That alcoholism can be cured in certain people?

[teenagehurtbag]

I'm a 30 year old woman. Have drank since I was around 12, it was always problematic for me since my first sip. I had never been able to say no, if I had one drink then I needed 100 more, my personality and behaviour would change completely. I binged most weekends from the age of 14 to 24.

At age 24 my binges turned daily, I would drink at a minimum 1.5 bottles every single night come rain or shine. I would promise myself every morning that I wouldn't drink that night but I always ended up doing it anyways. I functioned find from 24 - 27. Was able to keep being a mum and go to work/university and keep on top of everything and whilst everyone knew I liked a wine, no one knew the extent.

Summer 2019 when I was 27 my drinking got to an unmanageable level. I would drink from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. I would sleep in between and get up and drink more as soon as I woke. My daughter (5 at the time) had to go and live with her dad. All I cared about was alcohol. I was so ill, lost so much weight.

In September 2019 I got help, started counselling. In October 2019 I stopped drinking for 6 months. I really really enjoyed this break from alcohol. It changed everything for me. I got my daughter back in the December 2019.

I started drinking again in March 2020 when lockdown hit. It was a conscious decision and I set myself rules. No drinking when my daughter was with me/coming home, no drinking 2 nights in a row and no drinking in the day.

At first I thought I was doomed as the fact I had to set those rules were enough of a concern. However, 2 years later and I have stuck to each of my rules, have managed to graduate uni, start my masters in September. I can actually drink like a normal person now. For instance the other day I went out with my friends and had two cocktails and went home and didn't drink for the rest of the day.

So many people say drinking in moderation isn't possible and at first I'd of agreed, but two years on and alcohol has about the same grip on me as a McDonalds Big Mac burger

Maybe I wasn't a true alcoholic. Maybe I was drinking to mask depression etc. but every professional I met with during that time claimed I was an alcoholic and on the fast track to lolling myself.

AIBU to think some people can be cured?

I know from personal experience (which I am not going to share here) that it is indeed possible to drink moderately after having a lengthy period of uncontrolled drinking.

OP, you’ve been a problem drinker for 18 years. In the time you’ve managed only 6 months without a drink. You lost your daughter due to alcohol. And yet your priority is to allow yourself to keep drinking.

You’re not a normal drinker. The dream that you can flick a switch and be ok is one that has sent alcoholics back to the bottle for centuries. Being pleased to have managed 2 years without completely losing control, losing access to your child again, and so on doesn’t make you a normal drinker. Normal drinkers never think about that stuff.

Sorry if this sounds harsh. Look after yourself.

Alcoholics are the most 'ostrich' (head in sand) and arrogant and delusional people I've ever met. I've been fucked over by three now...
never EVER again. I don't care how 'recovered' they are. IMO.. no such thing as recovered. I don't know whether my life will ever be fully back on track with the ptsd i have... so please don't say I'm being tough on the poor dear alci's. My ex is at peace, I'm still living the hell and fall out of leaving after the rapes and other violence with the clothes on my back, for him to then harrass me and my family until he died because I was so evil for leaving
OP please get help and stop the denial, good luck

There maybe people who can be cured, but having been through all that, I wouldn't like to risk it. 2 years is nothing, you are happy and settled at the moment, the testing time will be when you are not, and if the bad times last a while, it may all start again. Why drink at all? Does it make you feel good? That is where the risk is.

In that case, if you're going in with warnings from multiple professionals about your own health, your experience from the past of the damage caused to your personal life, and many books worth of knowledge of addiction, you must be fully aware of the massive risk you are taking.

It seems you want to believe that alcoholism can be cured, in spite of all that evidence to the contrary.

I do not blame you for feeling that way, I myself wish I could believe this.

But I'd be kidding myself to entertain the thought.

Even if it were possible that one in a million alcoholics can be cured and go on to a balanced life of moderate drinking, how do you know that is you, and do you really want to risk it all in order to find out?

Going against the grain here, but I think it's possible, depending on the level of physical dependence you had. Growing up, my dad had a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol. He wouldn't drink all the time, but he would binge heavily and regularly and it was awful. He often came to the point of swearing off alcohol and then went back after a break - and it was always the same.

