To feel completely TRAUMATISED by this hospital experience

[Needaholidayasap]

3 weeks ago I attended hospital for an endoscopy. I was prepared and completely unfazed at the thought of it. I opted for throat numbing spray but no sedation or drugs to knock me out; I thought I could handle it and that it would be over before I knew it. I’m usually fearless and calm. The team were happy with this and said lots of people go without sedation.

it was absolutely horrific. I was trying to follow their instructions and swallow and remember to breath, but as soon as the camera went down my throat I completely freaked out and became hysterical, including trying to grab the camera to remove it. They removed it and we took a break to help me calm down and they stressed the importance of not pulling it out.

We tried it again; I panicked but managed to swallow the camera, but as soon as tube and camera were in my stomach I freaked out again. I remember hysterically crying and begging them to take it out, and simultaneously wretching and heaving (but bringing nothing up) and having very painful burps. It felt like forever but it was probably only a couple of minutes! I was almost screaming for them to get it out of me (between my tears, heaves and burps!) and I couldn’t understand why they didn’t. I suppose by that point it was easier just to continue the examination and i understand they can’t just rip the camera straight out, but it was the most terrifying experience of my life. I’m not an anxious person and I rarely panic, and I knew I could breath and talk, but I felt like I was being choked to death and my brain sent me ballistic. I vaguely remember trying to pull out the camera out again but I presume they stopped me as I wasn’t able to.

After they took it out I was shaking, sobbing and my heart rate was 170ish. I remember feeling the room spin and having a rush of emotions- mainly terror and embarrassment. I understand why they couldn’t just take it straight out, but I will never, ever get over the horrible panicked feeling that I was being choked to death.

The endoscopy team were absolutely fantastic and I’m not in anyway criticising them. I don’t know why I reacted this way as I’m usually fearless and totally calm, but I feel mortified by it. Will I have been seen as a ‘’nightmare patient’’ by them? I hate causing any sort of difficulty or disturbance.

Also, is it normal to still be affected from it 3 weeks later? Obviously I’m not crying about it everyday, but it keeps popping into my head about how frightened I felt and I’ve had some nightmares too. An endoscopy is a routine procedure so is it abnormal for me to still feel so affected by it when it was 3 weeks ago? Does anyone have any advice for me to get over this?

I had mine without sedation because of my extreme fear of needles.

It wasn’t pleasant but I was fine, really concentrated on breathing.

for the colonoscopy I had sedation but I had to take a Valium before to calm me down for the needle part…

@jusdepamplemousse

"Consultant talked me through options of spray, sedation, GA. Told me that to opt for spray would be madness. It is not a reasonable proposition for 99% of the population."

I don't know anyone who opted for sedation. I include vulnerable elderly residents in the care homes I've worked in. My elderly relatives and people of all other ages, including myself. We were all offered it on the NHS. To say that it isn't a reasonable proposition for 99% is ridiculous.

I've never had one but this is probably the medical procedure I fear the most. Two friends have had it and both found it really difficult (although my mum found it ok and she was really nervous before so I guess everyone is different).

I'm generally calm regarding medical procedures but I found MRI of my head really hard, so claustrophobic. In general once I've done something I've been dreading I think 'that wasn't so bad' but unfortunately with the MRI it was much worse than I expected. The fear I felt hasn't left me (years on).

You can have PTSD very quickly after a bad experience. It's true that it won't get diagnosed until later, that's a flaw in diagnosis because doctors are not yet to separate out those of us who have it with those experiencing a similar natural adverse reaction to a bad event which in their cases will decrease with time. That's a diagnostic problem, not evidence that PTSD doesn't exist until it becomes diagnosable some time later. Someone having symptoms close to the even might be in either group. Though my own experience does suggest that in severe cases there ought not to be a problem dividing them up- the symptoms of severe PTSD include things you'd not expect too see in a normal 'bad reaction' to an event- some of them definitely a bit strange, and which ought to be picked up by a competent Dr.

Yeah my partner had one without sedation (bleed him he knew I had to get back to work - I'd have told him to stop being a silly git if in the room but had to wait outside).

He said it was hideous as well and he's the most stoic person I know!

I never have sedation. I just want to get it done and get home.
I have 3 yearly endoscopies. The first time I freaked out but then settled into it. Now I know what to expect it's just a case of mind over matter.
It would have helped the first time if I'd known that they blow air into your stomach as they are doing it and if I'd have been told it's normal to burp etc.

