That alcoholism can be cured in certain people?

[teenagehurtbag]

I'm a 30 year old woman. Have drank since I was around 12, it was always problematic for me since my first sip. I had never been able to say no, if I had one drink then I needed 100 more, my personality and behaviour would change completely. I binged most weekends from the age of 14 to 24.

At age 24 my binges turned daily, I would drink at a minimum 1.5 bottles every single night come rain or shine. I would promise myself every morning that I wouldn't drink that night but I always ended up doing it anyways. I functioned find from 24 - 27. Was able to keep being a mum and go to work/university and keep on top of everything and whilst everyone knew I liked a wine, no one knew the extent.

Summer 2019 when I was 27 my drinking got to an unmanageable level. I would drink from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. I would sleep in between and get up and drink more as soon as I woke. My daughter (5 at the time) had to go and live with her dad. All I cared about was alcohol. I was so ill, lost so much weight.

In September 2019 I got help, started counselling. In October 2019 I stopped drinking for 6 months. I really really enjoyed this break from alcohol. It changed everything for me. I got my daughter back in the December 2019.

I started drinking again in March 2020 when lockdown hit. It was a conscious decision and I set myself rules. No drinking when my daughter was with me/coming home, no drinking 2 nights in a row and no drinking in the day.

At first I thought I was doomed as the fact I had to set those rules were enough of a concern. However, 2 years later and I have stuck to each of my rules, have managed to graduate uni, start my masters in September. I can actually drink like a normal person now. For instance the other day I went out with my friends and had two cocktails and went home and didn't drink for the rest of the day.

So many people say drinking in moderation isn't possible and at first I'd of agreed, but two years on and alcohol has about the same grip on me as a McDonalds Big Mac burger

Maybe I wasn't a true alcoholic. Maybe I was drinking to mask depression etc. but every professional I met with during that time claimed I was an alcoholic and on the fast track to lolling myself.

AIBU to think some people can be cured?

AA does not get to the root cause , I agree with that. Although I never attended AA but certainly asked a lot of questions in Al Anon and we did have speakers come in from AA. I was told not needed (to get to root cause) as it's a spiritual disease. My asking of q's was never welcomed really,,,just brushed away.
However , the support and friendship of Al Anon certainly saved MY life. They made it about me and not my ex. They said I'd get better and he'd drink himself to death. They were right. Can't say I'm entirely better because of the ptsd but, I got on with life and they helped me with feeling suicidal. I did post about them on here at the time as they did confuse me. But I'll always thank them...
Nine years on I'm still full of q's though about why Al Anon work as they do!

@AlienatedChildGrown what a powerful post

No, you were hoping that people would support your theory that you are 'cured', so you could carry on.

Many of us are older and have been around the block too many times not to be a bit more realistic.

You say life is good atm, but it's when you hit a bump in the road that it can all go sideways. Please be very careful.

So you can’t stop at the moment although you would like to?

It’s great that you are no longer unable to care for your daughter as a result - but it still feels like a problem if you want to stop and can’t?

orbitalcrisis
@Fairislefandango AA has one of the highest failure rates of any alcohol addiction programme, abstinence is not the only route. Finding the root cause of the issue and treating that is usually the best place to start, after that you will know whether completely abstaining from alcohol in the future is necessary

Since AA keeps no records or statistics I don’t know how it’s known what its success or failure rates are.
Re finding the root cause - my father, uncle and brother were alcoholics and they blamed all sorts of things for why they drank. However, apparently knowing what made them drink (it was always someone or something else’s fault) didn’t stop them drinking.

Right. So your hearsay sample of one makes you more of an expert than those of us who have had addiction issues ourselves.

i don’t profess to be an expert on anything but I am (was?) addicted to alcohol and have learned a lot since I faced my demons.

Sb in my family has turned to drinking recently. Even when they're not drunk they're still very aggressive (but unable to see that) and they weren't like that before, I think it's because of the withdrawl but I'm no expert, I look at it as the before and the after.
I've said over and over again you have to stop and they seem unable to realise they've been drinking too much. They think I'm exagerating and trying to pick a fight because I'm a b*tch. Every single day they drink either wine or beer, or both! It's almost always a bloody bottle, never just one glass. It's always 3 beers, never just 1. Common sense has gone out the window, though it's desperately needed because there's a kid in the mix.
You are just as deluded as my relative. The fact you've posted here, though, tells me you're one step ahead in that deep deep down you know you have a problem and you've been dwelling on it but at the same time you're also looking for that last bit of validation so you can keep on drinking some more without feeling guilty enough to want to stop.
OP, get help before you end up driving with sb else in the car and it goes bloody wrong. You have a problem. The way you've laid out your story so nicely tells me you've been giving this a great deal of thought, so you know you've got a problem, you know and I just want to say I agree with you, you do have a problem.

