That alcoholism can be cured in certain people?

[teenagehurtbag]

I'm a 30 year old woman. Have drank since I was around 12, it was always problematic for me since my first sip. I had never been able to say no, if I had one drink then I needed 100 more, my personality and behaviour would change completely. I binged most weekends from the age of 14 to 24.

At age 24 my binges turned daily, I would drink at a minimum 1.5 bottles every single night come rain or shine. I would promise myself every morning that I wouldn't drink that night but I always ended up doing it anyways. I functioned find from 24 - 27. Was able to keep being a mum and go to work/university and keep on top of everything and whilst everyone knew I liked a wine, no one knew the extent.

Summer 2019 when I was 27 my drinking got to an unmanageable level. I would drink from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. I would sleep in between and get up and drink more as soon as I woke. My daughter (5 at the time) had to go and live with her dad. All I cared about was alcohol. I was so ill, lost so much weight.

In September 2019 I got help, started counselling. In October 2019 I stopped drinking for 6 months. I really really enjoyed this break from alcohol. It changed everything for me. I got my daughter back in the December 2019.

I started drinking again in March 2020 when lockdown hit. It was a conscious decision and I set myself rules. No drinking when my daughter was with me/coming home, no drinking 2 nights in a row and no drinking in the day.

At first I thought I was doomed as the fact I had to set those rules were enough of a concern. However, 2 years later and I have stuck to each of my rules, have managed to graduate uni, start my masters in September. I can actually drink like a normal person now. For instance the other day I went out with my friends and had two cocktails and went home and didn't drink for the rest of the day.

So many people say drinking in moderation isn't possible and at first I'd of agreed, but two years on and alcohol has about the same grip on me as a McDonalds Big Mac burger

Maybe I wasn't a true alcoholic. Maybe I was drinking to mask depression etc. but every professional I met with during that time claimed I was an alcoholic and on the fast track to lolling myself.

AIBU to think some people can be cured?

In fact, I'm starting to feel worried that what you actually set out to get from us all was a justification to up your drinking.

"You see, I can drink more than I have been for the last two years and still function. I'm FINE. TOTALLY FINE. I SHOWED YOU MUMSNET."

If I had a pound for every time I heard an alcoholic say something like this...

You're in denial. Even losing your daughter wasn't enough to get you to stop.

I’m sure you post this every couple of months.

which makes me think you’re definitely not over it or you wouldn’t need all the reassurance

Yep.

I was you. The only way forward is to never drink, not the odd day here and there, not just evenings, not just when your child is not there……NEVER.
I’ve been sober for nearly 5 years. Totally sober.
Please don’t kid yourself.

This last paragraph. I'd bet money on a slow descent at some point.

I'm a hop away from 3 years sober. I'll never touch another drop because I know I'd end up back at square 1, be it 5 maybe 10 years later. But also because I love my sober life! I have 0 need for that escape or desire to have alcohol.

Sorry you went through that but my god, are you suggesting they every alcoholic is a rapist?

I think it’s tricky because the term “nothing has happened” is so subjective. What needs to happen in order for you to stop again? You mentioned that you eventually you’d like to stop completely because you feel awful the next day, so presumably you’re currently drinking enough to feel hungover. And you’d like not to drink, but you are drinking anyway. Are either of these red flags for you?

Well done for cutting down though.

@teenagehurtbag
Your story is almost identical to mine, apart from the kids as I don't have children. As for 'can people be cured' or drink in moderation I hink it totally depends on the individual.
Like you I want to be able to just have a couple then go home, no 2 nights in a row ect.
Personally I drink to manage my anxiety and depression and started young.
Have you heard of Acamprosate? It stops you craving alcohol by rebalancing the chemicals in your brain that are effected by daily use.

can't wait to update 10 years from now and tell you all that nothing has happened.

Pride and arrogance has killed many an alcoholic, OP.

You don't want a debate; you just want people to agree with you.

I really hope, for your daughter's sake, your drinking never spirals out of control again. I think she's probably been through enough.

I was never given the label of alcoholic, I think unintentional “goes on whole scale benders” fits. I could go months without a drink. Never drank at unusual times. Never needed it, not even a sniff of an urge, and I know what addiction feels like cos me and nicotine, we’ll never be parted. But if alcohol was in the social mix, one drink and I had zero brakes. I was either stone cold sober, or somewhere on the road to unconscious. No two ways about it, officially alcoholic or not, I had a huge drinking problem.