Just as a bit of balance... I had one with just spray and while it wasn't the nicest experience of my life I would do it again.

I didn't feel the swallowing bit at all.. I did heave and gag a LOT but they helped me with that with breathing techniques they did with me. It was over really quickly.

I was embarrassed by my elephant sounding belching more than anything!

My husband had the same thing happen. They gave him 20mg of midazolam, which is a fair whack, and he still fought so much that he chipped a front tooth on the camera/cable (not sure which)

That's not how it worked for me at all. I just got some leaflets and was asked on booking in which option I preferred.
There's a lot of research that it is well tolerated by many/most people without sedation. In the USA there's an argument that using sedation is just about bumping up insurance costs unnecessarily.
I was really glad I had the choice to opt out of sedation. It's much more convenient.

Op, I had a similar response to an MR scan - claustrophobia kicked in. Took me weeks to feel better but now I do. Next time I will ask for something to chill me out, if sedation is not a thing for MR scans. I would imagine your memories will fade. I'm sure they see this all the time. As I understand it, it's the same with sedated patients but they just don't remember anything afterwards.

OP, they aren't going to be judging you, but I say kindly, you do need to let it go and move on. Try some mindful thinking, so every time you start to think about the procedure, think about something else, ground yourself in the moment you are in then and make that moment further and further away from you.

You had a natural reaction to something being forced down your throat, and it won't be anything that they haven't seen before.

I had one a couple of months ago, and the nurse tried to persuade me to have it without the sedation, I suppose it costs less and I am out the door quicker, but although I ummed and ahhed about it, I said no, I want the sedation. I have a sensitive gag reflex and anxiety, and don't deal well with the dentist when they have to put a mouth guard in, so knew that I wouldn't deal with the endoscopy with the sedation.

I am glad I did, because once they sprayed my throat I felt like I couldn't breath which was horrible, they started the procedure and I don't remember anything about it after they fitted the mouth guard, other than when they took the tube back out.

Ignore the nasty comments on here, some people can't understand how others might feel/react differently to how they would.

Maybe I’m old school, but I just womaned up and got on with it

1. My issue being investigated was having trouble swallowing. If a piece of delicious salmon, or some water is an issue, then it's not unreasonable to imagine that a plastic tube may be more problematic.
2. It's called a reflex for a reason. I could no more "woman up" to stop what I was doing than if the doctor hit my knee and my leg kicks out.

Jeez, some people.

Might be best to go get some counselling to manage your PTSD.

It's pretty irresponsible to tell someone that they have a mental illness when you have no idea if that's actually the case!
Even a psychiatrist wouldn't be able to confidently diagnose PTSD based on a brief post on Mumsnet. Being upset because something horrible has happened to you does not automatically mean you have PTSD. For something to be classified as a disorder it needs to not only be causing significant distress but it also needs to be interfering with your day to day functioning. If that is the case then OP needs a proper Mental Health assessments a qualified professional, not armchair diagnosis by Internet randoms.

I had one earlier this yr. I absolutely refused to have it done without GA. They obviously tried to convince me but I was having none of it. I had to wait longer for the appt but that was fine.

The year before I'd had a camera up my nose and down my thrust, conscious and with only a bit of spray and that was bad enough so I knew full well I wouldn't be able to cope with a full endoscopy.

I'm so sorry you had an awful experience but just think, if you ever have one again you can have a GA and do NOT let them fob you off.

It’s not pleasant but it’s doable. Talking it out is a bit crap too but sure you get on with it and move on. This reaction seems extreme to say the least.

You’re absolutely correct, it was extreme, which is why I was so terrified as I had 0 control over how freaked out I was.

I’m going to listen to the 100+ other people reassuring me my reaction was normal and ignore unhelpful comments like yours.

I had an endoscopy and the staff tried to convince me that hardly anyone ever wanted the sedation and were fine with the numbing spray. The doctor said it was highly unusual but gave in and let me have it. In the recovery area afterwards I was sitting with a few other women who'd had the procedure with just the spray and they were saying it was awful and wish they'd gone for the sedation. I barely remembered anything about it and it had lasted for 10 minutes. When they took the camera out i actually asked why they had taken it straight back out again because my last memory was of it going into my mouth. I'm emetophobic which is why I didn't give in to just having the spray (normally I do give in because i don't like to be an inconvenience) but I just knew there was no way I'd get through it without it! So sorry for you OP. It genuinely does sound so traumatic. Just allow yourself to have these feelings. It was a trauma to your body that your mind is now going to need to process. Maybe mindfulness will help with this and in time it will fade.