He almost never drinks now, but I've seen him have one or two (and more than that at my brother's wedding), and he's not gone back to that old pattern. I don't think he even thinks about it. It's been well over 10 years now. I genuinely don't believe he'd go back to drinking in that way, but equally wouldn't say he's teetotal (though, tbf, he's pretty close)

I have had an alcohol problem and I abstain from alcohol as after a LONG time taking each day as it comes I realised that life was definitely better not drinking than with drinking. I did it without AA and I don’t necessarily believe that labels such as alcoholic are effective.

What jumped out at me was where you said it was a decision of the soul. This isn’t how “normal” people see alcohol. If your soul has a say in anything, then it’s probably because you have a problem with alcohol.

As an aside, I hated moderating as I found the thought of not being able to have another drink completely consuming. It seems that you are still in that place. I rarely think of alcohol now, and am happy being sober. This would not be the case if I was trying to moderate!

Sorry but you’re kidding yourself. You want someone to say “a couple of drinks won’t hurt you”,etc but you know they will. Go to a counsellor

I think you're fooling yourself that it was a rational decision to start drinking again - HOW did you justify that to yourself? You must see that objectively it sounds like a completely mad risk to take rather than a rational decision.

Alcoholism is an incurable disease
It's a physical disease
It can sometimes be MANAGED
but cured?? No, you remain an alcholic for life

Thank you! I think yes, my goal would eventually be no alcohol at all purely due to the way it makes me feel the next day. But unlike 3 years ago, it's not something k focus on too much. I'm much more concerned with days out with my daughter and dogs (also a privilege I wouldn't have had if I were still drinking out of control).

Sorry but you'll get the full force of my rage here. We are burying my childrens' dad tomorrow. He was 44. He spent years coming out with this sort of nonsense. Just like you he genuinely believed it. He didn't 'have' to drink, he just 'wanted to'.
You might think you are kidding yourself successfully but one thing that you can't fool is your liver. I suggest you get some proper perspective before your health forces you to.

What jumped out at me was where you said it was a decision of the soul. This isn’t how “normal” people see alcohol. If your soul has a say in anything, then it’s probably because you have a problem with alcohol.

This.

YABU IMO to view alcoholism itself as a “disease” as opposed to an addiction like anything else. I have alcohol misuse disorder (over 10 months sober) and really dislike the “othering” of alcohol addiction and the disease model.

I hope it stays this way for you but I really can’t fathom why you took the risk again.

I think personally that there was something else underlying. The point I got sober was also the point I started anti depressants. However, I've had to up them recently and still no changes in alcohol consumption.

If you had been addicted to cocaine or heroin would you view moderating as a success?

”I only take cocaine like normal people”

OK then

I can't wait to update 10 years from now and tell you all that nothing has happened.

Yep. And subsequent posts underline this.

Obviously one hopes so. But you know the saying about pride and a fall...

Hopefully you’ll have stopped drinking.

why do you “like” a drug that caused you all that harm? It does sound like addiction.

And what, encourage other alcoholics to give moderation a try?

It was a conscious decision and I set myself rules. No drinking when my daughter was with me/coming home, no drinking 2 nights in a row and no drinking in the day

you could also still be drinking at very harmful levels within those rules.

you haven’t said you stick to the lower risk guidance of 14 units per week.

Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. I am sorry but from someone who has witnessed first hand the damage it does and the lies and dreams shattered because of it I do not believe there is a cure. You are doing marvellous in the fact you have acknowledged it and have moved on but please don’t allow urself to fall into the trap you are cured. One drink could and will lead you back into the spiral.
good luck.

You really thought we'd have a jolly debate and there would be loads of examples of people who nearly drank themselves to death before 30 who were totally cured after less than 6 months sober, and who started drinking again only three months after they got their child back?

The lack of perspective alone and that "decision of the soul" stuff pretty much tells everyone what's happening.

I wish I could do this but I can't. I think if you have conquered two years you're doing great. You know yourself and I won't pile in. Just keep it up if it works. I know if I had just one it would be the end, but we are all different!