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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many of you are actually happily married

259 replies

Strugglingtocopewithmarriage · 26/06/2022 20:36

Meaning you genuinely like your partner, would marry then again given the chance, enjoy spending time with them...

OP posts:
PassThePringles · 26/06/2022 23:08

Together for just over 10 years, he's raised my dc since they were toddlers. Not married but engaged about 6 year... Never felt the need to push for the wedding, we bought a house etc instead but I'd marry him as much today as I would have when I said yes at his proposal. I'd choose him again and again so long as he keeps being supportive and loving towards us. It is abit boring sometimes though, but boring is better than drama and we're starting to have more weekends away together and as a family.

NotMushroomInEre · 26/06/2022 23:12

We are 22 years in, not married, and I don't think we will, but I could not imagine continuing my life without him. We've had our ups and downs, and still love a good disagreement, but it's healthy disagreement.

Bumpsadaisie · 26/06/2022 23:15

Me. He's my BF.

JanisMoplin · 26/06/2022 23:17

After reading your second post, I don't think this thread is helping you at all, OP, and you should start another one explaining your particular situation.

Musicalmaestro · 26/06/2022 23:19

Strugglingtocopewithmarriage

I definitely struggled with marriage in the early days especially with a young baby. However 20 years on we are still together, and are a good team. We laugh together, and support each other through the hard times too.

YellowSticker · 26/06/2022 23:20

Yes. He’s my best friend.
He's everything I want. Love him.

RaspberryParfait · 26/06/2022 23:22

It fluctuates day to day depending on whether it’s a full moon (according to him), or whether he’s just been a twat. In general, after almost 30 years together, I wouldn’t have wanted to be with anyone else and don’t want to be with anyone else.

We’ve had a lot of issues in our marriage - cultural (his is very sexist and old fashioned, had to disabuse him from the notion that having a penis precludes him from doing housework and childcare), family (both of ours very dysfunctional), mental health (mine, from childhood abuse and trauma which hit me like a truck in my early 40’s), 4 live DC (twins, including one with a disability and associated behaviour issues which has been very hard to cope with) plus the very traumatic neonatal death of our 2nd DD, bad luck and financial catastrophe leading to losing our home and standard of living we worked hard to build up, and some really turbulent times where things have got too much and we’ve taken it out on each other but we’ve got through it, could always have a laugh together and great sex! Still really attracted to him and no one else has ever come close.

von1471 · 26/06/2022 23:43

43 years later and he’s still my favourite person.

SilverTreeSun · 26/06/2022 23:44

Christ no. Most days I don’t even like him 😂 22 years together. We’re wealthy, both have great careers, we have a beautiful home and 3 lovely happy DC.

We also have zero intimacy (his choice, untreated ED and he literally opted out of sex about 10 years ago). It means we don’t have an emotional connection or bond. He’s a good father and hands on around the house. It’s like living with a cousin though. Shared history, but a bit removed.

Sadly I don’t have any family of my own. I like to think if I had parents or a sibling, I’d have a warm welcoming family to fill the gap that would exist if I had to endure shared custody of our DC . But I don’t have those things and don’t want to live apart from them whilst they’re still school age.

When our DC leave home though, I’m planning to spend most of the year in a little cottage and come back to our family house for Christmas, Easter, birthdays etc.

Thepossibility · 26/06/2022 23:47

I'm happy. I married him because I knew he'd be an amazing partner for life and dad. I think you need to choose really wisely if you are going to tie yourself to someone with marriage and/or children. Don't ever hope that selfish men will change or step up

SleepCheeseBeer · 26/06/2022 23:57

Together 16 years. 2 kids.

Right now I'm happy to be married to him.
3 months ago I had one foot out of the door. I didnt know if we could salvage it.

There is a lot of ups and downs.
I would choose him again I think if I knew then what I know now.

I do enjoy spending time with him but it's hard to get the chance.

meow1989 · 27/06/2022 00:00

Me. 16 years together, coming up to 7 married and 1ds.