Personally I think the rules and control are a bad sign, mostly because I think you can drink quite a lot and stick to them, but most of all because you always know the next day you'll have a drink. It's not worth it, I do know what you mean as a good friend is a recovered alcoholic but better to be safe than sorry. I'd quit you don't need it

Controlling drinks does not cure alcoholism, that's impossible , even if you never get drunk again

I watched my late dp go from the lovely gentle happy person I met to someone I didn't recognise. In the space of 6 months he went from someone who only drank when he went to the pub or maybe a few cans & a bottle of wine on a Friday night to someone who went in the fridge for a can as soon as he woke up & drank 15 cans a day. 9 months before he died he broke his distal humerus in a drunken arm wrestling match, it just snapped. I woke up to missed calls & when I rang him he begged me to get to the hospital, when I got there he was sat crying with his arm in plaster from shoulder to wrist. They wanted to operate to pin & plate it but he refused as it meant staying in overnight & because he needed a drink. He chose to be in such agony that he was on morphine instead of missing one night's drinking, he overdosed three times & I'm convinced that was when he damaged his liver so badly he was dead 9 months later. If you saw someone die of alcoholism you would never drink again, his liver failed, he was yellow, looked pregnant & looked like a famine victim. The day he passed away his lungs filled with blood & his loved ones had to sit & watch him drown in his own blood, he wasn't sedated & knew everything that was happening to him. He left his parents childless, his children without a dad, me without my partner & my son without the person who ran around with him, played video games, Nerf gun battles & helped him with his school work. I know everyone thinks of alcoholics as a waste of space but under all that he was a good person, kind, loving & caring, but the drink stole all that.

There is always something else underlying.

You are kidding yourself/in denial.

The fact that you would drink like this, and then kid yourself it is just fine to start again with "controlled drinking" only goes to show what an alcoholic you are, not how "cured" you are.

Maybe your nickname means something? teenagehurtbag...

My schoolfriend lost her kids from her drinking
Her daughter... the same thing
My friend became sober and died a few months later
Because abstinence does not cure
Her liver was not cured
She was in her 40s

There is a fair bit of misinformation on this thread.

Let’s start with the efficacy of AA. The big book claims about 50% will get and stay sober. 25% will relapse and then achieve sobriety later. 25% will always struggle. I don’t know how those figures were reached.

I do know that the studies have shown that AA (even with its flaws) is the most effective method to achieve sobriety, if that is what you want (OP, it doesn’t sound like what you want). The Cochrane Review backs this up - AA Cochrane Review - Stanford

OP, I think the big book actually addresses those alcoholics who decide they can control their drinking and start drinking again. Of course, initially it is drinking in moderation. But what will happen the shit hits the fan as it almost always does in life? Life goes up and down and my fear is that if you have turned to alcohol in the past, it is incredibly easy to fall back into that.

You have rules about your drinking now and your daughter never sees you drink. That is good. But how is it different from being a secret drinker? (Secret drinking is a red flag in alcoholism).

I am genuinely interested in your answer and open to that discussion you mentioned earlier.

a else underlying. The point I got sober was also the point I started anti depressants. However, I've had to up them recently and still no changes in alcohol consumption.’

Have I got this right - you stopped drinking then started anti-depressant medication? Was the prescribing doctor aware of your drinking behaviours up to that point?

Then after a while on anti-depressants, you started to drink again?
You have been drinking routinely while taking anti-depressants, & recently your doctor has increased your medication to help you cope better with everyday life?
Have I got that right?

Is your doctor aware that you are drinking (in any amount) while taking the medication? Have you explicitly told them how much you are drinking?
I would be surprised if you have told your doctor what you are doing.

Some people might be surprised that you are taking prescribed medication as treatment for depression yet are self- medications with the depressant that is alcohol. I am not surprised.

BTW your daughter knows that you drink.
You may not drink alcohol in front of her, but she clocks how responsive you are to her, your absences in thought & deeds, & the smell of alcohol on your breath/in your sweat. She’s too young to articulate it explicitly but she knows & adapts to accommodate your drinking.

