That alcoholism can be cured in certain people?

[teenagehurtbag]

I'm a 30 year old woman. Have drank since I was around 12, it was always problematic for me since my first sip. I had never been able to say no, if I had one drink then I needed 100 more, my personality and behaviour would change completely. I binged most weekends from the age of 14 to 24.

At age 24 my binges turned daily, I would drink at a minimum 1.5 bottles every single night come rain or shine. I would promise myself every morning that I wouldn't drink that night but I always ended up doing it anyways. I functioned find from 24 - 27. Was able to keep being a mum and go to work/university and keep on top of everything and whilst everyone knew I liked a wine, no one knew the extent.

Summer 2019 when I was 27 my drinking got to an unmanageable level. I would drink from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. I would sleep in between and get up and drink more as soon as I woke. My daughter (5 at the time) had to go and live with her dad. All I cared about was alcohol. I was so ill, lost so much weight.

In September 2019 I got help, started counselling. In October 2019 I stopped drinking for 6 months. I really really enjoyed this break from alcohol. It changed everything for me. I got my daughter back in the December 2019.

I started drinking again in March 2020 when lockdown hit. It was a conscious decision and I set myself rules. No drinking when my daughter was with me/coming home, no drinking 2 nights in a row and no drinking in the day.

At first I thought I was doomed as the fact I had to set those rules were enough of a concern. However, 2 years later and I have stuck to each of my rules, have managed to graduate uni, start my masters in September. I can actually drink like a normal person now. For instance the other day I went out with my friends and had two cocktails and went home and didn't drink for the rest of the day.

So many people say drinking in moderation isn't possible and at first I'd of agreed, but two years on and alcohol has about the same grip on me as a McDonalds Big Mac burger

Maybe I wasn't a true alcoholic. Maybe I was drinking to mask depression etc. but every professional I met with during that time claimed I was an alcoholic and on the fast track to lolling myself.

AIBU to think some people can be cured?

I wonder why, after all of that trouble, you decided to drink again?

Your post is similar to an OP who posted twice on here asking the same thing. She felt she was in control and only drinking on weekends when her child wasn't with her, and felt she was cured. She wasn't.

That is anecdotal. But having read the book Alcohol Explained, I am pretty convinced that once your brain and body has got used to heavy drinking, it can't unlearn those responses. So any moderate drinking is effectively justification for further drinking in the long run.

I wish it weren't the case, but I really do think it is.

I wouldn't advise taking the risk. And would recommend that book, if you haven't read it.

I broke my leg around 4 months before I started. No doubt the alcoholism made it 100 times worse, 6 hours surgery and withdrawals in the hospital was not fun.

I worked with substance misuse for many years. It isn't really something that you can debate. If you're in recovery from dependency you are never "cured".

I’m an alcoholic and have been sober for 18 years now. I haven’t had any alcohol in that time and don’t intend to have any again. For me the risk of ending up where I was isn’t worth it. I still have an active social life and go out to bars with friends and enjoy a non alcoholic cocktail or two without having to worry about limiting myself.

I guess I would wonder why you still feel the need to drink in a limited way?

So OP - can you explain why your desire to go back to drinking alcohol is more important to you than the desire to stay sober in order not to risk tipping back into full-blown alcohol abuse and potentially losing the ability to look after your daughter? Surely prioritising your return to drinking is exactly the hallmark of an alcoholic, not a sign of someone who is 'cured'?

The way you describe your days of active drinking, 24 hours a day, is very alcoholic in nature (my drinking was the same, years ago). No, I don't believe that an alcoholic in recovery is ever safe around alcohol.

"

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."

I enjoy alcohol, I enjoy the feeling and I don't see why I shouldn't be free to drink when my daughter is at her dads. It's been two years now and nothing bad has happened. I think when I first started drinking I was able to say that if anything bad were to happen I could stop again...nothing bad has happened since.

I honestly think that if alcohol had such a hold on you that you were prepared to have your daughter go and stay with her dad rather than stop drinking that you're definitely an alcoholic.

