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Original poster

To not contribute to maternity leave gift

177 replies

Stickystitch · 27/06/2022 23:08

I've been in my job for just over 2 months and my manager is leaving in a few weeks to have a baby. It's been announced today that there will be a collection for her gift and to send money via PayPal pot or Monzo (it will be known who has contributed and who hasn't).

My work is remote - I've only met my manager in person once at a company team day, I don't know her at all, she never talks to me apart from half an hour every fortnight where she just dryly goes through the motions of a one to one - in my opinion she had checked out of her job ages ago as she knew she was going on leave. She's not really made any effort with me at all, asks me to do HR admin things that are really her job, and hasn't even done half of my onboarding which has made me look bad in meetings when I haven't known pretty basic parts of the job. Haven't had a great first impression.

I still have to contribute some money to the collection don't I, or I'll look bad? How much? I'm broke and really can't be bothered. Am I bad person?

OP posts:
ExcaliburBaby · 28/06/2022 07:19

I’d probably stick a fiver in just to save any worry about what people thought of me - but I’m a worrier!

failing that you could say “oh I didn’t realise there was a collection, I’ve already got X a card and little pressie” and just get her a cheap card and little box of chocs from supermarket

rookiemere · 28/06/2022 07:21

I wouldn't bother. I used to organise the online collections in my old team and some people would contribute and some wouldn't. I would notice a donation of say £2 more than no donation, but even then it's always a personal choice to donate or not.
You've only known her for 2 months, so I'd say you're not obliged.

rookiemere · 28/06/2022 07:22

Sorry just to contradict my earlier statement. I do think it's tacky to sign the card ( unless it's a free e card) if you haven't put money in the pot.

allboysherebutme · 28/06/2022 07:35

I would contribute it's a nice thing to do and I think things like that help people bond build relationships. Eg. Ohh so and so contributed to the gift I think it helps people warm to each other. X

LetHimHaveIt · 28/06/2022 07:37

Yeah; give nothing or give a tenner. Don't, for the love of fuck, give 50p.

Shitscared123 · 28/06/2022 07:44

5 quid or nowt. In your case, the latter is fine. Do not sign the card if you aren’t contributing.

GreenWheat · 28/06/2022 07:47

Oh God just be a team player and stick in a fiver. Honestly, I am so pleased I don't work with some of the po-faces on here.

ShirleyPhallus · 28/06/2022 07:49

ExcaliburBaby · 28/06/2022 07:19

I’d probably stick a fiver in just to save any worry about what people thought of me - but I’m a worrier!

failing that you could say “oh I didn’t realise there was a collection, I’ve already got X a card and little pressie” and just get her a cheap card and little box of chocs from supermarket

This is both more expensive and more hassle than actually just sticking a fiver in the online pot!

BarbaraofSeville · 28/06/2022 08:12

Hmm at all those saying 'just stick £5/10 in' as if it's nothing.

The OP says she's broke and her manager hasn't made any effort to make her feel welcome or settle in to her new job.

YANBU OP. Don't contribute and don't give it a second thought. If anyone notices they won't think anything of it unless they're really petty about such things and there's no point wasting life worrying about that sort of person.

Do people really check who contributes and who doesn't? When we have collections, the amount is anonymous and they just say 'contribute by X date' with a couple of reminders. I don't think anyone is ticking names off a list and checking the amounts.

user1471538283 · 28/06/2022 08:15

Collections do my head in! We get them all the time for people I dont even know. I havent contributed to a collection since my birthday was completely forgotten (just a card but my colleagues birthday was the exact same day and she got one).

One team I was in took collection for every single little thing.

If I know someone well I usually get something very small like flowers just from me.

I wouldn't put any money in. Times are hard for lots of people.

DomPerignon12 · 28/06/2022 08:25

Don’t contribute- these people probably don’t know you well enough to think ‘oh Stickystich didn’t contribute’ doubt they’d even remember.

Workplace collections should honestly be banned, unless it’s a pot where everyone pays in an equal amount at the start of the year or sth .

MrsLargeEmbodied · 28/06/2022 08:27

Overtired201984 · 28/06/2022 00:01

I’m usually the organiser of these things where I work , so I always know the culprits who don’t put , it’s not compulsory but I can’t help but think tight gits to the same ones over again . Newbies I wouldn’t usually expect anyway . However as it’s your boss I think I would just go for a fiver , but that’s just me .

i think that is an awful attitude
each to their own
it is not compulsory and people have different commitments and outgoings

this is why a cash donation where it is not known the amount put in or not is far better.

rookiemere · 28/06/2022 08:30

I never thought "tight gits" if people didn't put money. I did think it if they wanted to sign the card without putting money in.

