To believe sports day should be optional?

[SafeHeaven]

Dd is starting to worry about sports day, she hates it every year and always comes last.

She hates all the parents watching her whilst she struggles with the sack etc and always has tears when everyone has finished and she still has a way to go.

Ive asked the school if sports day can be optional as it’s not worth the anxiety leading up to it and the humiliation of it. I’ve been told they have never been asked this before and they will need to discuss it with SLT.

Listening to the radio the other day, many people have bad memories of it.

AIBU to request sports day is optional?

There are an awful lot of posters on here need to get a grip and hand their snowflake children a grip too.

The words used on this thread is unbelievable.

Abusive
humiliation
anxiety
self esteem
mental health
Distressed
dread
embarrassment
traumatise
hyperventilating
shaking
damaging

Jesus, teach your kids some resilience. Life isn't always fair, not everyone wins or are good at everything, its a fact of life and teaching them that from a young age is a good thing!

@ZeroFuchsGiven teaching empathy, consideration, and kindness are also good. Perhaps you missed those?

Imagine thinking people are going to listen to your ideas on childrearing after you've posted that.

I think the OPs child is all too aware that she's not good at everything. It'd be much better if the school could give her a task she can do, as her means of participating, rather than force her to 'compete'.

My child is one of the most resilient people you could meet. He has been through much more than a lot of people go through in their life. That is the exact reason I am not going to force him to take part in sports day or similar if he is adamant he doesn’t want to!

Snowflake children for not wanting to participate in an annual event. Nice. I think you've missed the point.

The equivalent is getting Johnny who is rubbish at maths up on stage in front of all the parents, watching and cheering him on whilst he fails to add 2 +2.

Or in a more realistic example, forcing a child with a bad stutter to have a speaking part in a school play.

Doing physical activity is good for children. But it's absolutely not necessary (or desirable) for them all to have to publicly compete. All that will happen is that the child will hate sports and be less active than they might be otherwise.

I hate the concept of teaching resilience . Why should anyone put up with something they aren’t comfortable with under the guise of resilience I’d rather teach children to know their personal limit and be able to articulate that to adults and to be respected

I haven't made my autistic dyspraxic child attend sports day since year 3. I give zero fucks what anyone else thinks.

If this many parents feel it is inappropriate to go and watch I guess parents could all opt out of watching. That way the children would only be doing it front of their peers so the same as other subjects.

One of my children is not athletic at all and always comes last in all the races. I spend a lot of time trying to build their resilience to this and explaining that they are good at some things and not others and that the main thing is to take part and try to enjoy it.

I also try to show to my kids that I sometime come last in things or find it hard but that it is sometimes better to have a go and fail than not to try at all.

I know I mentioned Parkrun before but it really is a very inclusive way to try out running or walking but not a race. Plus there are opportunities for volunteering for those that really don’t want to or can’t take part in the run. Maybe kids who really don’t want to do the sports day races could help wit my time keeping or setting the races off. That could be a good way of it being inclusive but not humiliating.

High schools do do it. My high school had sports day and my daughters school has sports day next week.

I posted this early on and have been surprised that only one other person has said their school does similar (I’d always assumed that was what schools did nowadays). It seems much better to me. Not only do children not have to perform in front of all the other kids and parents which some of them will hate, they get a lot more time actively participating. Also more interesting for parents to watch!

Nope, still not the same as any other subjects. If you're shit at spelling no one really knows unless you enter a spelling bee or something.

If you're shit at running, everyone knows.

I'm guessing if you do park run you don't have dyspraxia.

Sports day really shouldn’t be optional but schools do need to think carefully about how they run it to avoid kids being unnecessarily distressed. Like other things in life, we all sometimes have to do things we’d rather avoid and teaching them that you can simply opt out isn’t preparing our children for the real world.

Our primary were one that quietly assessed the kids’ skills in advance and put them in appropriate groups on the day - the same way they’re put into sets for other subjects. They also did events like javelin with sponge javelins - if you were the unlucky one and the wind blew as you threw you had no chance - many kids javelins went backwards or sideways! Because the culture of the school was inclusive, everyone was able to laugh at that and even the most competitive kids would take it on the chin.