I did this with sedation and still can't think of it without shuddering.

Worst thing was they didn't find anything. Looked like the ulcer they were investigating had healed. Do I could have avoided it

You have experienced trauma and it will take a while to get over it.

Hope they didn't find anything either.

Xxx

OP, just wanted to say that your reaction was quite normal. I haven't read all replies but seems everyone is different.

My daughter had the same thing last year, and I was invited in while she had it done. She had the throat spray AND sedation and did exactly the same as you have described. It was horrific for me to watch, she was literally fighting to get the thing out of her throat. They stopped, gave her more sedation, the absolute max they could give and then tried again once she was calm.
Exact same thing happened again. It was like she wasn't sedated at all. I can honestly say it was the worst thing I have witnessed with my DC, as I felt so helpless, the staff had to hold her down and she looked terrified and was trying to scream. But they didn't seem at all fazed by it and the doctor was talking very calmly to her the whole time.

Afterwards, she came round properly from the sedation and thank god, she couldn't remember a thing about it. But I did think at the time, that she was going to be forever traumatised by that. Its certainly something I'll never forget and I wasn't even having it done.

Thought I would comment as I’m an endo nurse - yes it can be traumatic, especially for people having it for the first time! Take the sedation if offered and also enquire about the possibility of Naso-endoscopy where it goes up your nose and by-passes your gag reflux. I’ve had patients tell me it’s just like being waterboarded! My DH had to have one and he actually came out shaking and crying as he found it so horrific - poor lamb of having to go for another soon but he couldn’t believe how “barbaric” it was! Hope you feel better soon 💕

I understand how you feel. I had one around 2 months ago and it was horrific. I felt like my throat was closing up, I couldn't breathe properly and I went into a total panic and also tried to pull the camera out whilst begging them to stop. I'm 35 and I had a nurse stroking my head telling me how well I done.. its like I suddenly went back to being a child. I felt like you, felt embarrassed. I would never get another one without sedation. When you find yourself thinking about it take some deep breathes and do something relaxing or something you enjoy. Distract yourself and in time you will move on from this awful experience. Also I think these reactions are quite common, the nurse told me most people find It awful.

When I was reading about sedation it seemed like that is how it worked ... a lot of people still freaked out but just didn't remember it afterwards. I guess that would avoid op's issue now - no traumatic memories.

I had a similar experience years ago. It took me a lot longer than 3 weeks to get over it.
After first attempt I accepted sedation and throat camera was done. Then they had to do the anal camera and all I remember is searing pain, screaming ( me) and a doctor saying get this damned woman out of here.
Taken to award while sedation wore off, which it did very quickly. There was then an incident involving another patient’s privacy and dignity not being respected, me moving from the area and being told off like a child. I pointed out the privacy rules being broken and was out in a wheelchair ( I’d consented to a scan) and wheeled into a corridor where the possibility of my being pregnant (0% I stated) was asked loudly several times, in a busy corridor. I’m sure it was done to humiliate me as I’d pointed out the rules they’d broken. I complained in writing and got the usual nonsense about shortage of space, no private rooms available therefore questioning me in a corridor. And couldn’t comment on another patient of course.
i will never return to that hospital , even at death’s door.

Sorry you had such a shit experience and excuse my rant. I’m as angry for that poor man in the nearby bed as I was for myself.

Can I add Ive had the throat camera twice since. Each time with mild sedation. No discomfort, no stress, no after effects. Staff were fantastic both times.

It ended up that I had to have to have two procedures because I wasn't given adequate sedation in the first place. This is an example of the NHS wasting money when they purport to be saving money. If they had just given me the proper drugs the first time round I'd only have to have it done once.

@Ponoka7 cool. I’m sure the consultant wasn’t claiming to be statistically completely accurate with the 99% figure but I guess his gist was for the vast majority of folk sedation would be a much better plan and it’s a pretty grim procedure. So I followed the advice of the chap who has been doing this for a living for 25 odd years. Seemed reasonable to me.

The comment about bumping insurance costs without clinical need…I don’t know. Maybe? In some cases? Definitely not all. But I guess the other side of that coin is the NHS cutting costs at the expense of patients’ unnecessary suffering. A GA and associated anaesthetist and recovery costs is pretty expensive yes, a bit of midazolam and fentanyl and a bed for 90 minutes after with a nurse keeping an eye, in a ward with others…not so much.