8 year old up till 4.30 am is unreasonable?

[keepsane]

Just picked up my 8 year old DD from a sleepover at her friend from schools house and it turns out she and her friend were up until 4.30 am. The mum came into the room and said it was time to calm down and go to sleep...at 4.30 am!!

I'm really unhappy, in what world is letting 8 year old girls stay awake till that time unaccompanied may I add as the mum was in her bed, okay? 12 am - fair enough, maybe 1 am at a push if excited but 4.30 am is ridiculous and my DD is knackered.

I don't know whether to text the mum. She certainly won't be back there for a sleepover. AIBU?

[CapMarvel]

It's a sleepover FFS. The whole point is that the kids get to stay up late, mess around etc as a one-off.

Get a grip.

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Why is that funny @sunglassesonthetable ? Some kids really can’t cope with no sleep, will feel ill and take a few days to recover. It seems accosted on MN that sleepovers mean no sleep. Why not a happy medium of fun and frolics in the evening then sleep?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

The clue’s in the name - ‘SLEEPover’ not ‘STAYUPALLNIGHTer’

[Nidan2Sandan]

Surely you should be telling off your kid for pissing about & not going to sleep not moaning about the Mum!

Maybe you need to teach your child how to be better behaved when in someone else's house.

[HeelsAtDawn]

Oh I would actually be texting the mum.

I'd say;

I hear the girls did not sleep until 4. You must be exhausted!! You poor thing, I hope they were not too disruptive and you got some sleep in the end. [DD's name absolutely loved it] I owe you big time, but in the meantime I will drop you a bottle of wine'.

[CapMarvel]

@bendmeoverbackwards

And no, it’s not ‘normal’. It almost seems like the adults are accepting or even encouraging them to stay up all night. Lots of kids hate it being up that late, they might well WANT an adult to step in.

An 8 year old is perfectly capable of saying to their friend or the hosting mum that they want to go to sleep.

The idea that the parents would be actually encouraging them to stay up (how? by giving them coffee and playing loud music) is fucking hilarious.

It's a one-off. Don't be that shitty parent who is strict about pointless shit.

[Sunshine10012]

It’s normal lighten up or you’ll be in for a shock when she turns into a teenager.

[sunglassesonthetable]

@bendmeoverbackwards it's funny that you think some parents would actually 'encourage' children not to sleep. Really?

Personally I don't think staying up really late is a big deal. It's not something that happens that often and then normal sleeping hours resume the next night. I don't think it does them any harm. On an ordinary day to day basis I'm a big believer in sleep.

Tbh I can't even remember the exact times my kids were supposed to have stayed up until at various sleepovers. Who cares? They had lots of fun.

[sunglassesonthetable]

The clue’s in the name - ‘SLEEPover’ not ‘STAYUPALLNIGHTer

Believe what you like. LOL

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Ok maybe encouraging is the wrong word, but certainly not doing much to discourage it and just accepting they will be up all night. It is possible to have a fun sleepover without no sleep or very little!

[WorriedMillie]

DD’s teacher calls them Wakeovers 🤣🤣

[MadKittenWoman]

FFS. The rule at our house was no loud noise after midnight and no going downstairs. Some stayed up most of the night, some went to sleep, some complained to the others to quieten down and some asked to go home (before midnight and local). They need to work these things out themselves. We didn't get involved unless there was an emergency, which there never was. Chill.

[ShandaLear]

You grounded her? Thats completely overreacting. You’re being ridiculous.

[Fizbosshoes]

It's possible that some parents who insist that all the sleepovers in their house are very civilised, with everyone having a set period of time for fun, and then everyone asleep by midnight....actually are just more deep sleepers and have fallen asleep themselves, and don't hear the children whispering, laughing, chatting going to the loo 68 times between them until the wee small hours ...?

[sunglassesonthetable]

It is possible to have a fun sleepover without no sleep or very little!
@bendmeoverbackwards

Of course. BUT if they don't sleep much I'm not going to fret.

And yep I discouraged staying awake late as much as the next person. Because I like my sleep.

But there is no way I'm coming on here talking as if 'the sleep' is the important part of the sleepover. I'm advocating for my kids opinion that it certainly is NOT.

And any hours of sleep they have lost along the way, in retrospect, matters NOT A JOT.

[PutTheFruitInMyBellender]

@keepsane I am trying really hard to imagine that this is serious. My DC are now young adults, but I'm still scarred by the memory of "sleep"overs. They are the absolute work of the Devil. Nobody sleeps, including the host parents, and the children are vile the next day. However, this is normal. Grounding your child (and grounding her from what? Where's she going on her own at 8?) is ridiculous.

The host mum is probably sitting at home saying "never again". Until the next time.

Seriously, OP, you're storing up problems for teenage years if you're like this now about a sleepover.

