To believe sports day should be optional?

[SafeHeaven]

Dd is starting to worry about sports day, she hates it every year and always comes last.

She hates all the parents watching her whilst she struggles with the sack etc and always has tears when everyone has finished and she still has a way to go.

Ive asked the school if sports day can be optional as it’s not worth the anxiety leading up to it and the humiliation of it. I’ve been told they have never been asked this before and they will need to discuss it with SLT.

Listening to the radio the other day, many people have bad memories of it.

AIBU to request sports day is optional?

If it was optional, I'm assuming there would be people still wishing to take part. It shouldn't take beating a group of individuals with lower abilities than you to make you feel good.

Surely if it's about feeling good, you want to me competing against those of the same or higher standard, to push yourself.

I'd rather win against actual competition, than a group who just didn't want to be there.

Can't she practice at home

I’ve never understood why so many schools have badly organised sports days.

In the years I worked in schools (over 15) I worked in over 20 schools (I was in an out different schools for learning support) and some got it spot on, others made it hyper competitive and had a lot of kids who hated it.

One of my favourite schools has a fabulous set up. Kids are put into houses to make sure there are a good split of sporty, competitive and non-sporty kids. Their points system also included points for most supportive team, and for kindness. So kids who weren’t racking up points in events were still invaluable to their team because of that side of things.

ultimately the sporting points won the prizes, but the other kids all felt like they’d contributed to their team even when they were last. It was a great way of having a competitive sports day to let the sporty kids shine, whilst encouraging kindness and team work and not making the non sporty kids feel shit

I am autistic. I was below average in some of my subjects, not so in more creative areas, but even more so in team sports. It was fucking demoralising being bullied for being the odd kid, even worse when that translates into sports days. Coming last. Having children laughing at me. Having their parents laughing along. By making it optional it would have compelled me not to be depressed and anxious around the build up to it every year. Not everyone who struggles academically, excels at sports or sporting events. No one is calling for a ban on a subject. No one has said ban PE. Just the forced involvement in a public sporting event.

I was academic in school, and bad at sports. I remember there was one girl in my class who was amazing at gymnastics/running/high jump etc, but not very academic. I remember thinking at sports-day that it was fair that she got a chance to shine (the same way I shone at tests in school).

I also needed glasses to see distance, but didn't wear them for sports (I didn't make the connection that they'd help), so was always picked last for rounders etc, so understand that humiliation.

Some posters' schools above have great ideas - to stream the kids, so they are competing against those of a similar standard. I also think kids should be able to choose what to compete in.

But in this case OP, I'd just take her out of school for the morning.

YANBU. Just don't send her - have an 'appointment' that morning. Public humiliation doesn't teach kids resilience - quite the opposite. It just reinforces the message that the activity in question isn't for them. Not really what you want when you consider the health and wellness benefits of sport and physical activity.

Maybe consider signing her up for a sport or active activity out of school to improve her skills and fitness, if you feel that's an issue. But she's not going to get anything out of being publicly trounced and I'm sure all the sporty kids will have just as good a time enjoying their success without your poor DD trailing up the rear, feeling humiliated and upset.

I really don't recognise the sports days most of you are describing!

DSs is an hour and half per year group so reception is 9am-10.30am, then yr 1 is 10.30-12 and so on.
Parents can only come for their child's time slot and while the other year groups are having their competitions, DS will be having a normalish day with a few more games thrown in.

Even when I was little it wasn't the die hard abusive competition people are describing on here so honestly I'm baffled!

So do some of you have to do a solo race in front of the whole school, teachers and parents?!

Probably depends on size if school. DD’s primary was 100 ish children age 3-11. Whole school on the field for the afternoon and all staff plus very well attended by parents and grandparents (they served refreshments as a fundraiser)
So yes everyone would watch the yr 2 running race and yr 3 would be stood waiting to set off etc. Same few children first/last each year.

