To not contribute to maternity leave gift

[Stickystitch]

I've been in my job for just over 2 months and my manager is leaving in a few weeks to have a baby. It's been announced today that there will be a collection for her gift and to send money via PayPal pot or Monzo (it will be known who has contributed and who hasn't).

My work is remote - I've only met my manager in person once at a company team day, I don't know her at all, she never talks to me apart from half an hour every fortnight where she just dryly goes through the motions of a one to one - in my opinion she had checked out of her job ages ago as she knew she was going on leave. She's not really made any effort with me at all, asks me to do HR admin things that are really her job, and hasn't even done half of my onboarding which has made me look bad in meetings when I haven't known pretty basic parts of the job. Haven't had a great first impression.

I still have to contribute some money to the collection don't I, or I'll look bad? How much? I'm broke and really can't be bothered. Am I bad person?

I wouldn't expect a new starter I was working with, especially remotely, to contribute to this and would be suprised if they did. Anyone that used it as a reason to dislike a new starter, works in some horrific toxic workplace that doean't deserve to retain its staff.

OP don't put anything in, it's a ridiculous expectation from a new starter. When I went on mat leave (during the lockdown so contributions were also paypal) I had no idea who contributed and when others have received group leaving presents or contributions I have only ever taken note if my extremely well compensated head of department had dipped in his pocket (he rarely does) x

Don't bother look after yourself. It should be anonymous all this anyway nobody should be able to see what people put in anyway.

She's having a baby so what nothing to do with you. You need your money for you and all these rising bills etc.

I wouldn't expect a new starter I was working with, especially remotely, to contribute to this and would be suprised if they did.

Agreed. No one will notice OP didn't contribute.

I think all things considered, it might be a smart move to chuck a fiver in , I know you are skint but this would be an investment in your future happiness at work.

Will your new line manager see if you have contributed, as in are they internal? even more of good idea to contribute if so.

If you are thinking of leaving anyway as you have had a bad impression, leave it, but if you are staying you will be having a fresh start with a new line manager so might be worth just putting in.

No wouldn’t put in. I don’t give a damn what people think.

I don't contribute to many collections. Two colleagues are leaving this week so I have contributed to their leaving collections (£5 each) but I haven't for example contributed to a wedding collection or big O birthday collections. It gets out of hand!

I don't care what people think. They don't know my financial situation and it's none of their business.

I wouldn't expect a new starter I was working with, especially remotely, to contribute to this and would be surprised if they did. Anyone that used it as a reason to dislike a new starter, works in some horrific toxic workplace that doesn't deserve to retain its staff

Totally agree with this as well. Companies should provide gifts for their staff if they feel it's a nice thing to do; otherwise it is completely voluntary.

If anything give to the (lower paid) colleague and don't give to the boss, surely?

I wouldn't bother if you don't know her. When I worked in an office, a large envelope with a card would be circulated and what you put in was completely anonymous. I also hated being asked to pay for their children's sponsored stuff and have never asked anyone to sponsor my child.

Also I have many facebook friends and sometimes I sponsor them and other times not.

People don't know your situation, don't know how many other people you have to buy for etc.

I think it's fine not to contribute if you barely know her.

FWIW, I've had to organise collections like that before, and although I've seen where the money is coming in from, I've never once even thought about mentally ticking people off a list as their contribution arrives. I've honestly never thought 'Hmmm, why hasn't colleague X or colleague Y given anything?' or 'Wow, that's a tiny amount from colleague Z'.

This is why a cash donation where it is not known the amount put in or not is far better

I agree, but it's also why some prefer traceable donations - because they believe they'll get more if the donors know someone's going to be poring over it

Only you can decide, OP, but if you prefer not to give and anyone asks, I'd simply say that you didn't know the manager personally

I’ve been in work for 20 years this year and my new years resolution was to stop putting money into mat leave send offs and newborn gift collections. Last year there were 15 people going on mat leave, and each one got those two sets of contributions - 30, in a YEAR. I totalled up what I’ve spent winging £10 in each one over the years and decided enough was enough (I’m infertile so will never get ‘’my turn”, not that that’s the point).

YANBU OP. On the positive side it’s a great way to find out if your workplace is toxic!

Wow, how miserable and stingy. You can stick a fiver into the pot, surely?

Interestingly I never donate to marathon collections unless for close friends or family. The requests are relentless.

If you want to do sport fine but don’t come after me for money to get you into these races. I donate monthly to my own charities.

I wouldn't put any money. Remote work and only 2 months? You don't even know her, don't feel like you have to chip in.

no @Glitterspy , hence the question

oh so thats ok then @Glitterspy
you dont sponser but the op is miserable?

I’d give £5 and leave it at that. If money is very tight don’t contribute but for the sake of employee relations it’s worth popping in a token amount if you can. I know from experience that’s it’s often noted when someone contributes nothing!

Why should any colleague have to contribute to a maternity leave gift? Surely there will be a gift when the baby's born but as people also have those daft baby showers to make money as well it could get expensive! A gender reveal gift next? A pregnancy reveal gift? A conception gift? A putting pants back on gift?

In my experience group gifts never come without arguments/ expectations/ judgement/ embarrassment/ upset. I've contributed to many in the past but none of them have been plain sailing. There's always some fall out.

I'd say it's good etiquette to put a few quid in, but if you're short atm I wouldn't worry about it.
I do hate when collections come round and I'm broke, but the good thing is in my team we will all agree a smallish amount.

I would put £5 in still if I was you. She's still your manager and it's good to take part in team things like this.

i had just started a long term temporary job when i was asked if i wanted to donate to the cleaner <<evening, never saw them>>
and that i could not sign the card unless i donated - i did neither

and now i very rarely contribute, only if they mean something to me, if i havent seen them for 2 years due to covid for example, again, its a No.

although i had that policy regarding a colleague who i disliked, being off sick,
and she died
all the bed rest caused her a blood clot

5 quid because she's your boss and will be coming back at some point in the future. Yes, it would look bad to not give anything but it looks worse for the company to push staff into a corner by doing it like this, in a way where everybody will know who gave how much. I find this abusive and I'm surprised nobody sent an anonymous email (using a VPN!) to HR to complain they're being made to give money to sb they don't like.