8 year old up till 4.30 am is unreasonable?

[keepsane]

Just picked up my 8 year old DD from a sleepover at her friend from schools house and it turns out she and her friend were up until 4.30 am. The mum came into the room and said it was time to calm down and go to sleep...at 4.30 am!!

I'm really unhappy, in what world is letting 8 year old girls stay awake till that time unaccompanied may I add as the mum was in her bed, okay? 12 am - fair enough, maybe 1 am at a push if excited but 4.30 am is ridiculous and my DD is knackered.

I don't know whether to text the mum. She certainly won't be back there for a sleepover. AIBU?

My parents were strict I moved out at 17 and moved in with dh.

Absolutely horrible.

You absolute misery @keepsane

When my DD has had sleepovers they are always in bed at reasonable hour

in bed does not = asleep

Fucking hell.

Oh trust me, my DD is grounded after that

What does grounded even mean when you are 8? No after-school activities? Presumably you've paid for them so that's just cutting your own nose off.

I don't believe she is a single mum by the way - I just caught you out with internalised misogyny.

Totally reasonable solution.

The OP is not.

This makes me sad. I am 64 and remember sleepovers where we stayed up whispering, laughing, and just having fun. Your daughter isn't going to tell you anything and hid stuff from you.

The op won’t come back, she’ll think she is right, whilst sucking the joy out of others.

My DS has lots of sleepovers, with kids who go to bed later than normal but not silly o'clock

The kids who stay up really late - I allow him to go there too, but he knows it's only possible when there's nothing happening the following day

YABVU

Most adults talk with great fondness of times when they were kids and had a fun sleepover (where no-one slept!), or had a midnight feast, or did something that at the time felt so risky and exciting (while being entirely safe & age appropriate fun!)... those are the kinds of memories people take into adulthood and look back on with such delight.

Your DD did nothing wrong - she went to a sleepover and had some childhood fun with her friend. She didn't commit any crime! Please don't ruin what should be a classic fun childhood memory by punishing her!

This is exactly the type of sleepover I would have avoided as a child. Don't be surprised of your daughters friends do. Bed at a reasonable hour 🤣

Dd had 3 friends over camping for her 10th birthday this weekend.

I let them stay up until about 11.30 and then went over and told them to go to sleep, which thankfully they did. I know how horrid they would have been the next day if they stayed up all night!

Plus they had been in the hot tub and running around outside for hours so they really did need to sleep.

I think I would expect other parents to try to settle kids on a sleepover - but judging from this thread it doesn't sound like that normally happens!!

I wouldn't be too happy if dd was up til 4.30 but I would just let her chill out and have an early night the next day, no need for punishments 😯

@keepsane

Are you coming back?

You know, you'll get what you deserve when your daughter is a teenager.

The OP maybe won't post again, but I really, really hope she reads the thread and makes amends with her DD.

The little girl did nothing wrong, and her lovely, fun time has earned her misery and a punishment.

You are teaching your honest daughter the benefits of lies.

You’re grounding your 8yo for being a kid. A very late night is not the end of the world. I’m generally a live and let live type of person but you sound absolutely awful. She will end up hating you if you don’t lighten up a bit.

I have amazing childhood memories of sleepovers. My pals and I would play daft games, put on silly voices and giggle until well into the wee hours. A parent would come in periodically to shush us but part of the fun was doing something we weren't normally allowed to do. There's no harm in it at all, especially if she had a good time!

"stay awake till that time unaccompanied" - are children not allowed to be awake unaccompanied? Surely they were just in the bedroom talking, laughing etc not cooking meals in the kitchen?

What is your daughter grounded for? Being up late at a sleepover?

What a bunch of laughs you are, surely this isn't real.

Blimey and I thought I was strict about bedtimes. I'm usually the one who gets the raised eyebrow because I stick to the same comparatively early bedtimes even on weekends compared to the dcs friends.

It was a sleepover, on a Saturday night . Yes OK 4.30 is late but the rather attention seeking conniption fit you are having is beyond over the top. I take it this is how you attempt to reaffirm you are the only competent mother is it?

By all means text the mother , I suspect any invites to anything , even non sleepovers, will mysteriously dissappear. Oh and do continue grounding a child for totally unreasonable situations that are normal behaviour for dc that age. My dm used to do things like that. She used to give us heavy handed consequences because we did something that she arbitrarily decided was just a sign of general misdemeanour and a whole lot of "Oh we don't do things like that dear". I barely bother with her now. Nor does dsis , a lot because she was more interested in being seen to be "right" by others than what was best for us.

I mean good lord OP I am that mother who doesn't allow sleepovers for safeguarding reasons (I pick up at a certain time etc and before anyone winges it's for a very good reason) and even I think you are being unreasonable and honestly borderline nasty.

In the minority but I'm with you op. 8yr olds can have fun without been up all night and at that age they actually need a responsible parent to tell them to shh and go to sleep.

I used to hate it when ours were little and they went to friends houses whose feckless parents couldn't do the most basic of parenting. 4.30am is for secondary school sleepovers not little 8yr olds.

I wouldn't ground her, it obviously wasn't her fault just maybe avoid her sleeping there again or if you do suggest to the parent she tells to go to sleep at a reasonable time.

You've seriously grounded your kid for being a kid. Unbelievable. Your poor daughter.

I remember hosting my DDs 9th birthday sleepover 20 years ago - pre any sort of personal tech for that age group. They got ready for bed absolutely fine but would they settle - now way - and there's always one who winds the others up. I did go in at 2.30 and told them to be quiet but it was some time after that that they settled. Of course, DD (and probably the others) was completely foul and knackered the next day but, hey, it's just part of life's experiences. Think you're well over reacting OP.

" It just wouldn't have been allowed at my house. When my DD has had sleepovers they are always in bed at reasonable hour"

Well aren't you the bundle of laughs!! It's a one off - just chill!!!

Or would you rather she'd phoned you at 1am, 2am, 3am 4am to report that YOUR daughter (along with the rest of them) were still awake and refusing to sleep?!