To feel completely TRAUMATISED by this hospital experience

[Needaholidayasap]

3 weeks ago I attended hospital for an endoscopy. I was prepared and completely unfazed at the thought of it. I opted for throat numbing spray but no sedation or drugs to knock me out; I thought I could handle it and that it would be over before I knew it. I’m usually fearless and calm. The team were happy with this and said lots of people go without sedation.

it was absolutely horrific. I was trying to follow their instructions and swallow and remember to breath, but as soon as the camera went down my throat I completely freaked out and became hysterical, including trying to grab the camera to remove it. They removed it and we took a break to help me calm down and they stressed the importance of not pulling it out.

We tried it again; I panicked but managed to swallow the camera, but as soon as tube and camera were in my stomach I freaked out again. I remember hysterically crying and begging them to take it out, and simultaneously wretching and heaving (but bringing nothing up) and having very painful burps. It felt like forever but it was probably only a couple of minutes! I was almost screaming for them to get it out of me (between my tears, heaves and burps!) and I couldn’t understand why they didn’t. I suppose by that point it was easier just to continue the examination and i understand they can’t just rip the camera straight out, but it was the most terrifying experience of my life. I’m not an anxious person and I rarely panic, and I knew I could breath and talk, but I felt like I was being choked to death and my brain sent me ballistic. I vaguely remember trying to pull out the camera out again but I presume they stopped me as I wasn’t able to.

After they took it out I was shaking, sobbing and my heart rate was 170ish. I remember feeling the room spin and having a rush of emotions- mainly terror and embarrassment. I understand why they couldn’t just take it straight out, but I will never, ever get over the horrible panicked feeling that I was being choked to death.

The endoscopy team were absolutely fantastic and I’m not in anyway criticising them. I don’t know why I reacted this way as I’m usually fearless and totally calm, but I feel mortified by it. Will I have been seen as a ‘’nightmare patient’’ by them? I hate causing any sort of difficulty or disturbance.

Also, is it normal to still be affected from it 3 weeks later? Obviously I’m not crying about it everyday, but it keeps popping into my head about how frightened I felt and I’ve had some nightmares too. An endoscopy is a routine procedure so is it abnormal for me to still feel so affected by it when it was 3 weeks ago? Does anyone have any advice for me to get over this?

My (now deceased) husband was epileptic, and had several operations for various things under GA. No-one ever told him he couldn't, and he had no problems. Ask your consultant-GP's don't know everything.

God, that sounds like a horrendous experience, I feel agitated just reading about it!

I guarantee they will have dealt with reactions like yours more often than not, and I bet you're nowhere near the worst.

If anyone wants to put an implement down my throat and into my stomach with me awake, they will have to kill me first, or at the very least, anaesthetise me.

You poor thing, OP. I freak out when the dentist puts the saliva sucker towards the back of my throat. It’s an instinct. And like you, I’m usually absolutely nails 💪🏼 😀

That may have been your experience but I have had about 6 of these procedures in 3 different hospitals and each time I remember nothing until I wake up in recovery. They use midazolam which is like a memory drug on you too @SedationQ. I also had an angiogram as well - aware of nothing and remember nothing.

You never know how you will react. Don't beat yourself up about it. The nurse that stands behind you with your head in a vice like grip has seen it all before. As for carrying on, they make an informed decision based on hundreds of previous patients. If they can they will.

I am OK with it. I did my usual relaxation breathing, nodded and they got on with it, no problem. I wouldn't rely on always being OK with it, but wouldn't be scared to do it again without GA.

DH can't do it. He has to have the GA. Once with the spray and he wrecked himself trying to get away. If you can't you can't. Simple as that!

They really should have encouraged you to have the sedation and explained that whilst your brain might tell you its brave and fearless NOW... it will tell you something else later...

I had one without sedation - it was a horrific, much as you describe and I really really wish I had pushed for them to redo the sedation, Id had it.. but the nurse had blown a vein and it hadn't actually gone anywhere but the back of my hand.

By that point though i suspect they were running late and pushed me not to do that and said id be ok which I knew damn well I wouldn't be... they sent me home with my heart rate still sky high and I had to go to hospital and be seen there later as it didn't drop for hours!

In the UK you are not offered a GA. Its considered to be an unnecessary risk. The patient is given Diazemoles or similar, a tranquiliser...that allows for the procedure to go ahead without a hitch. I worked in the Endoscopy suite for a year....and can understand absolutely the feeling described of panic. Some people are fine with just a throat numbing spray....personally I would take anything they give me not to be aware!

Really feel for you, OP and the thought of having an endoscopy procedure fills me with dread even though I’ve had many colonoscopies, due to having Crohn’s disease.

I noticed on my second colonoscopy that I was far more uncomfortable and reading my notes I noticed they’d given me less sedation than the first time, so from that moment on I always ask for as much sedation as possible. Still, the prep beforehand is always far worse than the procedure itself.

Going back to endoscopies, a friend of mine was ‘encouraged’ to have the procedure without sedation, she was traumatised like you, OP.

