I was really rude and possibly discriminatory to my boss. What should I do?

[Iottie]

NC.

I was in our Monday team zoom meeting. We somehow got onto the Roe v Wade ruling.

My boss is extremely right wing. He was saying how he supported the ruling, it should have never been made in the first place, life begins at conception, bla bla bla etc.

I am the only woman on the team and I was getting more and more irate. I blurted out something I probably shouldn’t have. I can’t remember exactly but it was something along the lines of:

“Well, what’s it to you? You’re a gay man so it has no bearing on you whatsoever but it is going to impact millions of often poor and vulnerable women. Men should have no say over women’s bodies.”

There was a really awkward silence before we moved onto another topic.

Right, so I could have been more polite and nuanced in my point, but now I am terrified I discriminated against him by referencing his sexuality.

I know I really shouldn’t have mentioned it - I could have said the same thing without bringing it up but I just got more and more wound up by a bunch of men agreeing with each other instigated by him.

As I mentioned my boss is really right wing so I don’t think he’d report me for being discriminatory as he calls diversity and inclusion bollocks anyway. But if he does I know I could be in big trouble.

What do I do? I don’t know if I should message him apologising but that might just bring more attention to it…?

Discriminatory is treating someone unfairly. It's not unfair to point out that a gay man will never be impacted by abortion law.

There's harassment which is a different thing - intending to cause distress or alarm.

You did neither, absolutely do not worry on those grounds. He may have it in for you now though, just because you bested him. Depending on your relationship I might think about apologising for 'responding to your views on women's rights more heatedly than I would have wished' or similar.

This wasn't an appropriate workplace discussion and personally I wouldn't have got involved at all.

Whilst it was probably unwise to reference his sexuality, I don't think what you said was discriminatory. It would be disingenuous to pretend that a gay man is as likely to be impacted by an unwanted pregnancy as either a woman or a straight/bisexual man.

@Merryclaire that doesn't make what the OP said any less discriminatory.

@Hotchox completely agree - I find the whole idea of being gay but really right wing hard to get my head round.

Being part of a group that has had to fight for their own rights usually makes people a bit more sympathetic and open minded.

This.

i don’t agree it’s as relevant to gay men at all. I’d stand by your comments, OP. well done.

@Dirtylittleroses

she didn’t behave terribly but he did

Nope, don't apologise, no one wants to listen to him spout his offensive right wing views in a work meeting. Giving him a slap down in front of colleagues was entirely appropriate after all as your boss he sets the tone of the meeting. If he strongly believes in free speech then he shouldn't have a problem with you also exercising that right.

It would be disingenuous to pretend that a gay man is as likely to be impacted by an unwanted pregnancy as either a woman or a straight/bisexual man.

Not being as likely doesn't make any difference here. The OP's language was still discriminatory.

She brought up his sexuality and basically told him his opinion counts for zero because he's gay.

Just noting - you didn't say you have no say, which would be an opinion, you said it has no bearing/won't impact you. That is a straightforward fact. His sexuality is relevant because it won't impact him via a female partner.

Don't apologise. It was a frank exchange of views, which he initiated.

We will have to agree to disagree, but at the end of the day she learned her lesson not to let emotions get the better of her and will unlikely say anything like that again.

His behaviour was much worse - plus he also stated he doesn’t care about being PC etc - so can’t see how it will go any further without him getting in more trouble than OP.

A gay man is unlikely to accidentally/ unintentionally get a surrogate pregnant though 😂🙄.

I don’t think you said anything wrong OP. I do think being gay means he has less of a stake in this issue, therefore it was a relevant comment.

I wouldn't apologise. What you said was true. I doubt he'll take if further, but if he does I would claim that he was discriminating against you and your female sex by advocating the rolling-back of women's reproductive rights.

The bottom line is no one has a say on another persons body. It doesn’t matter if you’re male female gay straight, bi, black, white anything. If you need to use someone’s personal make up to silence them then you’ve lost the argument and you do other women no favours.

Except she didn't say that. And actually yes, the opinions that should count most are those belonging to the people most affected.

I'd let it go. If you're used to talking political issues then of course he's entitled to his opinion and its going to be based on his beliefs. You're entitled to your opinion and its based on your belief. It doesn't matter that he's a man so doesn't have the problem of unwanted pregnancy but it doesn't mean he doesn't get to state his view.

I'm not affected by the HS2 works but I'm still allowed an opinion. To say that someone isn't entitled to give an opinion because it doesn't directly affect you really limits your options.

I wouldnt be remotely offended if I was preaching about my views on gay rights, say for example gay marriage, saying I thought it was wrong (I dont at all btw) and someone said to me why do you have that view though when it is unlikely to affect you as a straight woman?

I also think the fact you was in a room full of men agreeing with him is horrendous and they should be ashamed of themselves. Even if that is their views keep it out the work place.

I’d be dismissive of that situation, too. Because it would be in vanishingly rare circumstances. I’m sure someone will start Googling to find such a case, but, yeah…literally couldn’t give less of a shit.

Except she didn't say that. And actually yes, the opinions that should count most are those belonging to the people most affected.

Exactly. We have free speech so obviously anyone can have an opinion. But whether I give that opinion any merit depends on what I think your agenda is and I absolutely question the agenda of a gay man opposing abortion.

I’d be dismissive of that situation, too. Because it would be in vanishingly rare circumstances. I’m sure someone will start Googling to find such a case, but, yeah…literally couldn’t give less of a shit.

So rare it's almost negligible I imagine.

I don't believe for a second his opposition to abortion is because there are gay couples across the world who's surrogate's are all having abortions and they are oh so affected by this issue.

"A gay man is unlikely to accidentally/ unintentionally get a surrogate pregnant though" 😂🙄.

Why do people keep repeating this ignorant nonsense?

Do you honestly think a surrogate's only decision to abort would be because the pregnancy was 'accidental'?

There are a whole load of other reasons she might want to exercise her right to abort.

Jesus it only takes a bit of thought.

So he will use a woman as a vehicle for his baby? He really is a twat.

See even this is quite dismissive if you don't understand that gay men can and do (often) have children.

They do, but if the children were born before they came.out then the children are already here, so no relevance. If they choose to have children now, (either with a surrogate or some mutual arrangement, it will definitely be a choice, not an unplanned pregnancy.

If they plan a baby this way and there is a problem with the pregnancy, it is not they who have do go through it. If restriction on abortion results in a loss at birth, or a severely disabled child, they can simply walk away, they would not be affected in the way a loving husband would be.

Perfectly put 👏👏👏

It's really quite simple. I'm surprised at how many people are playing 'But Olympics' here.