To feel completely TRAUMATISED by this hospital experience

[Needaholidayasap]

3 weeks ago I attended hospital for an endoscopy. I was prepared and completely unfazed at the thought of it. I opted for throat numbing spray but no sedation or drugs to knock me out; I thought I could handle it and that it would be over before I knew it. I’m usually fearless and calm. The team were happy with this and said lots of people go without sedation.

it was absolutely horrific. I was trying to follow their instructions and swallow and remember to breath, but as soon as the camera went down my throat I completely freaked out and became hysterical, including trying to grab the camera to remove it. They removed it and we took a break to help me calm down and they stressed the importance of not pulling it out.

We tried it again; I panicked but managed to swallow the camera, but as soon as tube and camera were in my stomach I freaked out again. I remember hysterically crying and begging them to take it out, and simultaneously wretching and heaving (but bringing nothing up) and having very painful burps. It felt like forever but it was probably only a couple of minutes! I was almost screaming for them to get it out of me (between my tears, heaves and burps!) and I couldn’t understand why they didn’t. I suppose by that point it was easier just to continue the examination and i understand they can’t just rip the camera straight out, but it was the most terrifying experience of my life. I’m not an anxious person and I rarely panic, and I knew I could breath and talk, but I felt like I was being choked to death and my brain sent me ballistic. I vaguely remember trying to pull out the camera out again but I presume they stopped me as I wasn’t able to.

After they took it out I was shaking, sobbing and my heart rate was 170ish. I remember feeling the room spin and having a rush of emotions- mainly terror and embarrassment. I understand why they couldn’t just take it straight out, but I will never, ever get over the horrible panicked feeling that I was being choked to death.

The endoscopy team were absolutely fantastic and I’m not in anyway criticising them. I don’t know why I reacted this way as I’m usually fearless and totally calm, but I feel mortified by it. Will I have been seen as a ‘’nightmare patient’’ by them? I hate causing any sort of difficulty or disturbance.

Also, is it normal to still be affected from it 3 weeks later? Obviously I’m not crying about it everyday, but it keeps popping into my head about how frightened I felt and I’ve had some nightmares too. An endoscopy is a routine procedure so is it abnormal for me to still feel so affected by it when it was 3 weeks ago? Does anyone have any advice for me to get over this?

I think the NHS can be a bit stingy with the sedation even when you opt for it (if you go on forums with veterans of these procedures). At least they didn't make that mistake with me the second time.

In my case its because I am a control freak the sedation isnt the sleep making sort, it'd more like rohypnol, so it doesn't stop you feeling afraid, just that you can't remember it afterwards. The thought of that really bothers me more than the actual endoscopy although it is really unpleasant- I am always worried I'll vomit then start choking.

Those saying that it’s ‘barbaric’ to not have sedation and implying it’s some sort of cost cutting and cultural bravado are completely missing the mark. The offer it without sedation as if you can tolerate it with just the throat spray as many people can then the risk of complication is much lower. Obviously that’s not OPs experience and didn’t work for them but when I had mine it was perfectly fine with throat spray. This is why somebody sits and discusses the options with you and you a choice beforehand. The choice is completely the patients, if you want sedation then say so. Why do people love to make out that healthcare staff are some kind of penny counting sadists, by and large the staff on the ground don’t care about cost saving that’s for the policy makers to consider.

I’m sorry you had such an awful experience OP, I hope you’re feeling better soon and the results of your endoscopy help move your treatment forward.

I had it done several years ago, without sedation because I needed to drive home afterwards. It was like being probed by aliens! Very unpleasant, just thinking about it makes me feel sick. It’s a bit odd to still be thinking about it months afterwards though.

They abandoned mine halfway through and sedated me instead, otherwise it just wasn’t happening!

I also had throat spray only, mainly because I turned up at the hospital alone and they said oh you won’t be able to have sedation then. No one had explained any of it to me in advance. It was a very intense experience and yes I still thought about it for a long time, it was so much more invasive than I had expected. They took samples from my stomach lining and I can still feel the sensation of it if I stop and think about it. Awful!

I have had a gastroscopy recently and I had the sedation - I don’t think I would manage without so well done for tolerating it at all! Even with sedation I vaguely remember choking and gagging as it’s such an unnatural feeling and I clearly didn’t tolerate it very well as I broke out in an awful bright red rash all over my face. When I used Dr Google it said people get that after extreme stress so clearly these procedures can have a really nasty physiological effect. I would imagine something which pretty much makes you feel like choking/dying would give you PTSD symptoms so maybe you could chat to the GP about it? There’s definitely nothing to be embarrassed about - I bet a LOT of people are the same if not worse.