I’ve gone with treating myself like an alcoholic would, total abstinence. I’m 23 years older and wiser. A lot happier. So maybe I’d get to be one of the occasional exceptions to the rule and could have the odd social drink. That would be nice, easier to explain away my blanket refusal to wet the baby’s head, or take a polite slip as a toast to the bride and groom. But I won’t even hold a glass with alcohol in it and fake it. Cos whatever the odds are (for or against me), personally I find the stakes too high. While I loved the taste of red wine and whiskey, and the first mild buzz was wonderful … neither are worth finding out I’m not the exception.

I could probably go for a while, maybe even years, maybe to the end of my natural life with completely under control. But what if I found out after the fact that I wasn’t a special case, I hadn’t misdiagnosed myself as “alcoholic-esque” and my only cast iron guaranteed route not to hurt my family was being 100% teetotal ?

It’s not that I’m worried about me so much But my boy. There’s no kidding them once they aren’t little teeny tines anymore, and possibly not even then. I couldn’t face the thought of him seeing who I used to be when my brakes failed. He was conceived “in vino”. Can’t change that. But I can make sure that’s his only brush with me + alcohol + brake pads issue.

I think that is where the answer lies and why they say abstinence is the only route. Cos individual risks of relapse can’t really be known until things have gone wrong. And by throwing the dice the ones we love most will have to pay the highest stakes. By losing us when sober, present and able to put our dependents’ need for stability & normality above our desire to see if we can find a sensible level of drinking we can sustain forever.

Do you see what I mean ?

The more I read the more delusional op sounds about where she really is.

Which is an alcoholic still using, managing to restrict, for the moment.

@AlienatedChildGrown ❤️

I have friends who have started drinking again in moderation after having a massive issue with it.

It's possible. But it's rare and it's dangerous.

You’ve posted about this before haven’t you? When you first started drinking in a ‘controlled’ way again? And everyone told you what a stupid idea it was. It still is.

My MIL was an alcoholic.
She was dry for a good few years.
Then she and FIL (a heavy drinker himself) decided that she was not an alcoholic any more, and it was OK for her to drink again.
So she did.
We never saw them drink or be under the influence. (Apart from the first and last time when she babysat for us and was off her face - on stuff she'd brought around secretly - when we got back.)
Not being alcoholics (in their minds) didn't stop him from dying of oesophageal cancer (caused by alcohol) and her dying of cirrhosis.

How is your liver doing, OP?

And no, I don't think a PP was trying to suggest that all alcoholics are rapists.

I send very best wishes. My previous husband died of the effects of drinking far too much alcohol over a prolonged period, and like you he began young and had periods during which he thought he was cured. You seem intelligent and strong-minded, and you are considering a life where you don't need to drink. Hold that in view as desirable: as well as feeling better in the morning, you' ll have more money to do nice things with your daughter. Make yourself a promise that if things start slipping, you will definitely STOP. Your life with her is too precious to risk. Our daughter cannot think back to the happy times in her early childhood with her dad; all her memories of him are tainted. Please don't do that to yours. It will be wonderful to hear good news of you in 2032.

Yet

read this OP and be very, very careful.

Oh, and the only ex-alcoholics are the dead ones.

All addictive behaviour can be cured, you just need to be careful. The AA, complete abstinence from alcohol approach is not for everybody. In fact, it's the LEAST successful alcohol addiction programme in the UK and US!

Yeah I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that people who aren't alcoholics do not feel the need to make 'decisions of the soul' about alcohol.

Your extreme defensiveness towards anyone who questions your wisdom or motives in this is very illuminating. I can see you desperately want to be right that you're cured. But can't you see that this desperate desire is the alcoholic speaking?

You didn't start the thread for a debate. What debate is there to be had about this? You started it because you wanted somebody to say something which would help you justify your unjustifiable decision.

I'm not an AA member so no skin in the game, but I'm pretty certain AA is the most successful programme...

The AA, complete abstinence from alcohol approach is not for everybody. In fact, it's the LEAST successful alcohol addiction programme in the UK and US!

What, abstinence is? Or the AA is? What are the most effective methods of beating alcohol addiction, if not abstinence?

My mum is an alcoholic and has been for the last 7 years. During that time she has had 2x 2 years completely sober and I think she truly believed she was 'cured'. But something will happen in her life (big or small) and slowly the drinking will start again and quickly spiral out of control.

She's tried not drinking, drinking in moderation, only drinking at home, only drinking socially, only drinking at the weekend but it doesn't work.

I don't know you or your personal situation, but as the daughter of an alcoholic mother, I beg you to consider reaching out for more help so that your daughter never has to go through the horrors that I and so many others have experienced.