There was one extremely generous team member who put in £20 each time, I felt so bad that I left before he did as I bet nobody organised his collection.

Ultimately it's meant to be a nice gesture from colleagues who care about you, I wouldn't expect someone to contribute 2 months into a role.

RaspberryChouxBuns · 28/06/2022 08:32

I hate these whip arounds with a passion that if lit would burn bright white. You don't know her, of course you don't have to contribute. If anything a small gift should be bought by the bloody tight arsed company and not her colleagues.

DomPerignon12 · 28/06/2022 08:33

@Overtired201984 why do you feel so entitled to other people’s money? Especially as said people might never get anything back if they’ve never going to get married, pregnant, have a big birthday (please don’t tell me you collect for every birthday!)

Fair enough if they accept gifts but don’t contribute… otherwise they have every right to not put their hands in their pockets. With the current economic climate every penny is essential anyway.

BarbaraofSeville · 28/06/2022 08:34

Overtired201984 · 28/06/2022 00:01

I’m usually the organiser of these things where I work , so I always know the culprits who don’t put , it’s not compulsory but I can’t help but think tight gits to the same ones over again . Newbies I wouldn’t usually expect anyway . However as it’s your boss I think I would just go for a fiver , but that’s just me .

But are you fair with organising? We also have someone who takes it on herself to do all the collection organising, but she only does it for her 'favourites'.

Over the years there are people who've had collections for multiple babies, periods of sick leave and 40, 50 and 60th birthdays and other people who've not had any at all. So if I was one who's never been the recipient of a collection, I wouldn't feel bad about not putting in for those who've had several.

Overtired201984 · 28/06/2022 08:37

DomPerignon12 · 28/06/2022 08:33

@Overtired201984 why do you feel so entitled to other people’s money? Especially as said people might never get anything back if they’ve never going to get married, pregnant, have a big birthday (please don’t tell me you collect for every birthday!)

Fair enough if they accept gifts but don’t contribute… otherwise they have every right to not put their hands in their pockets. With the current economic climate every penny is essential anyway.

I certainly never said I feel entitled to anyones money , not sure where you got that from .

no it’s just for leavers and maternity , people can give what they want , I didn’t choose to be this person it just happened and now I get asked to do it .

MrsLargeEmbodied · 28/06/2022 08:37

where i work we can sign the card and do not have to donate

saveforthat · 28/06/2022 08:37

I'm astounded by some of these replies. If I had been somewhere 2 months I would still contribute to my boss's collection. Not so much as I would if I'd known her for 2 years of course. Maybe office collections will die out now the majority WFH. I suppose opinion will be divided on whether that is a good or bad thing.

luckylavender · 28/06/2022 08:38

Keepyoursarcasmtoyourself · 27/06/2022 23:19

I'd put £5 in. Not worth the hassle not contributing could cause.

This

SuperTea · 28/06/2022 08:38

I don't think you do. Just stay quiet. No one will care.

Overtired201984 · 28/06/2022 08:39

BarbaraofSeville · 28/06/2022 08:34

But are you fair with organising? We also have someone who takes it on herself to do all the collection organising, but she only does it for her 'favourites'.

Over the years there are people who've had collections for multiple babies, periods of sick leave and 40, 50 and 60th birthdays and other people who've not had any at all. So if I was one who's never been the recipient of a collection, I wouldn't feel bad about not putting in for those who've had several.

Show quote history

Yes always fair , I am not really particular close to anyone where I work , so no favourites , so it’s always just maternity and leavers , I did it once for a first time maternity and now I kind of get asked to do it .

i don’t mind at all , I just find it so funny the people adamant to sign the card and never give anything , again just my opinion .

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 28/06/2022 08:39

Meh I’d send a nominal amount (£2?) just say it’s a tight month before anyone can get in with shorty comments first and leave it there

Overtired201984 · 28/06/2022 08:41

rookiemere · 28/06/2022 08:30

I never thought "tight gits" if people didn't put money. I did think it if they wanted to sign the card without putting money in.

There was one extremely generous team member who put in £20 each time, I felt so bad that I left before he did as I bet nobody organised his collection.

Ultimately it's meant to be a nice gesture from colleagues who care about you, I wouldn't expect someone to contribute 2 months into a role.

Agreed …..yes this is what I meant ….. with the signing of the card but not putting.

PritiPatelsMaker · 28/06/2022 08:41

Agree with contributing a fiver, especially if you are planning on staying in your job.