At secondary school, there one long distance range that they all have to join in with but it always ends up with those who want to racing each other but the majority of the kids having a walk and a natter with the PE teachers willing them all to run (no chance!).
For the rest of the day they can decide what they’d like to join in with and cheer in their friends and team mates for the rest.

My dc never liked being up on the stage in assemblies - in a room full of the whole school and parents. They always took part though and their teachers never gave them main speaking roles, it’s all about teachers knowing the kids and adapting things appropriately.

Pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones is important, otherwise our comfort zones shrink and we gradually become more limited.

Op, is this part of a bugger problem with the school? Are they not inclusive in other aspects of school life? You can make it clear to your dd that she doesn't need to win events to enjoy them? She can enjoy being outdoors, the change of routine and that you'll be proud of her for taking part, but if this is part of a bigger picture where the school isn’t strong at being inclusive perhaps it’s not the best place for her?

There are an awful lot of posters on here need to get a grip and hand their snowflake children a grip too.

Why is it always the people who use the term ‘snowflakes’ to describe children, are always the ones that think children should be punished to teach them resilience?

You’re unhappy in your life - we get it.
There’s no need to try and make children suffer just because you’re miserable.

Can you explain exactly how sports day helps children with resilience and how that impacts their adulthood?

At secondary school, there one long distance range that they all have to join in with but it always ends up with those who want to racing each other but the majority of the kids having a walk and a natter with the PE teachers willing them all to run (no chance!).

Only the athletic team, and similar, people joined in this one and that seems to be the case with DC today. I was a sprinter over short distance, and long jumper (competed in both at county level) and I'd join in but had no chance of winning. That was always the same two people for boys and girls.

Our school filmed it and we'd watch it back! People hated that more than the event.

I wouldn't join in with hurdles as I was rubbish at that (bruised legs testified) and I never did grow to like the sack race so wouldn't ever participate in that.

I hated sports day with a vengeance. I'm not a sporty person at all and usually came last in everything. It was humiliating and embarrassing. My own children were ok with it in primary school but loathed it in secondary. Neither of them ever attended a sports day at secondary school. I can remember the feeling of dread when sports day was looming,and they were the same ( I never told them of my experiences so as not to influence them). So they always had the day off. Their attendance was always good, as was their classwork and at the the ages of 24 and 19 I don't think it did them any harm.

At secondary school, there one long distance range that they all have to join in with but it always ends up with those who want to racing each other but the majority of the kids having a walk and a natter with the PE teachers willing them all to run (no chance!).
For the rest of the day they can decide what they’d like to join in with and cheer in their friends and team mates for the rest.

Hah, my daughter is not an athlete but she loves this long-distance run and actually volunteered for it at her sports day because apparently she is one of only 2 girls who didn't walk in the heats, so did well 😂

I'd keep her out of school that day.

I totally agree OP. The potential degree of humiliation involved far outweighs that of any academic comparison. The sheer physicality of sports day and the performative aspect makes it much more comparable to forcing shit singers to sing solo s on stage infront of the whole school and parents. How would the parents of the non talented singers feel about that?

@Clymene no I don’t. But I wouldn’t presume that someone with a disability or a long term condition wouldn’t be able to participant in sports. I see many people with disabilities and chronic illnesses at parkrun -both running/walking and volunteering (and other sports as well). Plus all shapes and sizes, ages and abilities.

My dyspraxic child was very resilient at sports day.
Resigned to coming last in any and every event.
The school let everyone choose which event to enter, I think there were two “serious” races, like relay and running, and two or three “fun” races, and you had to enter two.

Unfortunately having balance, spacial awareness and motor difficulties means you are likely to struggle with the egg and spoon or three legged race too. “Fun” races are still races.

Dc was always last, always kept smiling through the patronising encouragement of the spectators, and the fidgeting of the next group of children on the starting line, who had to wait an age for dc to eventually cross the finish line, but I don’t think they particularly enjoyed it or ever remotely got anything positive out of the day themselves - just more confirmation that sport was not for them.

Surely it would be much better if sports day was a proper celebration of sport - maybe some coaching sessions/tasters of more unusual sports, dance etc, and if the races were just a small part of it? That way everyone can take part but not everyone has to compete.

Just don’t send her 🤷‍♀️