If you don't abstain from it completely you'll either binge when you've had a bad day or it'll be a slippery slope to drinking daily again. Either could be disastrous so why risk it, are cocktails with your mate really that important to you? The fact you stated you didn't drink for the rest of the day like that deserves a pay on the back.

My brother was in denial to the last, he was an alcoholic for years, with several periods in that time when he 'had drinking under control'
He never really had it under control and he died aged 50 a horrible death. I don't know why anyone would risk that.

People are being so hard on you OP. Well done on getting to a better place.
Do you think you would ever WANT to stop completely?

You have done amazing OP, really, be proud as you have come so so far, however you are taking a huge risk. Drinking almost cost you everything and still, you chose to go back to it with “rules”. Maybe it will never escalate again. Maybe. But why are you taking that chance when it took so so much from your life? Because you’re an alcoholic. You could lose your daughter for good.

was alcohol the problem or was there something else underlying?

Please engage with support NOW, speak with a professional before you think you're ok to drink again.
I've worked with so many people who have been abstinent for years, totally different lifestyles to what they had when their drinking was problematic etc etc who think they will be ok to start drinking again and find themselves in active addiction again very, very quickly.
You may think you will be ok but your neuropathways transgress to old habits very quickly! I think it will be more triggering then you realise and if it isn't for you, then it could be very triggering for your daughter, other family members and friends. Is it worth it?
There are no positive aspects of alcohol that can't be replicated by safer, healthier habits.
Self compassion and self care to recognise you are too valuable and to important to risk your physical and mental wellbeing on a substance that will bring you nothing more then a few hours of escapism.

I was hoping for a healthy, interesting debate rather than a pile on to be honest

I think you were hoping for some validation for your decision to start drinking again.

This is a misunderstanding of alcoholism. There’s always something underlying that the alcoholic is abusing alcohol to deal with.

I made the decision to drink again, it was something that I had agonised over for a month before. A decision that I included my family in when making. I can't explain it other than it was an absolute decision of the soul.

More like your neurochemistry talking.

Molecular basis of alcoholism

Chronic alcohol consumption leads to permanent changes in the brain. Could you have avoided this somehow? Anything is possible, but it's very unlikely.

No I don't think so. V v rare cases anyway.
My ex fiance was a miracle, a success story when he sobered up. He managed five years, then within two yrs of drinking again died.
I went to Al Anon several times a week to try and make sense of it all. I didn't hear any success stories at all...or if I did, all went tits up again

This is the most alcoholic thing you’ve said!

It’s not a pile-on. It’s people disagreeing with you. Do you not think we have good reason to disagree with you?

God I’m so tired of alcoholics, they always think they’re different from other alcoholics, but they’re all the same.

Thanks, but I've read absolutely every single book.

OP why would you want to drink at all now :( I'm teetotal because of my ex now...and barely drunk before then
Miserable evil selfish life destroying disease, ten yrs on my life is still in pieces

Same

You're in denial.

Spoken like a rampant alcoholic who is in massive, massive denial and dicing with disaster.

The wheels are going to come off your life again if you carry on like this; it's just a question of when. You love alcohol, you need it, and you're fooling yourself.

I think you've done extrordinarily well.

For a period in your life you had a problem with alcohol and now you don't. I wish you well in the future.

What Claudius said, with bells on.
My fiance would proclaim re our also alcoholic neighbour... 'well you know what SHE is!! An alcoholic so what do you expect!'' Apparently she was , and he wasn't, because she drank spirits and 'only TRUE alcoholics drink spirits'. He instead, would wait at 6am for Londis to open and stand outside drinking his first ciders and special brews of the day (his first of many trips of the day..he'd drink it there rather than bring it home). But spirits were what tramps on park benches drank (NB he was once the homeless park bench sleeper...but with beer so that's ok...)

This ⬆️

My husband abused alcohol daily for over 30 years to the point of ill health. He medicated himself because he was deeply unhappy, when he was able to change his life and turn things around he was able to stop drinking, he had no need/desire to drink anymore, and after a few years sober he was also able to enjoy the odd glass of wine with a meal once in a while. Good luck, OP.