[CB1171115]

I would leave it now tbh. Can't do anything about it.

i was never into sleepovers as a kid but my younger siblings had a few and would be up til the very early hours so I would say it's normal!

it is one night, let it go ☺️

far worse to come in the teenage years!

[Glitteryjelly]

Yabu

[RedHelenB]

Yabu. Par for the course on sleepovers.

[Snaketime]

YABU. My god, can't you remember being that age and having a sleepover. My mum would always have me and my friend 'in bed at a decent hour' but we would never be asleep by that time, many many times did we stay awake till 3/4 am playing. My mum would come in but we would pretend to be asleep the second she came in the room.
Just have a lazy day with her and put her to bed early tonight.

[PinkSyCo]

I mean it is very late for an 8 year old, and I wouldn’t be keen on the fact that she’ll more than likely be a right grump today due to tiredness. I would at most make a mental note to not accept future sleepover invitations but I would not complain to DD’s friend’s mum and I would definitely not ground my DD. That’s harsh!

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Children that age can struggle to sleep. It’s just so exciting and can be a bit scary. It is really unkind to ground your dd for this.

When my dd was about 7 she went to the second sleepover she ever had been on and the girl ended up being made to sleep with her parents from about 2am as neither could settle and dd was alone and upset. She managed to sleep a little and luckily I’d given her an old mobile phone so she called me at 6.30 am. I realised dd was too little and stopped them until she was 8.

When my dd was 8, she had a friend over and they told me they couldn’t sleep and her friend was a bit scared. She didn’t want to go home so I suggested they brought the little pop up tent into the bedroom with me and they could sleep in there to give them some sort of separation from me. I then read a book to them for about half and hour and realised they’d fallen asleep about 11.30pm.

My dd is now a teen. Sleepovers are a lot less exciting, she and her friends actually sleep. But she’s had the odd wake over in between. A couple of times aged about 11 they planned not to sleep. The most memorable was with 4 other girls. I didn’t sleep well that night either!

[ThinkAboutItTomorrow]

I agree with you OP. It's out of order. I can't believe the responses that it's the kids fault & the mum could do nothing. There was one adult in the house and they should have laid down the law.

4.30 is way too late for 8 year olds.

I had a similar situation except my DD & friend stayed up all night. I couldn't believe the parents had gone to sleep with the girls still awake.

DD (she was 8 too) was beside herself the next day, kept bursting into tears and was so drowsy I was scared she'd fall asleep in the bath. It was horrible.

We didn't say anything to the other parents but did say no to the next few requests for sleepovers at theirs.
At ours we make sure they are asleep after midnight.
Still wake up at 5am but hey ho.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

@ThinkAboutItTomorrow

I agree with you OP. It's out of order. I can't believe the responses that it's the kids fault & the mum could do nothing. There was one adult in the house and they should have laid down the law.

4.30 is way too late for 8 year olds.

I had a similar situation except my DD & friend stayed up all night. I couldn't believe the parents had gone to sleep with the girls still awake.

DD (she was 8 too) was beside herself the next day, kept bursting into tears and was so drowsy I was scared she'd fall asleep in the bath. It was horrible.

We didn't say anything to the other parents but did say no to the next few requests for sleepovers at theirs.
At ours we make sure they are asleep after midnight.
Still wake up at 5am but hey ho.

I do not agree the parents shouldn’t sleep if the children don’t. A child cannot be forced to sleep, especially as at 8 excitement can be a mixture of joy and nervousness. I am always available if needed during the night, am a light sleeper. I made set rules at such as not going outside at night.

I am disabled and chronically ill. I need sleep otherwise I cannot function. I mean that in the literal sense rather than just a bit tired. Dh has a fairly long drive to work. What you’re basically saying is that we should never have had sleepovers. Or at least only at weekends and expect dh to be in bed all the next day when I’d have been pretty depleted by having a child over.

If your dd was too tired for a bath it sounds as if she needed to be helped to have a long daytime nap then forgo the bath if she were still too sleepy or get her in the shower.

I really do not under this blame culture.

[NigellaAwesome]

I think OP is getting a hard time here. I would have been deeply unimpressed if my DC arrived back from a sleepover having been awake until 4.30am, but mine always struggled to catch up on lost sleep. I wouldn't complain to the other mother, but I would perhaps text to say thank you and apologise for her being kept awake until 4.30am.

I think grounding your DD is a bit harsh - she perhaps didn't have much control over what was going on.

I remember having conversations with DC and their friends at around that age where we would negotiate and agree acceptable switch out times, and generally they would stick to them. Any guest who couldn't go to sleep at a decent time simply didn't get invited back. The worst combination was DD and her same aged cousin - they were a nightmare together, and sleepovers just didn't happen for a while because of it.