Whilst I understand your point of view, for some non academic children this is their only chance to shine. My nephew is severely dyslexic and struggles to read at all but won a couple of medals at sports day. It would be a shame to deprive him of his only chance of success at school

That is why the OP said 'optional'

I doubt your nephew is made to stand in front of a school full of parents and children and made to read out out story in front of everyone.

I doubt your nephew is made to stand in front of a school full of parents and children and made to read out out story in front of everyone.

My good at sports ds with a speech impediment had to take part in a poetry competition in front of the whole school (also videoed for all the parents). He was terrified.

The school should be ashamed. Back in the dark ages my primary school knew how to do inclusive poetry performances- solo lines or twos and threes for those that liked performing, large chunks all together.

School sports and performance type things need to be appropriately designed to allow for all abilities, and/or be optional. Simply forcing everyone to perform is counterproductive.

I bet he was @Dinosauratemydaffodils

Very useful to have your perspective, and I'm sorry that happened to you. It should be required reading for anyone spouting the sporty kids deserve a chance to shine too nonsense.

Genuinely appalled at people saying they don't want it to be optional, because for them it was their only time to shine.

Just blatantly saying they want the pool of competitors to be crap so they can feel good about themselves and superior.

I had only good experiences of sports day, but some of the posts on here are making me think optional participation is the best way to go.

It's great for sporty kids to have a chance to shine. But they don't do so more brightly by contrasting them against kids who aren't sporty.

And people, in my experience, often already know who the sporty children are as this will have become apparent through PE lessons or mentions of achievements in the newsletter or assembly.

It's one thing participating as a middle aged fat bloke who has no fucks to give. It's quite another as an autistic teenager coming behind the five year olds.

And I'm sure volunteering is fun when you're a participant. But suggesting that watching your peers do something you're not capable of is rewarding is patronising as hell.

And @DjoChateaux

I too found it patronising, and preaching, @Clymene

Generations of us have suffered PE and sports days and we have an inactive and obese population. Not working is it? Resilient maybe but not inclined to put themselves through the indignity of exercise again. Which is a shame because if you can get past the narrow offering of competative sport there is so much fun physical activity out there.

Most of the sporty kids seem to be academically able as well so just more praise for the already lauded.

It has become apparent to me that often the sporty kids are the more popular, often following in their parents’ footsteps. Oftentimes they can be highly judgemental and cruel about other childrens’ attempts to join in on such occasions. They tend to be revered by others. ( parents and their kids alike) I’ve heard it myself at matches and sporting competitions. There’s no attempt made to understand that if you aren’t naturally athletic there is not much you can do. It’s like throwing the kids in with the lions and seeing the crowd roar. It’s truly awful at our school which is highly competitive in every way. I just tell my kids not to do it if they don’t want to. Teaching them to withstand humiliation just gives them another repressed issue to deal with when they get older. No thanks

I'm a teacher, and completely with you op. I think the very public aspect of sports day is the problem. Imagine the outcry if children were forced to answer maths questions in front of the whole school and all the parents? Or read a couple of paragraphs out loud to everyone, irrespective of their ability to do so. I doubt anyone would think it was the "taking part that counts."

The thing is that, whilst they rightly celebrate academic achievements, you don't suggest that attention is drawn to children who come last. The problem with sports day is that the non-sporty child struggling in last is visible to the entire school and hordes of parents as well. Surely sporty children could get their chance to shine without humiliating their peers?

My DD10 is anxious about sports day, she's not conventionally sporty (rides horses to a very good standard but of course that doesn't "count" at school) I've told her she can have the day off if she's not happy about it in the morning beforehand. Her dad doesn't agree but I don't care and will override him - as a previous poster said, hatred/bad experiences of PE can cause the same towards exercise in adulthood and that's certainly been the case for me, so I'm not going to force her 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

But they are not having their noses rubbed in it by coming last in a public literacy competition in front of the whole school and parents. Good teachers also find ways to praise the dyslexic child as well. Once my son's school recognised his dyslexia, they were brilliant with him and celebrated his achievements in all sorts of ways. Sending him out on the sports field wouldn't have helped him at all.