I gag at the merest hint of a throat Covid test so I don’t think I could actually go ahead with an endoscopy, it sounds bloody awful and traumatic and I’d prefer to pass on that. I’m just thankful I haven’t had to go through the experience thus far!

Oh bless you OP. That sounds awful. It sounds like it was just a stressful situation and toue body reacting to unpleasant and unnatural sensations, maybe due to the stress of going through a medical procedure and worrying what they may find.
Can you speak to your GP about how unsettled you are still feeling. Maybe they can refer you to a counsellor to help you deal with the experience.

Don't worry, I am sure this happens everyday in their clinic. They wouldn't have seen you as being difficult. Definitely have more sedation next time and practice breathing exercises.

Your reaction sounds perfectly within the normal range to me! I've had one under sedation, which was fine, but only fine because I was sedated. In terms of dealing with the feelings now, I guess just give yourself permission to feel traumatised because it is a really traumatic procedure. Also reassure yourself that you are fine now, and that even though it felt dreadful, you were safe at the time as well. Hugs.

My sympathy OP - they are tough. My Dad was one of the calmest and most unpanicked people I know. But he really hated this procedure. He couldn't swallow it properly so he asked them to stop trying and went back later for GA. He also said he felt he was choking. I think with this sort of feeling it's totally understandable that it comes back to you every so often. I hope it decreases with time.

I have a narrow throat so always have sedation. I cannot imagine how Drs think it is ok to do an endoscopy without it. Similarly a colonoscopy. The Hospital I attend every 3 years for one, following colon cancer 25 years ago, suddenly stopped offering sedation. It was a horrible experience and after a very short time sedation was back on the menu as so many patients were traumatised and complained. A really awful cost-cutting exercise.

I’ve had it done twice with just numbing spray first time was horrific exactly how you described. Second time I thought I would be ok as I knew what was coming but no !!! I ended up hiding under the bed as my mind just fried !! Never again without being knocked out

I had it done without sedation, I chose that as my blood pressure was so low that it could have been dangerous.

My issue with it was they did the procedure with an ng tube in place. When they pulled whatever the thing is that takes the sample from your stomach or lower down back up, it pulled the ng tube up with it into my mouth where it all coiled up, I could not say anything so I was laying there hoping I wasn't going to die/it wasn't going to go into my lungs. At some point someone realised and started screaming 'where's the NG tube, where's the NG tube' and I managed to open my mouth and the coiled up tube burst out of my mouth. It really fucking hurt/pulled on my nose severely.

I'm still glad I didn't have sedation because a few days later they actually coudln't get my blood pressure, it crashed overnight and they couldn't get a reading. So God only knows what midazolam or whatever they use would have done to it.

It is a really unpleasant procedure and the worst bit is not being able to breathe.

I sort of wonder if it would be better without the throat numbing spray as that seemed to cause the not being able to breathe sensation. I would have rather have throat pain but of course I don't know how severe it would have been.

I'm sorry you went through this. For some reason it didn't traumatise me at all but we are all different and other things have affected me that you would probably brush off.

Full sedation every time. So much easier for doctor and patient. I don't understand why it isn't more strongly recommended.
We think that we should be brave but that is really not helpful when drugs are easily available and safe.
So sorry you had such a horrible experience.

Well not full sedation.

I really feel for you. I had a couple of endoscopies and other invasive procedures a few years ago to investigate a digestive problem and it was pretty traumatic. I opted for sedation for as much of it as I could after the first couple of times. I couldn’t fault the staff at all, they did their best to try and reduce the discomfort and help me cope with it but it was all really distressing.

How are you feeling now, OP? It's such an unnatural thing that such a reaction is totally understandable.

I did it without sedation a couple of years back (didn't like the idea of being out of control/potential risks associated with the drug). The appointment was quite late in the day and I'm still pissed that my DH drove me home, sat for a few moments and then said: so what's for dinner then? 😅

Yes, bloody stupid thing to say. Being a woman is totally irrelevant for a start and just because this poster probably doesn’t need sedation/anaesthetic even when having a major surgery (that’s for wimps) everyone should just do what they are comfortable with. I have GAs, I’m not given a medal nor am I derided for it.

Endoscopys are horrendous. My partner's had two, the first with sedation, the second he didn't have anyone to go to the hospital with him so wasn't able to be sedated. He always say never ever had one without sedation. He's has a colonoscopy too and says it's nothing in comparison to the endoscopy

I just had one two days ago and even with sedation I don’t think I could be persuaded to go through that again. The throat spray is useless. They offered to try again straight away with sedation but at this point I was so traumatised by three people telling me to open my mouth while the camera was already down my throat. I feel exactly like you embarrassed and traumatised. I can’t get the image out off my head, hopefully I will in time. You are perfectly justified in how you felt and feel

I think you should tell your friend to read this thread pronto!

Zombie thread but I can see why you wanted to share that @kjago12. There is a good chance your brain will process it over the next days and weeks, and you will be able to "put it to bed". Keep talking about it, it'll help.

Bless you that sounds horrendous! My son had one at 16 and was under general. I'm not surprised your still traumatised