To consider taking my DD (end of year 9) out of her secondary school and putting her in an online school for years 10 and 11

[sundaydriver]

She has had issues with anxiety since year 7, exacerbated due to some friendship issues and bullying.

She's a bright girl and achieving ok academically but is so sick of the school environment. She doesn't fit in because she's quiet, kind, not rude. She gets picked on for loving Heartstopper (netflix LGBT show) because it's 'uncool' and worse slurs.

She sees a counsellor weekly for anxiety and it does help, but I've just had enough of her being in that toxic environment and she definitely has.

We can afford the fees for an online school. Has anyone gone this route? Would any of you? AIBU to consider it?

Seen it happen with my own eyes

A pp mentioned sixth form - she could go back to a sixth form college - the kids have grown up a bit by then and she may be able to avoid the bullies who have tormented her anyway. DS went to a sixth form college further away than our nearest one to get away from people.

Two years online school for GCSEs could work really well for her.

Thanks, I've considered it might cause problems in the future but her more immediate problems are very much a barrier to her learning and achieving right now.

What’s your plan for post GCSE?

im not saying it’s necessarily a bad idea, but I do think the social side needs to be considered.

does she have friends outside of school?

I've only heard positive reports from parents who've opted for online schools for their children and I'd have chosen one in a flash if my ds (complex needs) hadn't coped with secondary.

Hmm... My first thought is that's maybe a short term fix that could cause longer term issues. I know for my anxiety the more I avoid something the more anxious it makes me. It's like the avoidance gives power to the thing I'm avoiding. So avoiding the horrible people now might make it that much harder to face horrible people in the future. Does that make sense?

@Drunkandalone thank you for your contribution, it's been noted.

I'm not sure you need to add anything to the thread? I feel like this might be hitting off on some of your own issues so I'll wish you well and hope you can find a post that will trigger you less.

You know your child and have obviously given it a lot of thought.. my only advice is that you make sure she has as much opportunities for social interaction as possible. Good luck

I don’t have any issues. I am just giving my opinion based off experiences. A poster quoted my post and said it’s untrue so I responded saying otherwise. If you don’t want other peoples views don’t make a thread asking for them.

Go well, now.

Do it! Schools sounds like a nightmare and you probably only know the half of it. She won’t become socially incapable as at her age she already has the basic social skills to build on. It’s her anxiety that’s preventing her and it sounds like it won’t get better until something changes (different environment). She can do groups/ clubs outside of school then there’s no college, Uni, etc.. plenty time for developing intrapersonal skills.

We looked into it (dd has asd) but 6 years ago they couldn't provide a full triple science curriculum and you had to take the exams as a private entrant, neatest place on their list was 45 mins away. Her school made arrangements for her to study independently at her school rather than attend lessons, she made it to a few each week and came home early 2-3 days a week, still got a*'s

sundaydriver my list of questions was quite rhetorical, and it sounds like you've done your homework.
I'd also look at what the online provision does to encorage real life meet ups.
I think the key to successful online schooling is ensuring doing it doesn't replace socialization opportunities. If she's doing it to escape an unpleasant learning environment then she's likely to find others who feel the same, but they may not be her cup of tea either. Quiet a few students go to online provision because of acting, sports, etc, or living in a different time zone and wanting standard UK IGCSE's, some because of all sorts of other reasons including anxiety, bullying etc.

BTW lots of children in care go to (LA provided) online schools.

Thank you so much for this post OP. I had no idea such a thing existed. DD is only in year 5 but finds school incredibly stressful so it's nice to know there's a more affordable option than private school should we need it in the future.

Do the universities / colleges she is interested in recognise the iGCSEs she will be studying? That would be my only question.

Hi @sundaydriver DD has just finished A levels at an Internet school which she joined in year 8 as she was very like your DD

I am happy to answer questions if you want to DM me but don’t want to put too much here because of goady feckers who haven’t actually experienced our situation

However, DD hasn’t grown 2 heads, has friends all over the world who she meets up with, is currently learning to drive and hopefully going to Uni in September. If we had to do it again we would

i didn't know such things existed, i wish i could have done that when i was at school. I was extremely introverted and didn't get into my first choice school. I ended up going to a failing school, where i didn't fit in and had no friends. It was the worst 5 years of my life. I'm 33 now and still feel sad when i think back. I suffered from really bad depression which lost me my old friends from primary school, i was alone and depressed through most of my life.
you sound like a great mum who is willing to do anything to make your daughter feel better. My advice is to do it. I wouldn't want your daughter to suffer anymore 💐

School is a vicious zoo. Going online seems fine, so long as the provision is excellent. But I would look to return to in person for 6th form.

My DD is in a very similar situation and I’ve decided for her taking her out of school is probably not the best option.

She absolutely thrived in lockdown even though she didn’t have much help from me because she’s more suited to an environment with less people (especially bullies) as her autism means she spends a lot of energy on dealing with day to day life instead of her work.

However going back to school after lockdown was 10x worse and my worry would be taking her out of school permanently would mean she would really struggle in college or in jobs when she’s older.
I’d also not want her on a screen for the majority of the day.

Obviously you know your DD better than us but would moving to a new school be an option?
Then if she still doesn’t get on there then you can do online schooling.

What a stupid comment. The kid is being bullied and having her mental health destroyed.

If this had been available when I did my GCSEs I’d have jumped at the chance. It would’ve been my idea of heaven. I hated school for similar reasons to your daughter and I honestly think I would’ve done better

Go for it

BottlingBurpsForGrandma
Most home educators use IGCSE's and A levels, regardless of if they use online schools, or just study independently or any mixture, and I've never heard of a university being anything but happy with them.

Amazing, thank you so much!

The reason I put this post in AIBU is because when I searched previous posts I could see they received very little traffic in other sections.

So it was a case of posting here and dodging the goady ones but hopefully connecting with people in the know. Thank you so much, I will PM you!

What a load of tosh, forcing her into an environment is what will make her socially incapable and isolated.

OP go for it.

My children have both been educated away from school because they weren't happy

Both are much more socially capable than they were when they were in school.

@Elleherd fabulous

Wishing your daughter all the best OP. And remember that nothing has to be permanent, online school could be a stepping stone back to a love of learning which might make school or college or uni in person hold more allure. I imagine school is exhausting for her at the moment.