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Original poster

To not contribute to maternity leave gift

177 replies

Stickystitch · 27/06/2022 23:08

I've been in my job for just over 2 months and my manager is leaving in a few weeks to have a baby. It's been announced today that there will be a collection for her gift and to send money via PayPal pot or Monzo (it will be known who has contributed and who hasn't).

My work is remote - I've only met my manager in person once at a company team day, I don't know her at all, she never talks to me apart from half an hour every fortnight where she just dryly goes through the motions of a one to one - in my opinion she had checked out of her job ages ago as she knew she was going on leave. She's not really made any effort with me at all, asks me to do HR admin things that are really her job, and hasn't even done half of my onboarding which has made me look bad in meetings when I haven't known pretty basic parts of the job. Haven't had a great first impression.

I still have to contribute some money to the collection don't I, or I'll look bad? How much? I'm broke and really can't be bothered. Am I bad person?

OP posts:
Meraas · 28/06/2022 08:43

I don’t think you should contribute, you’ve only met her once. People are saying stick a fiver in buy a fiver is a lot when you’re broke.

hasn't even done half of my onboarding which has made me look bad in meetings when I haven't known pretty basic parts of the job. Haven't had a great first impression.

I do wonder about this though. What kind of onboarding things hasn’t she done? At our company we’d expect new starters to show some reasonable levels of initiative too.

itrytomakemyway · 28/06/2022 08:43

I also hate thse collections - every blooming week we seemed to be handing over money for something. And don't get me started on people bring in their kids sponsorship forms, or even worse, asking for 'sponsorship' for their 'charity' trek in Peru or skydive.

Personally I think it is best to give nothing. People will forget the non contributors, but they will always remember the tight wad who gave 50p.

PinkWisteria · 28/06/2022 08:44

Am amazed by the number of people who would just just stick £5/£10 in a collection like this. I would only have put this amount in for a valued colleague and do not consider myself stingy!

Clevs · 28/06/2022 08:45

I only contribute if I think the recipient would contribute if it was me leaving.

I used to contribute to all of them, but after having no congratulations, card, collection etc. when I had a baby after working for the firm for 18 years I've got a bit bitter. Especially as there were elaborate gifts and collections for people who hadn't been there even half as long as me.

itrytomakemyway · 28/06/2022 08:53

My daughter did some temping work. In the 10 weeks she was there there was a collection for someone who was leaving (expected minimum donation £10), a collection because it was someone's 50th birthday (again expected at least £10) - and a compulsory 'donation' of £10 for a buffet for the birthday lunch.

She also had a birthday during that time and was told to bring in cakes and snacks because that was the tradition in that organisation.

She was on £10 an hour. Her colleagues were on huge salaries, drove cars with personalised numberplates. They prided themselves on their great team spirit and wonderful HR.

So, after shelling out more than half a days wages for all of these donations for her birthday she got a card and a bunch of flowers from Lidl.

Places that want to make a big show of team spirit and caring for employees should either pay for it themselves, or have an annual pot that people opt into. It is shameful that it is often those at the lowest point of the salary scale often feel pressure to give up what, for them, is a significant amount of money.

easyday · 28/06/2022 08:53

I wouldn't bother. It would take a really petty person to check up who contributed then think less of you. Those kind of people are not worth your thought space.

KatherineJaneway · 28/06/2022 08:56

Don't contribute. You've only been there two months, no where I have worked would expect you to contribute after such a short period of time.

Spanielsarepainless · 28/06/2022 08:56

I wouldn't. She isn't a friend. I have seen the toll on mental health when the line between work and home life is so porous.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 28/06/2022 08:57

you are broke
dont do it op

Allicando · 28/06/2022 09:00

At my work (large NHS community team) over the past month we have had collections for one leaver, two weddings, two maternity leaves and one retirement. A 5 really tots up over a month, nothing about being 'po faced' simply not affordable for many. I did contribute to my lovely colleagues retirement as I have worked with her for over 20 years but not the others.

PerfectlyQuiet · 28/06/2022 09:05

I wouldn't. You don't like her and you are broke.

