Racist message in group chat WWYD?

[Thebeastofsleep]

DH, not me. Is in a group chat for an up coming stag group. DH only knows he stag and no other attendees/ group members. One group member has been posting 'banter' in the chat - memes, videos etc. Most of these have been fairly normal fodder, some slightly offensive. No one in the group has reciprocated/ commented on these but he keeps doing it. Stag has commented that its a group to plan the stag do, not a jokes thread and tried to get it back on track. Now the same person has posted an overtly racist video. Its shocking. DH is absolutely outraged.

WWYD:

1. comment that the video is completely in appropriate and leave the group and not attend the stag do.
2. comment that the video is completely inappropriate and leave group but still attend the do.
3. comment as above but stay in the group and attend.
4. say nothing, leave the group.
5. say nothing, act like it didn't happen.

DH is erring on 1 at the moment but he has no idea who this person is in relation to the stag/ rest of the group other than he isn't the best man.

I'm not saying everyone I know would call out every example of racism regardless of risk to themselves, shock of the moment, whatever. But this is a very safe situation to speak up in, over WhatsApp so no physical risk, and there been plenty of time to formulate a response. Its also about as bad as it gets.
This man was inviting people to laugh at POC being shot. In my world that's comparable to expecting people to find rape or child abuse funny. Ignoring that is hardly the same as failing to stand up for yourself when your neighbour's blocked your drive.
It's way outside of the boundaries of civilised behaviour, and so I do find it surprising that people would say nothing and pretend it hadn't happened. It makes me wonder what they would speak up about if not that.

Hes a prick and needs to be told so.

three.
and I did do this in a WhatsApp group , the poster was a bit indignant and decided to leave the group , phew

Yep this.

But this is a very safe situation to speak up in, over WhatsApp so no physical risk, and there been plenty of time to formulate a response

I didn't necessarily mean physical risk and no I don't agree that just because it's on a whatsapp group makes it less difficult to confront. You are still attracting attention to yourself infront of others and godknows what way the msgs could go and then they could go viral etc.

Leave group tell the stag why he has left and asked to be told about stag do updates away from the group.

And THEN call him out in the group

Unfortunatelt there is little point speaking up about it. Anybody posting racist videos is far too stupid to reason with and might cause your HB issues at the stag go.

Genuinely shocked and fucking dismayed really that so many people wouldn't stand up to racism or call it out. What the actual fuck? If this is how it really would be for you or just is 'being honest' I am so glad I don' live in your world. By the way being a CF is not a hate crime.

5

Yes this option 6

Good on your husband for saying something. Idiots get away with too much because people don’t say anything

Others might not have opened the video and so might not have said anything because they hadn't seen it. I almost never open that type of post on Whattsapp. I bet I'm not the only one.

But surely some things are more important than not attracting attention to yourself? As I said before, if this isn't something that would make someone put their own discomfort aside, what would it take?
All it needs is 'That's not funny, it's racist and offensive' and then disengage and message the groom separately. Nothing there to trouble the DH wherever the messages ended up.

You have a good husband who called out this shit. It takes one person to have courage - look how the others followed.

I'd definitely call it out. I've done this face to face too.

Same here. Shocked that people think keeping a good atmosphere at the stag do/not making it awkward for the groom (who deserves zero consideration if he tolerates mates like that) justifies ignoring something like this. I'm glad it's not my world either.

It’s not banter, racism never is.

2

It must be wonderful in a world that is so black and white.

There’s no nuances or shade of grey to a racist video, if you can’t even call that out to someone you don’t even know/care about then you are spineless.

1. If you're not challenging racism then you're part of the problem. And not attending the stag is punishing the groom for the racist guy's behaviour and that's not fair on him.

1. I don't want to be friends with racists or apologists for racism.

Well unless you think avoiding an atmosphere at a stag do is of equal or greater priority to avoiding colluding with an extreme form of racism, I don't see any grey areas here.

1. The racist should leave the group, not your DH.