Your body had a natural reaction to a totally unnatural situation that it perceived as a threat (and with good reason... evolution did not equip us to deal with things being inserted into our throats that weren't going to kill us). Nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of.

Not the same symptoms obviously but I had a similar absolutely awful experience with a hysteroscopy

I usually sail through any medical procedures, smears etc so thought I could handle it. I was very wrong, it was the worst experience of my life.

@AnyFucker - sorry to hear that. I had one and was warned beforehand to take painkillers prior to it.

Single parent, school run after, absolutely no childcare.

Sedation/GA should be offered as standard here, but I have noticed that here its always presented like a choice and most often you feel pressured into not having it. I went to my home country to have my endoscopy and hysteroscopy. In fact my gynecologist Said it's actually barbaric to expect a women to be awake for such a procedure and I completely agree.

My mum had a similar experience. Total tough cookie. Had dad with her so could have had sedation but thought been through allsorts crack on. Never again she said!

I read this and thought I don’t remember posting about it! I had this done about 2 months ago and it took me 3 weeks to be able to distract myself from it. I was told to have sedation by my dh, but didn’t due to the 24hr period that you can’t drive. I was really down for the following week, just couldn’t shake the trauma off. It does get easier and you will move past it - just be kind to yourself and allow yourself to basically grieve.
I don’t think people realise how traumatic this procedure is.

Can you book an appointment with a hypnotherapist or someone who specialises in EMDR or the rewind technique. That should help you deal with the trauma of having this procedure. I don't know why the NHS downplays how unpleasant many people find these procedures. I had similar with a flexible sigmoidoscopy (a bit like a colonoscopy). They said it might feel a bit uncomfortable in the info, whereas I found extremely painful.

For those who might not find these things that bad, they don't know how someone else experiences pain/invasive equipment. Everyone's physiology is different.

It's an awful thing to go through.
My dd who is 35 has chrones disease has had about 16 colonoscopies
The last one was so painful that they have decided to give her a general anaesthetic next time.
I feel deeply sorry for anyone who has go go through these investigations

I’ve had eight endoscopies and have to have them on a regular basis. I only remember a couple of them as I ask for a lot of sedation. Why put yourself through being awake for it all when there’s another option? I don’t dread them at all now - maybe the staff I’ve encountered are just particularly kind.

This is why I always recommend sedation OP because I know how awful it is. My sister insisted on no sedation against my advice and regretted it.

I had a heart procedure once which involved sticking wires up through my groin into my heart. They offered me sedation but said it wasn't necessary as it wouldn't hurt, so I didn't take it. In fact the procedure was frightening and very painful at points and I really wished I'd said yes to sedation.

Why can't doctors be more honest with us?

They don’t tell you beforehand how awful and traumatic it is though. They just say we can either sedate you or just spray your throat which means you can go straight home with no chaperone. So obviously you opt for the spray and you don’t realise how horrific it is until it’s too late.

My dad had this done without sedation and he’s a very hardened, pretty fearless, been through lots in his life type of man including major surgery and cancer treatments and he felt the same as you. He said he was the worst thing he’d experienced, the sensation of choking was overwhelming, and said he would never do it again without sedation.

I find it strange they allow patients to have it done this way. They told my dad afterwards he coped really well, it’s a horrible procedure and most patients struggle with it.

I hope the memory fades quickly for you.

I’ve just had an endoscopy and there was no suggestion that this could be done without sedation.
The throat numbing spray was used too.
i wonder if this is different trusts choosing differing priorities with their budgets.

It sounds really distressing, traumatic yes. Not that I think people need to validate their trauma, it was traumatic for you that's what matters. I have found a lot of doctors tend to underestimate the pain of procedures. I had one but under GA, they didn't offer it any other option, but that might be because I had a colonoscopy at the same time too. While I've come across some medical professionals who really shouldn't be practicing, the majority of the ones I've dealt with genuinely care for their patients and would have really felt for you and not judged you. The person that should be kicking thenselves is the one who blithely told you it was easy and not painful.

That was written on my report too! I have very little memory of my endoscopy as I was so ill (other than firmly stating "I AM NOT A NAPKIN" as I was lifted onto the bed using a sheet, for some unknown reason), but I had G&A sedation and it couldn't have done much.

Yanbu . I had an endo (and colonoscopy) and they said to take all the drugs.
I'd complain tbh.