Your judgement is clouded by your self-deluding sentiment & refusal to take hard stock of your situation. You have choice in this situation.

I'm 21 years sober and i can't help think why would you chance it unless alcohol was so important to you it was worth risking everything for?

DONT DO IT. Your mind is playing tricks telling you you will be fine but the reality is you will be on a slippy slope back to drinking.

I was like this about smoking, I'd do all the hard work. I once stopped for couple of years and told myself I would just smoke socially you can guess what happened.

You and alcohol are not compatible you need to stay away. Is there a support group locally you could join.

I didn't need to read even half of your posts OP to know you're not out of the woods.

regardless of the units your 'rules' let you drink currently, your arrogance, delusion, entitlement and sheer idiocy shine through.

I so hope your little daughter has other good adults in her life and that she's getting professional support. God knows she must need it.

Did the same OP, 9 years in - no more than 2 drinks every 2 weeks. It can be done.
people here know nothing

I wonder how honest op is being here , with us and herself. I'd bet you are drinking far more than you'll even admit to yourself , never mind admitting it here. In my experience alcoholics are liars and they lie most to themselves. It's just a pity you can't put your daughter before the drink , especially when you know how bad it can get but no doubt you tell yourself that it was never that bad .

You are kidding yourself. You are STILL an alcoholic, even if you think you are in control.

my goal would eventually be no alcohol at all

So stop.

The awful thing is, having worked in treatment, I've met you 100 times. Over and over and over. There are people who fall face first in. One drink one day, 20 the next. Then there's people who manage to white-knuckle and kid themselves and the fall is like a glacier moving. But fall they do. Sometimes it takes 10 years. But back they come to rehab.

I remember one bloke who was a heroin addict at 18. Quit, pillar of the community. Didn't touch anything. At 40 years old he developed an alcohol issue. Because it's the mind-altering, like-the-feeling issue. And you like the feeling too much.

If you think you've cracked it, have a chat with an alcohol counsellor.

No, none of us know anything at all.
god, what a lot of the same old BS from those who are expert in deluding themselves.

This is so interesting, I could have written much of your post myself 20 years ago. I too started drinking from 12/13 and binged almost every night until age 43. I never quit for any measurable time, all those years. I had car wrecks and wicked hangovers and definitely did my share of drunk texting/calling, cringeworthy stuff. But most times it wasn’t even mentioned and if it was, I just explained I had too much to drink and got a little free with my texting, and apologize profusely. I still remember that absolutely horrible morning after feeling and it’s a big reason I stopped drinking.

I drank 6 to 18 drinks almost every night from age 21 to 43. I didn’t deserve to function as well as I did, but I still made a ton of mistakes, and errors in judgment and it was only through sheer luck that myself or anyone else didn’t suffer from my selfish behavior. I pushed my luck many times, and I shudder to think of it now.

As I began to age my habits really began to spiral out of control, and I began to drive drunk to the convenience store light at night, in my bedclothes to get more booze. That and a few more reasons was when I knew I had to stop.

in the bathtub one morning, after a particularly hellish evening, I prayed to Jesus to either let me die, or help me quit drinking. From that day on, I began to cut down until I had my last bender June 14, 2016. I quit cold turkey and it wasn’t until I had a friend in town, about 3 years later, that I had a few drinks but didn’t get drunk.

I had a glass of wine with my boss about 8 months ago and a few wine coolers at my friends two months ago. Other than that I have not drank at all, those are my slip ups but I haven’t been drunk in many years.

Make of it what you will, but Jesus did answer my prayers. I no longer have any craving for alcohol, and I watch my spouse drink almost every night.

Life has been really hard since I quit, nothing turned out like I thought and I still have addict behaviors but no longer any urge to drink alcoholically.

My heart goes out to anyone who is struggling. Remember that all you have to focus on is not picking up that first drink. Have an exotic tea or soda and find a great book to read/podcast/music, whatever. Remember you cannot pick up that first drink because that is where you lose control if you’re an alcoholic.

Try to find something greater than yourself to believe in, whether it’s God, or nature, music, your children, pets, spaghetti monster, your work, whatever. It does help.

And don’t worry too much OP. Drunk messaging/texting does indicate a failure of controlled drinking so you should really have a heart to heart with yourself, best of luck to you 😊💜

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