To consider taking my DD (end of year 9) out of her secondary school and putting her in an online school for years 10 and 11

[sundaydriver]

She has had issues with anxiety since year 7, exacerbated due to some friendship issues and bullying.

She's a bright girl and achieving ok academically but is so sick of the school environment. She doesn't fit in because she's quiet, kind, not rude. She gets picked on for loving Heartstopper (netflix LGBT show) because it's 'uncool' and worse slurs.

She sees a counsellor weekly for anxiety and it does help, but I've just had enough of her being in that toxic environment and she definitely has.

We can afford the fees for an online school. Has anyone gone this route? Would any of you? AIBU to consider it?

Can you please check if she has low blood pressure as well as POTs (triggered by puberty/growth spurts and linked to low blood pressure its common in teen girls and where their heart beats fast to overcome low blood pressure - resulting in them feeling anxious because we all do when our heart beats fast).
I think the first question is is she an independent learner? Does she do and manage her own homework? if yes than online is an option but if no then I think she will struggle with online learning.

I get exactly what you're saying and those were my concerns exactly. I can only say that she is vastly more social in the holidays when she isn't coping with school.

But I also know the huge cost to her cognitive functions that being in fight or flight takes. It's a balancing act.

Yes she's an independent learner, she was incredible in lockdown, her sister took up all my time but she got on with things and thrived.

Thanks re: blood pressure, she had a full health check recently I think I have the notes I will look..

It my area 14-16 year olds can study at college. Could be an option my son is starting in September after being out of school for quite a while he will be in college for 12 hours a week.

I create online courses. They don't suit everyone. Can be hard work. Please put some rules in place and make sure there are serious consequences that you will follow through on.

Not all online courses are created equal.

I would put her on the waiting-list for the oversubscribed independent school and then sign her up for online school in the meantime. Then you might have a fallback if a place becomes available and you don't think online school is working out for whatever reason.

I certainly wouldn't leave her where she is to continue to get her confidence knocked out of her.

Thank you for your post, I appreciate you replying. Would you be able to tell me a little bit more to clarify what you mean? The only reason I ask is because I taught in an FE college during the lockdown years and some of it was classroom based and some I had to teach on zoom - I didn't create online courses, I just taught live lessons over the videocall. This is what the online school we are looking at is offering.

I know there are schools that are pure distance learning, but this isn't that.

If you could tell me more about what you're warning me about I would really appreciate it, thank you.

I think I'd move to another school before considering online, even if this meant moving home. Although you haven't mentioned what school are doing to tackle the bullying.

Thank you, I've just looked but there is nothing suitable for her. I'm really glad they could help your son, though.

It worked for my son, he did very well in his IGCSE' s, and he is now working part time alongside studying, he is very articulate and its similar kind of discipline to all the adults who work from home, they don't suddenly become introverted lock ins, so pay no attention to the closed minded who have absolutely no idea about HE, my eldest son also works from home part time and l am around in the afternoons, plus he has friends fron school and online, and goes to the gym everyday as well as selling his reptile supplies online.

❤Amazing, thank you, well done to him!

I did it. My dd was so depressed and being so badly bullied that I feared she'd kill herself or never recover her mental health.
She went to an early college placement to do her gcses and also an extended diploma in performing arts and she is now in her 3rd year of a degree in performing arts and has lots of friends and a bright future.
She had lots of outside friends in her dance school so wasn't a problem.
School is not for everyone.

One side of the issue is that many teachers don't really embrace the online environment which is a shame. They use the LMS as a document deposit. It can be so much more.

I'm also a long time teacher. Some hybrid lessons are amazing online. But it depends on the group dynamics. And the teachers. I guess like all education it's going to be a mixed bag.

I think it's a bit of a suck and see situation but be prepared to supplement learning. And at 15/16 you will need to be involved.

Thank you that's really helpful, I appreciate that,

Wow your DD sounds amazing! Thanks so much for sharing.

Thank you, she is on the waiting list, not sure how quickly that will move it's quite a teeny school.

It’s great that you are looking for alternatives to keeping her in a toxic environment. No personal experience but I would have thrived in this situation away from the pressures of bullies and social pressure of school. As for the work environment - it is totally different to school so I wouldn’t worry about that and perhaps she will choose a direction that is t with people day to day - that’s fine. Anecdotally during covid I have friends with children in private school who’s learning was accelerated with a full timetable and extracurricular activities remotely so it’s amazing how well this can work.

Home Educating can be amazing, for many children, as long as well supported by adults - tutors and/or parents.

My DC has been HE, from pretty much the same age as you are considering. They have got better GCSE grades than previously predicted, and earlier than their peers.

They still go to clubs outside school hours and socialise, and see other friends. They are more confident than they ever were, and now have goals and life plans all figured out, even future career / business. In terms of life skills, they are way ahead of their peers.

The only thing I regret about HE, is not doing it sooner.

There are some great HE pages on FB, I would suggest joining them and talking to other parents who have done it.

Sounds like she'll do well with it, particularly as she'll maintain other social activities.

Longer term, socially fitting back into 6th form/ college/ university gets easier as people mature and it's easier to find like-minded people.

Not fitting into a closed society like school can be hellish and very damaging.

Yabvu simply because online schools are generally shite. One size fits all crap

Honestly I would never consider any online school provision unless my child was firmly settled in several outdoor/in person social activities like sporting or groups like
cadets, etc. I would absolutely change schools.

Home education is another good alternative but actually meeting in person with others and not exclusively online.

I'm interested in your post, but it seems quite one size fits all in its approach.

Can you give any helpful details?

I think it's a great idea and I didn't even know you could do it. Is there any interaction eg. asking questions etc?

Also, could you please link it to me. I think this could be be perfect for my friend's son.