Hellsbe · 27/06/2022 00:01

Married 33 years. Just spent a fab night drinking watching Glastonbury reminiscing and generally having a great time in each other’s company.
I love him as much as I did all those years ago.

WhichSideOfTheMoon · 27/06/2022 00:17

No from me! I’m similar to SilverTreeSun, above.
Married nearly 17 years, one DC still at school but once he’s left home I am out of here…..
We get on Ok-ish, most of the time, but have little in common. Yes, like living with a cousin or something - no intimacy (my choice, because I don’t like him enough), and I discovered a few years ago that he tells lies and keeps secrets from me. He annoys me, and has silly habits. I expect I annoy him too, although he says he loves me. But then I earn a lot more than him, and pay for just about everything…..
Shouldn’t have married him, but we have lovely DC and I’m grateful for that. And he’s a good father.
But I can’t wait to move on and get him out of my life. Think I would be happier alone…..!

onthefencesitter · 27/06/2022 00:49

yes 100% happily married.

Hawkins001 · 27/06/2022 00:54

At an educated guess, my ex,s marriage is starting or is already heading on the rocks, based on what she's written recently on facebook. Before that, she seemed very smitten and happy with her other half for a few years.

Aria999 · 27/06/2022 01:00

Yes 100%. We have been together 44 years and have two small DC.

Aria999 · 27/06/2022 01:00

Sorry 24 years that would be biologically impossible 😳

MagpieCastle · 27/06/2022 01:01

Together over 30 years. He’s caring, loving and retains a sense of curiosity about what makes me tick and life in general. Still my favourite person to be with. We both work at it - family rearing combined with sandwich generation years were sometimes tough. But always a team and make each others wellbeing a priority. I love the bones of him and still feel a moment of joy hearing the front door open, knowing he’s home.

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 27/06/2022 01:07

Yes I would say I would. Marriage is not exactly as I expected but not sure what I did expect. He did leave most of the kid stuff to me when they were younger and I was a bit bitter about that at the time as his life didn't seem to change much with kids whereas mine was totally different. But now they are older I have loads of free time and he still works super hard.

Financially it has been rocky but is ok at the moment. I think that makes a bit difference.

He doesn't judge me or give me a hard time about anything. We have a good laugh together.

He drinks too much and can be bolshy at times. But so can I so evens out......

Colouringaddict · 27/06/2022 01:56

Been together 30 years, I would marry him again in a heart beat, only one thing I would change and that would be to have met him earlier. Our lives would have been so different.

thenewduchessoflapland · 27/06/2022 02:10

I am;18 years of marriage and currently 4 teenagers.It hasn't always been like this,the years have been peppered with lots of highs and lows and there have been some very sad lows and times I've genuinely thought it's curtains for our relationship.

We got together in our teens and have been together all through our twenties and now nearly all of our thirties.We have grown together at times but grown apart at times too.I've matured quicker than my DH;it's taken longer to for him to accept the changes being a adult,a husband and a father brings.

I won't lie the baby/toddler years were really tough and I've spent a long time feeling as though I was doing the parenting alone:my DH just couldn't relate to young children well;he couldn't cope with how demanding it was.

It hasn't been until the kids has hit secondary school that he's been able to come into his own as a dad.

Clarabellasingsthisbit · 27/06/2022 02:14

Me.Married 40 years,together for 47.

DivaEx · 27/06/2022 04:35

Married almost 13 years, together over 15. Still happy and would absolutely do it again. Which is not to say that it's been 100% smooth sailing. 😀

Dita73 · 27/06/2022 05:20

No. Together 30 years,married 25. I never wanted to marry him. I was very young. Begged my parents the week before not to make me do it but ultimately didn’t have a choice. Have never been in a position where I could leave but hope one day I will be. I love him in the sense that he’s my family but I have never loved him like a husband. Fortunately he works away which makes it slightly more tolerable. If I had my life over again or if one day we do separate,there is no way I would ever marry again. I wouldn’t even live with someone or have any kind of long term relationship. I just wish I could be alone