To consider taking my DD (end of year 9) out of her secondary school and putting her in an online school for years 10 and 11

[sundaydriver]

She has had issues with anxiety since year 7, exacerbated due to some friendship issues and bullying.

She's a bright girl and achieving ok academically but is so sick of the school environment. She doesn't fit in because she's quiet, kind, not rude. She gets picked on for loving Heartstopper (netflix LGBT show) because it's 'uncool' and worse slurs.

She sees a counsellor weekly for anxiety and it does help, but I've just had enough of her being in that toxic environment and she definitely has.

We can afford the fees for an online school. Has anyone gone this route? Would any of you? AIBU to consider it?

Just to say the only feasible independent school is over subscribed, the rest are too far away.

Does she see people outside of the school environment? Clubs etc?

Is it online or her current school with no other options? I know there are networks for children learning online but I'm not sure I'd want to do that unless there weren't any other physical schools that could work for her. The gcse years are important so if online doesn't work it might be hard to transfer back to an actual school.

It's an online independent school that delivers fully taught remote lesson for all of her GCSE subjects.

She does, yes.

My friend's son did exactly this. He was also an able boy but having a torrid time at school. He had researched online schools meticulously and managed to persuade his parents. Academically it has gone well. He is on course to get really good GCSE results (just done them this summer) and has applied to sixth form with every intention of going. I wouldn't say he has been wildly sociable during the two years of online education, from what I understand, but then he was always a bit anxious anyway. He has kept up with a few trusted friends and if he can settle at 6th form I think he'll be fine. For him it was a godsend and he enjoyed the lessons, liked the teachers and even had some real life meet-ups with other kids in his situation he met online at 'school'.

I think that would be ok then? People in Australia in the outback do it.

I really wish I had this option when I was at school, as I had similar issues.

My only thought it what will she do for sixth form? If she can have a fresh start somewhere else then I can't see a problem.

It might be good to get in touch with some home school networks in the local area regardless (or ask the online school how they support pupils with socialising, etc).

Has she chosen her gcses and is she doing different subjects to what these bullies are doing?

Thinking about my own situation when I was younger going into year 10 all the classes changed and students were mixed up differently I also started a subject that was only offered at gcse and that meant being with students who I'd barely ever met before. It was like being at a different school!
I made some lovely friends and it changed my experience of school for the better.

Normally i would of said no, but in your daughters circumstances i would say 100% do it

Does she have any friends?

Thank you for your thoughtful post 😘

You asked for opinions

Have you got a local Home ed group she could join?
Is she a self motivated learner?
Have you understood and figured out exam centers and all that goes with it?
Have you looked at issues around science and practicals?
Is it the right online school for her?
Have enough other students got good results through them recently? (bearing in mind many may have arrived with lowered education - you're looking for what a motivated child can manage)

They pick their GCSEs at the end of year 8 in her school and start them in year 9. The bullies are very much in her classes and will continue to be.

I think as long as you can facilitate her seeing other teenagers regularly then this could be great.

Well spotted, I did.

I think Drunkandalone is partly being goady, and I do want to stress I don’t exactly agree and wouldn’t have phrased it in that way, but I do think it could lead to further problems, to be honest.

It is hard when you aren’t a good fit at school; I wasn’t, and I really sympathise, but I don’t actually think removal is the answer.

Totally unhelpful and probably the opposite is true. Take her out of an environment where she is bullied, let her do hobbies where she isn't and can make friends and develop her social skills with people who like her, and do her studies online.

We looked into this OP - we were considering InterHigh. In the end things improved for my son (he was younger so it wouldn't have been for GCSE) but it was something we were close to doing.

Have you looked at other local secondary schools?

I feel it'd be a very different way of learning and she'd struggle with getting back into classroom-based learning in a couple of years.

Too many questions to answer individually.

Yes, she has friends, she's introverted, her Dad has an ASC, I think she has traits also - she enjoys social contact but on her own terms. She is much more social in the holidays when she's not coping with the social demands of schools.

Have researched online schools thoroughly, including exam arrangements. All is feasible, as are the fees.

She's perfectly capable of becoming 'socially incapable and isolated' in a bricks and mortar school too. Alternative provision can be the making of some children. It's all about the child, the parents, provision, and supplementing where needed.

I think it sounds like a good option. She has her whole life to socialise and high school’s are not real life anyway. She will have plenty of time to interact with her peers when they’ve all done some growing up. Y9-y11 can be very grim.

Both my DD’s love heartstopper! I’m sorry your girl has had such a rubbish time, I’m inclined to think get her out of there. As long as she’ll get socialisation else where it’ll make her life better.