke. My daughter (5 at the time) had to go and live with her dad. All I cared about was alcohol. I was so ill, lost so much weight.

In September 2019 I got help, started counselling. In October 2019 I stopped drinking for 6 months. I really really enjoyed this break from alcohol. It changed everything for me. I got my daughter back in the December 2019.

I started drinking again in March 2020 when lockdown hit. It was a conscious decision and I set myself rules. No drinking when my daughter was with me/coming home, no drinking 2 nights in a row and no drinking in the day.

At first I thought I was doomed as the fact I had to set those rules were enough of a concern. However, 2 years later and I have stuck to each of my rules, have managed to graduate uni, start my masters in September. I can actually drink like a normal person now. For instance the other day I went out with my friends and had two cocktails and went home and didn't drink for the rest of the day.

So many people say drinking in moderation isn't possible and at first I'd of agreed, but two years on and alcohol has about the same grip on me as a McDonalds Big Mac burger

Maybe I wasn't a true alcoholic. Maybe I was drinking to mask depression etc. but every professional I met with during that time claimed I was an alcoholic and on the fast track to lolling myself.

AIBU to think some people can be cured?

OP posts:
Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 29/06/2022 19:01

You were/are a true alcoholic. I believe, some a very few people can control their drinking but for many it can be start of things spiralling out of control.

If I was you having lost my daughter once and knowing the damage I had already inflicted on her I don’t think it’s something I would want to test out.

Onlyforcake · 29/06/2022 19:02

You've not quit. Alcoholics always kid others and themselves that they are in control. I've been lied to enough, seen enough of it to doubt it. I wish you all the luck in the world but you probably need to get support. ASAP

Ohtoberoavingagain · 29/06/2022 19:06

I think you also have to consider the damage alcohol has already done to your body and yet you still drink. I think you’ve made a great effort but have to agree with PPs that you’re still alcohol-addicted.

moita · 29/06/2022 19:06

Be very careful. You are playing with fire.

You lost your daughter due to drink. Don't kid yourself it won't happen again.

Yes alcholics can lead happy lives..but they can't with drink still in it.

HeadNorth · 29/06/2022 19:06

Alcoholics lie and the person they lie to most is themselves. You are not cured and you still have a problem - you are on a downward slope, it may be gradual just now but will speed up.

MoonriseKingdom · 29/06/2022 19:07

I think you’re taking a massive risk. I think it would be very easy to slip back, however in control you think you are now.

Fairislefandango · 29/06/2022 19:10

The potential to go off the rails again is presumably always there though. That's why they say you don't stop being an alcoholic, you're just in recovery or a dry alcoholic.

Tbh I find it hard to believe you'd take the risk of starting drinking again when your drinking led to your child being taken away. Imo the fact that being able to drink alcohol is still so important to you that you'd take that risk implies that deep down you are as addicted as ever, and that sticking to the rules will be a temporary fix.

LuckyCat4 · 29/06/2022 19:13

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Don't kid yourself.

bluebeck · 29/06/2022 19:15

Why are you drinking again?

x2boys · 29/06/2022 19:17

Mau

Original poster
teenagehurtbag · 29/06/2022 19:19

My point is - I've managed to control my drinking for over two years now with no sign of it worsening. To the point that when I'm feeling down in the dumps I won't touch alcohol as I know it can be a slippery slope. I can say hand on heart that I will never go back to that way of drinking. Life is too good.

OP posts:
x2boys · 29/06/2022 19:19

Maybe some people can drink in moderation after abstaining from alcohol for many years ,but I don't think I would have been testing that theory after just a few months .

ComfyChairPose · 29/06/2022 19:19

Congratulations on your masters.
I hardly drink and i would find it hard to stop after two cocktails so in your shoes id abstain completely.

HermioneWeasley · 29/06/2022 19:20

JFC was losing your daughter not enough motivation for you?

if you’re an alcoholic you can’t drink in moderation. Stop now.

ClaudiusTheGod · 29/06/2022 19:21

Ah alcoholics. Always trying to kid themselves. Mine kidded himself into his coffin.

Original poster
teenagehurtbag · 29/06/2022 19:22

Fairislefandango · 29/06/2022 19:10

The potential to go off the rails again is presumably always there though. That's why they say you don't stop being an alcoholic, you're just in recovery or a dry alcoholic.

Tbh I find it hard to believe you'd take the risk of starting drinking again when your drinking led to your child being taken away. Imo the fact that being able to drink alcohol is still so important to you that you'd take that risk implies that deep down you are as addicted as ever, and that sticking to the rules will be a temporary fix.

My child went to live with her dad for a few months. She wasn't officially 'taken off me'.

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 29/06/2022 19:22

Alcoholism isn't a lifestyle choice & there are often MH or trauma factors in why someone becomes an alcoholic. It isn't a disease that can be cured, many alcoholics relapse many times & only treatment & therapy will stop someone relapsing.

Choopi · 29/06/2022 19:24

I think the very fact that you are drinking again after losing your daughter shows that you have a problem. If you didn't have a problem you would never have even considered starting drinking again.

Original poster
teenagehurtbag · 29/06/2022 19:25

I was hoping for a healthy, interesting debate rather than a pile on to be honest.

OP posts:
SailingNotSurfing · 29/06/2022 19:25

Why did you decide to start drinking again? What does a glass of wine give you that a cup of tea doesn't?

Sadly, I think you're fooling yourself if you think you're cured. You're not, and you are metaphorically on a precipice, and you will fall off.

Original poster
teenagehurtbag · 29/06/2022 19:26

Not everyone's experience or situation is the same. So whilst moderation may not be possible for many 'alcoholics', it might just be for me.

OP posts:
Fairislefandango · 29/06/2022 19:26

My child went to live with her dad for a few months. She wasn't officially 'taken off me'.

Officially, not officially... that's not the point really, is it? Your child had to be sent away from you because you were drinking all day and incapable of looking after her. And yet you're claiming that you have rationally made a decision to start drinking again. Why would anyone in that situation make such a decision unless it was actually their underlying alcoholism making the decision for them?

RandomMess · 29/06/2022 19:26

Have seen someone take 8 weeks to die of kidney failure due to their life long alcohol consumption in their 50s please quit. Not to mention the osteoporosis causing horrible leg breaks that rendered them housebound.

They were completely functioning until the last couple years had an outdoors lifestyle, demanding job but the silent damage caused was irreversible.

Raquelos · 29/06/2022 19:27

Not unreasonable at all, everyone is different and pretending that there's only one way to drink alcohol in a non destructive way is unhelpful. AA works for some people but as many people pull their drinking back under control without AA as with it

Original poster
teenagehurtbag · 29/06/2022 19:28

Fairislefandango · 29/06/2022 19:26

My child went to live with her dad for a few months. She wasn't officially 'taken off me'.

Officially, not officially... that's not the point really, is it? Your child had to be sent away from you because you were drinking all day and incapable of looking after her. And yet you're claiming that you have rationally made a decision to start drinking again. Why would anyone in that situation make such a decision unless it was actually their underlying alcoholism making the decision for them?

I made that decision over two years ago and since then my daughter has stayed with me. She hasn't seen me take a sip of alcohol in that time. I made the decision to drink again, it was something that I had agonised over for a month before. A decision that I included my family in when making. I can't explain it other than it was an absolute decision of the soul.

OP posts: