To feel completely TRAUMATISED by this hospital experience

[Needaholidayasap]

3 weeks ago I attended hospital for an endoscopy. I was prepared and completely unfazed at the thought of it. I opted for throat numbing spray but no sedation or drugs to knock me out; I thought I could handle it and that it would be over before I knew it. I’m usually fearless and calm. The team were happy with this and said lots of people go without sedation.

it was absolutely horrific. I was trying to follow their instructions and swallow and remember to breath, but as soon as the camera went down my throat I completely freaked out and became hysterical, including trying to grab the camera to remove it. They removed it and we took a break to help me calm down and they stressed the importance of not pulling it out.

We tried it again; I panicked but managed to swallow the camera, but as soon as tube and camera were in my stomach I freaked out again. I remember hysterically crying and begging them to take it out, and simultaneously wretching and heaving (but bringing nothing up) and having very painful burps. It felt like forever but it was probably only a couple of minutes! I was almost screaming for them to get it out of me (between my tears, heaves and burps!) and I couldn’t understand why they didn’t. I suppose by that point it was easier just to continue the examination and i understand they can’t just rip the camera straight out, but it was the most terrifying experience of my life. I’m not an anxious person and I rarely panic, and I knew I could breath and talk, but I felt like I was being choked to death and my brain sent me ballistic. I vaguely remember trying to pull out the camera out again but I presume they stopped me as I wasn’t able to.

After they took it out I was shaking, sobbing and my heart rate was 170ish. I remember feeling the room spin and having a rush of emotions- mainly terror and embarrassment. I understand why they couldn’t just take it straight out, but I will never, ever get over the horrible panicked feeling that I was being choked to death.

The endoscopy team were absolutely fantastic and I’m not in anyway criticising them. I don’t know why I reacted this way as I’m usually fearless and totally calm, but I feel mortified by it. Will I have been seen as a ‘’nightmare patient’’ by them? I hate causing any sort of difficulty or disturbance.

Also, is it normal to still be affected from it 3 weeks later? Obviously I’m not crying about it everyday, but it keeps popping into my head about how frightened I felt and I’ve had some nightmares too. An endoscopy is a routine procedure so is it abnormal for me to still feel so affected by it when it was 3 weeks ago? Does anyone have any advice for me to get over this?

Had one with sedation that I didn’t like and thought was horrible, so next time thought sedation wasn’t worth the bother - I found out sedation absolutely was worth the bother - the micro seconds I managed not to retch and calm a tad, were followed by the camera moving which just started it all over again.
Re cost cutting I had a womb biopsy without anything, but they told me I could have gas and air if it got too much, only then said no when I asked - honestly it seemed like some medieval torture. I insisted on a GA next time and the anaesthetist said commonly he saw women who couldn’t finish the procedure with no pain relief, it’s like they just give it a go and see if you’ll tolerate it. I understand GA has a risk but if they were a bit more free with other pain relief methods it might not come to that.
I tend to think the endoscopy was probably worse as feeling as if you are not able to breathe really kicks something off in you - horrific.
We do assume procedures nowadays will be relatively pain free - it’s an awful shock that actually they’re not so much.

On average takes 6 weeks to process a traumatic event.

I’m so sorry OP, my husband has to have these every year.
I’ve had them too but I must have been lucky. I even told my DH that it’s not that bad, it’s uncomfortable and not very pleasant, you’ll gag but it only takes a few minutes and it’s all over with!

I literally didn’t even think he’d have any issues but like you it was an awful experience for him and he was incredibly stressed during the things and the nurses were literally on top of him holding him down!

He has had to have two more since but after last time he was so upset that we begged his consultant to allow him to choose GA for the next ones as he can not cope with it anymore, the anxiety it causes him is unreal and as he needs to have them done it’s the only option now.

All I can suggest is try to let yourself heal, give yourself time to calm down, unpleasant experiences can stick with us for a while, maybe even speak to someone professional about it.

i am really sorry it was so awful for you, I empathise with you as I’ve seen how awful it was for my DH!

I had one without sedation and really regretted it. My experience wasn't as bad as yours, but I was retching most of the time - and it took a long time as they were taking loads of biopsies. I found it helped a little to use some labour techniques, e.g. backwards counting, and concentrating hard on visualising my favourite calm place. Afterwards I felt really quite shocked, almost as if I had been assaulted. When I had to have a repeat I asked for sedation, which improved it, but I was still retching and it was still uncomfortable, so I'm not sure whether they used enough sedative. I'm likely to have to have more, so I'm planning to ask about increasing the sedation.

I’m so sorry to hear this. I have had a similar experience and I now only ever have procedures like endoscopy and colonoscopy under general anaesthetic. You should be able to as well from now on. 👍

Poor you. I had a procedure done via endoscopy. I was sedated, but I have flash backs of gagging and fighting to get all of the equipment out of my throat!! They then tied my hands to the bed. It was a serious block of my bile duct, so they needed to do it. Horrible memories.

It’s nearly 15 years ago and I can still remember the terror and discomfort through the sedation.

Sorry you’re struggling. Totally understandable after what you went through.

I don't think they're dishonest, I think that to them it's quite routine and they see lots of patients who do cope or who disguise how bad it is so they don't realise. Perhaps they should all be made to go through an endoscopy and colonoscopy themselves without sedation before they take the job.

I had a similar reaction to an endoscopy - and that was under sedation. A few years later I had to have a bronchoscopy and was really worried I would panic and fight it again. I’m not sure what was different that time (although the Respiratory Consultant was known to me and much more reassuring), but I found it much easier.

I opted to have an endoscopy without sedation. I would never do this again. Ever.

It is up there with some of the most traumatic events of my life so far. They tried to pass the endoscope through my nose but it wouldn't fit, so they had to go down my throat. The numbing spray hadn't worked. It was truly horrendous.

I will need another one at some point to check whether my hiatus hernia has changed. Can't wait.

Nope you won’t be seen as the nightmare patient. I have them once a year and it’s the same thing every time as what you experienced. Except I opt for a twilight sedation and it’s still the same. My trust won’t knock anyone out fully for it which I think is actually cruel. I’ve refused to have any more till they offer it as I have nightmares for weeks after them . I have colonoscopys once a year too and would rather have 10 of them then an endoscopy,

Why on earth didn't you chose GA?
The thought of having to swallow a camera and a tube down your throat is enough to make me panic. And im a calm person.

I had an endoscopy and was sedated - I remember nothing about it but they told me at them afterwards that they had to stop sooner than they wanted as I withdrew my consent.

Mortified to imagine what I did whilst under sedation 😂

My friend had a similar experience to you. Try and put it behind you that it the throat numbing was simply not the better choice that day for you. My friend says she would have the sedation another time so that's what I would choose from her and now your experience too, so thank you for sharing it. I'm sorry it was so bad x

Not sure it can be classed as PTSD ,it's only been 3 weeks. It's a horrible experience,my dad has to have them and only did without sedation once,never again! Give it time, it takes a while to process traumatic events.

My husband had one last year without sedation (wanted to drive afterwards) and he said it was one of the worst experiences of his life… he didn’t think it would be that bad!

He said he would never have another without sedation although, he doesn’t know if he would even go for another (even though he is supposed to later this year). He is pretty ‘tough cookie’ too and it really affected him.

I’ve had this procedure several times always sedated. Even under sedation I still try to pull the camera out.
You’ve had a Trauma and that’s what your brain is trying to deal with.

How easy is it to get GA for these invasive procedures? Sedation sounds great for avoiding the post-procedure flashbacks the op is having, but if people are still battling their care team and getting rashes across their faces out of stress it would do nothing for pre-procedure anxiety. Sounds like you experience something very unpleasant for however long it takes. As someone who, unlike this poster, does suffer with anxiety these threads always make me very worried about the day I am referred for a colonoscopy or whatever. I have panicked my whole life about truly minor tests.

Re this experience, I was a bit surprised to hear op saying how great the team was. That given the reaction they didn’t press for sedation (unless op just hasn’t mentioned this). But more that when she struggled the second time nobody reassured her it was easier to keep going, it was nearly over, etc. Also, even if it takes longer to remove the camera at that point, do you have no say if you really want it out? Surely we have agency as patients? Sounds like her distress was ignored and I’m not surprised she would struggle with that.

I’ve had two, both with sedation and throat spray. The first was okay the second was horrific, I still feel traumatised and frightened. I don’t think they gave me enough sedation. This was years ago, I’ve said I would rather die than have another endoscopy. You have my deepest sympathy @Needaholidayasap .

My Father had the same and said it was so painful he was crying and the surgeon was apologising throughout the procedure. He was really shaken up afterwards by the whole event.

Oh you poor thing!
I am now in my 50s & had an endoscopy without sedation when I was in my early 20s & I can still remember how terrifying it was to this day.
I was gagging & retching & mortified about that & it HURT to swallow a tube that big.
I got through it but I was shaking &felt almost an out of body experience.
As soon as it was over & they were finished with me I dashed out of the treatment room.
My parents had come with me as it was in a city about 90 mins from home & i was only about 20 .
The consultant who had done it was actually v nice & before hand had tried to put me at ease. I remember him admiring my jacket & saying his daughter would love one like that.
Anyway I saw my mum in the waiting room & I felt v weird I had a huge instinct to flee - get away so started walking down a corridor v quickly with my mum flapping behind me asking all sorts of questions about it . As soon as I went to speak to her I opened my mouth & it was like a tsunami of emotion raged over me & I just broke down in huge racking heaves of tears. My mother got a total shock as I was not/ am not a crier

She sat me down on some seats in the corridor & was trying to find out what was wrong with me. I didn't have the words to express how traumatised I was or why I was so upset. The consultant happened to come down the corridor & saw me crying & I have to say he was really very kind. He was v understanding & said I'd gone into a shock like state & he did not like to think that he'd caused anyone to be upset. The canteen was close by & he brought us there & organise a cup of tea.
Even in my very upset state he registered as a kind person & that helped a lot

When the procedure was being recommended i was told you had to be awake because you actively had to swallow the camera & this was not possible/harder under GA. I was told I would be given something to relax me & throat numbed.

It took me a long time to get over It to be honest..My mother thought I'd just made big fuss yet I noted many years later she had to have one & opted for GA!

Ever since that event have a super fast gag reflex. It makes dental work tricky at times especially xrays.

I have NO tolerance for having anything in my mouth for longer than a couple of seconds. Even chewing gum makes me gag. I can chew it for about 10 seconds & then something in my brain flips & panics that i can't swallow it & can't get rid of it & gag

Same with my toothbrush/ toothpaste. I cannot let my mouth fill up. There's no way I could walk around the bathroom brushing my teeth. I lean over the sink and keep my mouth open and allow the suds to stream out.

I have to warn dentists that I have a strong gag reflex. And I have a very low tolerance for clamping those x-ray plates in my mouth. I invariably gag even as it's coming out

It took me a long time to figure out that there was a connection between these things & it all stems back to that one procedure

I would refuse another unless under full GA

That sounds horrific!
I had an extremely traumatic tooth extraction and I honestly was having flashbacks for a few weeks and genuinely panicked every time I remembered, but I did stop thinking about it eventually, it just took some time.

I believe a diagnosis of PTSD should not be made before a month has passed,

I had this done without sedation as there was no option for sedation and my experience was very similar to yours!

YANBU because these aren't things we can necessarily control.

I had to have an endoscopy and colonoscopy at the same time as an inpatient. I'd said very definately sedation please. I'm quite stoic but have issues with gag reflex and already in considerable internal and external pain, and struggle to lie on either hip.
Was ok stuck on the trolley watching people come out who weren't doing too well, as I knew sedation would mean i wasn't too aware.
They were running behind and tried to take me straight in and insist I had it without as 'it would delay them further' and 'wasn't necessary' and "you don't need it"
I was put under a lot of pressure by an insistent staff member and if I hadn't been so afraid would have obeyed. She only gave in after I showed her how easy my veins were to canulate, but went on about how ridiculous it was while I apologized.

They then tried to start before the throat spray or sedation had taken sufficient effect, and they and I discovered that it really was going to be a non starter for ten.

In the end I was well treated and looked after but only really after they saw what was causing so much pain, but the attempted short cut slowed them up further, and further reduced trust from patient who has to be a repeat visitor.

Like @AgapanthusLove I cannot hsve dentistry work done without wretching now. I had never connected the two before!