To not contribute to maternity leave gift

[Stickystitch]

I've been in my job for just over 2 months and my manager is leaving in a few weeks to have a baby. It's been announced today that there will be a collection for her gift and to send money via PayPal pot or Monzo (it will be known who has contributed and who hasn't).

My work is remote - I've only met my manager in person once at a company team day, I don't know her at all, she never talks to me apart from half an hour every fortnight where she just dryly goes through the motions of a one to one - in my opinion she had checked out of her job ages ago as she knew she was going on leave. She's not really made any effort with me at all, asks me to do HR admin things that are really her job, and hasn't even done half of my onboarding which has made me look bad in meetings when I haven't known pretty basic parts of the job. Haven't had a great first impression.

I still have to contribute some money to the collection don't I, or I'll look bad? How much? I'm broke and really can't be bothered. Am I bad person?

Nah fuck that, if anyone asks tell them you don't even know her

£5 or nothing.
If you have a generic card you can give maybe just give that.

She's her direct boss, so I don't know her is not the best answer, is it? It's cr..p to work in a place where they put you on the spot with all this donating left and right, and with the list being public is ridiculous.

Anybody else thinking of Ross in Friends not giving to the janitor guy who left the day he moved in?!

I still think it was ridiculous to expect from new guy to chip in $100 for the handyman. Is it just me? 😂

I can understand it completely if you work in an office with 75 people, and there are daily collections for leaving /big birthdays/maternity /sickness...

But when you're paid a reasonable salary? ... And it's someone you've got on well with??

One medical consultant I worked with.. Big private practice as well as NHS... Team of about 12....
Not huge number of collections.... Lots of long standing staff...

Every time... He'd put a pound in, 😁🙄... So this was for his secretary's big birthday, his head nurse retiring who he worked with for 15 years...

It was noticed by everyone, and judged...he'd make no secret if it... It would have been much better if he just refused..

The consultant who everyone liked.. Would reguarly put in 50£ for long standing nurses big birthdays... He said to his secretary, these staff make it pleasure to be in work... So he wanted to show his appreciation.

Oh fgs Captain Literal, I'm sure you know what I meant by that, she started 2 months ago and has limited contact with her

I’d put a fiver in too

Gifts or money for gifts should flow down the supervisory reporting line, not upward. A boss or manager may give presents to direct reports, and employees can laterally exchange gifts with each other. But employees shouldn’t give gifts to supervisors. Employees shouldn’t feel pressure to give gifts or money to the person who may be signing their paycheck.

@Amanda080701 that's the etiquette theory. In real life people often want to give in money for a baby gift or retirement present if it's a colleague they like, regardless of the grade.
It's only a problem if there is an expectation people should contribute, if it's voluntary then people can do what they choose to with their money.

She will be back, a fiver for team building I would say.

Oh I did not see you were broke. Don't bother op. Really don't. You just arrived.

No you don’t know her, of course not, entirely reasonable that you don’t, but won’t she be coming bk, might you want to consider That?

Nothing will happen if you don’t contribute. Even if someone is rude enough to press you, you could explain that you are unfortunately skint and therefore can’t be buying presents for colleagues.

Urgh I hate this shit.
And they always seem to come round when you’re bloody skint!!

My team has done this for years (we’ve now been allowed to ‘opt out’). I always put in previously, but I’ve opted out now I have the chance, as over the years I haven’t been treated as favourably as some (blatant favouritism).

Don’t feel pressured into giving any money. You’ve not been there long. Your boss hasn’t exactly been great to you to date. Why should you give money you don’t have, to essentially a bunch of strangers?

When I worked in a hospital there was a few months at one time where so many women were going off on maternity leave and I was almost constantly getting the collection tin waved under my nose. I said NO every time.
I did get "Oh can't you afford 20p?" Once but ignored it.
I really should have made a sarcastic comment.
"Shame you can't get half pennies anymore, but then even that is worth more than I care!"
(That's just me though, and the girl concerned wasn't management!)
I did get funny attitudes off people for not giving but I'm the one with a fuller purse as a result.

If you give to this one then you'll get asked and expected to contribute every single time someone goes on maternity leave, even if it is your boss.

As long as you don't do collections yourself and don't care what they think it doesn't matter.

I wouldn’t personally, the place I used to work at asked for £10 for peoples birthdays, I didn’t earn that in an hour NMW, I didn’t particularly like the people or the job ha ha so didn’t bother.

YANBU not to, but I would just to engage as part of the team, a fiver would be fine and stop tongues wagging.

I remember the first times I went to the pub with a bunch of mostly Brits. For me, 1 or 2 pints is enough but they drank like sponges (compared to what I'm used to anyway) and they have this weird (but very British) habit of each paying a round. I thought it was ridiculous, you know? Like, I'm drinking 2 pints and paying for 10 in return?! But I realised it's a British thing, don't get me wrong everybody pays a round every now and then in other countries, but the UK is the only one I know where you're expected to pay every single person a round, every single time, and people who don't do it end up being the main topic of conversation as they're not very friendly or if they get their drink and then bugger (even if it's for a serious reason) they're taking advantage so won't be invited next time.
I'm surprised to read here that so many people think nobody would notice the new kid at work didn't contribute to a maternity gift to her boss (who may be mean but is also likely to return at some point). Honestly, if I were planning on moving jobs soons, I'd give zilch but if the OP thinks they might stay for a while... it's not about team-building, it's about not being seen as the cheap prick who won't even butter up the boss. (If it were a regular co-worker, I would feel inclined to give zilch too btw if I were struggling financially)

No manager should be expecting their employees to buy them presents for anything, especially because they got pregnant. When I was a manager I'd have been mortified if the staff felt like they needed to spend their hard earned money on me. I did receive some lovely leaving presents and messages but I still felt uncomfortable about it.

My company has hundreds of employees ,the first week I started I was asked to contribute to three leaving presents/ cards .
The self appointed office social person , kept putting the cards and envelopes on my desk “ just in case I wanted to add a fiver “ so £15 in my first week .
I said no, we stopped it in my old job and I can’t afford to keep doing this ,even more so I have no idea who Tom from IT is.

The ironic thing was a big boss on £200k a year left and we were bombarded with emails to give for his present …not likely !
The bloke didn’t even acknowledge you in the lift…
Op , set your precedent now and tell them no if you don’t want to.

No more than a fiver

See the threads on "Ask a manager". Gifts at work always go to workers below you NEVER up to managers. They make higher salaries and gifts aren't appropriate.

i like that idea and agree with it
we used to collect for all and actually bought a manager vouchers for Next, which is quite daft considering they simply do not need money!

I always used to give but after so many times of not even getting a thank you I don't bother anymore. Rude not to say something