8 year old up till 4.30 am is unreasonable?

[keepsane]

Just picked up my 8 year old DD from a sleepover at her friend from schools house and it turns out she and her friend were up until 4.30 am. The mum came into the room and said it was time to calm down and go to sleep...at 4.30 am!!

I'm really unhappy, in what world is letting 8 year old girls stay awake till that time unaccompanied may I add as the mum was in her bed, okay? 12 am - fair enough, maybe 1 am at a push if excited but 4.30 am is ridiculous and my DD is knackered.

I don't know whether to text the mum. She certainly won't be back there for a sleepover. AIBU?

You have grounded your daughter for having fun at a sleepover????

I wouldn't worry about it happening again, I can't see her getting many invites, or wanting to attend any more sleepovers if this is your response to a perfectly normal childhood experience.

I'd be very unimpressed too OP.

My DS had a sleepover for his last birthday. From the sound of it some of the boys were awake all night. I didn't sleep at all , but I couldn't physically make them be quiet or go to sleep but I did give lots of reminders after about 11.30pm!

Life and soul of the party, you are.

Why don't you send the kid to military school, she'd probably have more fun.

Your poor DD. Grounded for having fun. The Mum likely went to sleep herself and only realised they were still up then. Be grateful they had a fab time and apologise to your DD for over reacting.

As long as they were safely inside the house, that's what a sleepover is! I would never have been able to stay awake that long at 8, but the whole point of a sleepover is the intoxicating freedom of staying up late talking with your friends.

I do agree that 4:30 is quite late, and I'd have encouraged them to go to sleep at least a few hours earlier, but as PP said, she may well have thought they were asleep until they became noisy and woke her up. It's not the end of the world. She'll be groggy today, so a nap may be in order, but staying up very late one night won't hurt a child. It's not as though they were drinking alcohol or sneaking out of the house.

Why is she grounded though. That’s the point of sleep overs, they do what they don’t normally do at home, chit chat, eat sweets, stay up late, etc. I think 4am is quite late but for your child, she’ll remember it fondly, she just goes to bed earlier tonight, that’s all

I developed a trick that worked for a few years. Kids would arrive. Whilst they were having tea out of room sleepover was going to be happening in, I’d go in and put clock forward by 1 hour. And then I’d alter other clocks they’d see.

This wouldn't work in 2022 unless you could find a way to get Alexa to lie 😆

holy crap, this is way off the deep end

I hope you are taking these comments on board, OP, and I hope you will now go and do the following two things:

Text the mother to say 'thank you so much for having my child. She had so much fun. I hope you're not too exhausted.. My turn next time!'

Then go and speak to your daughter and apologise for overreacting, tell her she's not actually grounded, and use the opportunity for a quick reminder of good behaviour at other people' s houses.

Why have you grounded her?

The rule when my children were younger was no sleepovers during school term as they are notorious for going to sleep late. Often when mine did go (during school holidays) they’d say they didn’t sleep or slept really late, it didn’t occur to me to be annoyed.

@cardibach
We also called them wakeovers.I must admit I didn't allow them in term time.

Unimpressed perhaps, but hopefully not placing blame anywhere?

Good lord. Totally bizarre and unkind of you OP

Chill out, sleepovers = little sleep.
Either allow them or don’t but don’t punish her.

“In bed” is not the same as “asleep”. I was always “in bed” at a reasonable hour at sleepovers but we were still whispering and giggling until god knows when. The mother can’t physically force your daughter to sleep.

I feel so sorry for your poor daughter. If this is how you react over nothing, how will you cope with the inevitable real problems.

I certainly don’t think it’s ‘completely normal’. What were they doing at that time? I’m going to hazard a guess there were screens involved.

Fgs, Op. Loosen up. Having hosted multiple sleepovers over the years for dc and he having been invited to many more, I can tell you that very little sleeping goes on at them. You sound very precious accusing the mum of not being there - she was in bed but obviously not asleep. What did you want her to do, drag her bed in there and supervise a couple of 8 years old all night long ?! Probably best your dc doesn't return, you sound very ungrateful. Get a grip or don't allow dd to attend any sleepovers ever again as if you do there will be repeat sleepless nights
It's half the fun of a sleepover.

You are totally over reacting. This is normal. My dd was at a birthday sleepover few weeks ago. They never went to sleep until 5am. She is 9. Absolutely normal and yes she was tired but got an early night that night. Not a big deal. Its one time.

Oh trust me, my DD is grounded after that
Your poor DD, I'm actually devastated for her 😔 🥺

Jeez,what will you do if your dd ever is really bad?. Lock her in he'd room until she's 18?. Ban her from having friends?. Beat her with a stick?

Christ, poor kid. Also where is an 8yo going on their own that means grounding has any impact?

The whole POINT of sleepovers is to NOT sleep. You stay up giggling and being, you know, kids!! She'll soon be a teenager and then you'll be punishing her for sleeping TOO much. 😂Poor kid, lighten up!!