MyneighbourisTotoro · 28/06/2022 09:11

I wouldn’t ever put anything into a contribution box!
Times difficult enough right now with the rising costs of living, who can afford to throw away £5/£10 on some random person!?

Danikm151 · 28/06/2022 09:13

Just be straight and say it’s not in your budget

Mally100 · 28/06/2022 09:18

I think you should at least do a 5. You will be noticed for future events as being tight. If you are happy with that or not care when it's your turn then don't contribute.

SleeplessInEngland · 28/06/2022 09:19

I very much doubt they'd expect you to contribute.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 28/06/2022 09:36

@Mally100
why should people notice?
who is that petty?

Bibbitybobbity567 · 28/06/2022 09:42

I simply hate office collections like this!

At my previous place there was one person in charge of it and she would hound you until you put something in - at the time I literally was accessing food banks to feed my children! Way too much pressure

My new job however the management pay for any gifts for colleagues and put it through as an expense - all they ask for is for you to send across a message for the card. Absolutely amazing!!!

Bibbitybobbity567 · 28/06/2022 09:42

Oh and on a further note on previous job - if you didn’t contribute to the gift your name wouldn’t be put in the card. So they made it obvious to the receiver who had contributed!!! Pretty disgusting really!!

GoldenSongbird · 28/06/2022 09:44

By the time she leaves, you'll have been there three months. Ask someone what the culture of the company is around presents. Or just ignore it completely.

RadFad · 28/06/2022 09:46

I started a job end of November and someone in the team wanted to make hampers for the manager, clinical lead and consultant. I messaged separately and just said I couldn't afford to that close to Christmas. I'd only been in the team 3 weeks! The person organising it was absolutely fine about it.

DomPerignon12 · 28/06/2022 09:46

itrytomakemyway · 28/06/2022 08:53

My daughter did some temping work. In the 10 weeks she was there there was a collection for someone who was leaving (expected minimum donation £10), a collection because it was someone's 50th birthday (again expected at least £10) - and a compulsory 'donation' of £10 for a buffet for the birthday lunch.

She also had a birthday during that time and was told to bring in cakes and snacks because that was the tradition in that organisation.

She was on £10 an hour. Her colleagues were on huge salaries, drove cars with personalised numberplates. They prided themselves on their great team spirit and wonderful HR.

So, after shelling out more than half a days wages for all of these donations for her birthday she got a card and a bunch of flowers from Lidl.

Places that want to make a big show of team spirit and caring for employees should either pay for it themselves, or have an annual pot that people opt into. It is shameful that it is often those at the lowest point of the salary scale often feel pressure to give up what, for them, is a significant amount of money.

Exactly!
Also it’s very materialistic to expect gifts as a token of appreciation from people you work with. Isn’t good wishes and them asking interested questions enough?

Also… weddings… why should anybody contribute £££ for a wedding they weren’t invited to?
Madness

I’m so glad I now work in a team where we don’t do any of this rubbish

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 28/06/2022 09:48

You've been there a short time and you don't know your manager, a few quid or a fiver at most would be fine but you don't have to put anything at all especially if you can't afford it and you don't have the relationship/investment in manager and her pregnancy!

A nice message in an e-card would be more than enough.

rookiemere · 28/06/2022 09:54

Bibbitybobbity567 · 28/06/2022 09:42

Oh and on a further note on previous job - if you didn’t contribute to the gift your name wouldn’t be put in the card. So they made it obvious to the receiver who had contributed!!! Pretty disgusting really!!

I totally agree that you should not have been hounded to contribute and that was wrong.

However as someone who ended up organising a lot of collections through lockdown by default, I'd like to point out that leaving cards cost money - particularly the big ones. Why should someone be able to sign it when they've not contributed to those costs ?

I never stopped someone from signing or to be more accurate sending me a message to write in, but I do think it's cheap not to put in a couple of quid at least but still expect to sign a card that someone else has paid for.

HappyHappyHermit · 28/06/2022 09:56

We used to do £2 per person as that way it doesn't put too much on anyone and it does still add up. £10 is ridiculous either way. I'd probably do the small contribution in the interests of not looking petty.

cushioncovers · 28/06/2022 10:03

Nope I wouldn't, I don't at work if I don't know them that well or if they've been shitty to work with