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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your DH or DP still goes down on you?

367 replies

HonestAnswersOnly · 25/06/2022 13:00

DH used to when we were dating. Then he tailed off as we became a proper couple. He hasn't done it once since we married 6 years ago.

I've made comments, joked about it, he says sure. Bit it's all funny. And then we have sex and he goes absolutely no where near it. Just wham bam thank you mam.

I could be more direct with my request but I'm fairly sure he actually really isn't keen on it and it makes me feel ashamed that he would need to be persuaded into it.

Not looking for relationship advice (though fuck knows I need it)...just intrigued to find out if it still happens for other women in long term relationships?

Or do all men stop when they think they don't have to anymore?

OP posts:
LegInLegOut · 25/06/2022 18:55

Yes regularly. Married 41 years.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 25/06/2022 18:56

No. Not for years.

But then I know he doesn't like it, it makes him nervous so I don't ask for it, same as if there was something I didn't like doing he wouldn't ask me to do it. It's called mutual respect.

Cyclebabble · 25/06/2022 18:58

Yes... this morning. Lush

neverbeenskiing · 25/06/2022 18:59

We've been together 17 years and DH still goes down on me almost every time we have sex. He enjoys it though. If he didn't I wouldn't want him to. If I thought it was a chore for him I couldn't relax enough to orgasm and enthusiasm is such a big part of being good in bed, I can't imagine that a man who finds it a chore would be much good at it!

PinkSyCo · 25/06/2022 19:05

The best thing about my ex was that he loved going down on me (as many men do) but didn’t expect oral back, which was great for me as I’m not overly keen on sucking dick. Do you give your DH head? If so I suppose out of politeness he should reciprocate, but you shouldn’t demand it if he hates it.

Whammyyammy · 25/06/2022 19:08

Yes, very regularly and I don't have to ask. Been married 25 years.

swimlyn · 25/06/2022 19:11

…I used to put up with it earlier on in the relationship…

Well I think we’ve established the extreme parameters of this subject now! 😄

Original poster
HonestAnswersOnly · 25/06/2022 19:29

@Summerlovin20 Did his hang ups and uptightness continue to you breaking up with your exP?

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 25/06/2022 19:31

HonestAnswersOnly · 25/06/2022 13:00

DH used to when we were dating. Then he tailed off as we became a proper couple. He hasn't done it once since we married 6 years ago.

I've made comments, joked about it, he says sure. Bit it's all funny. And then we have sex and he goes absolutely no where near it. Just wham bam thank you mam.

I could be more direct with my request but I'm fairly sure he actually really isn't keen on it and it makes me feel ashamed that he would need to be persuaded into it.

Not looking for relationship advice (though fuck knows I need it)...just intrigued to find out if it still happens for other women in long term relationships?

Or do all men stop when they think they don't have to anymore?

If it was me, that's the first area id begin with, I once did it for while, that I got jaw ache, I prefer a good bush, my current partner, is not keen on the activity.

Thebeastofsleep · 25/06/2022 19:35

TMItoomuchinfo · 25/06/2022 18:27

Whatever way I was stitched after childbirth has absolutely changed my clitoral area. It is flatter as if it had been pulled tight, taut. Whatever way I was stitched also seems to correspond to a nerve in my upper thigh, which throbbed during penetration when I first started having sex after that baby was born 4 years ago. Something strange definitely happened as they sewed me up. I had a very bad tear as well as episiotomy and almost needed to go to theatre to be repaired. My husband says they were working on me for an hour. The shape of my clitoris is different, which absolutely affects sensation and orgasm. It also grosses me out and makes me feel squeamish from time to time. I get what the OP is saying entirely. Thanks for speaking for other women's clitorises!

Show quote history

My genitals were definitely rearranged post birth. I didn't have any frontal damage (all internal and rear) but my clitoris definitely moved.

2nd pregnancy fixed it though and it's back to its original location (thankfully!).

Chuzzle · 25/06/2022 19:35

Mine would like to but my fanoire is wrecked after children and I'm self conscious 😬

MrsLighthouse · 25/06/2022 19:39

Mine does …every time . I could do without it to be honest. I’d much rather a wham bam thank you mam and not have to do much myself 🤣 But you’re probably lots younger than me and l must admit sex was much more important to me then so maybe just ask outright what the reluctance is .

Harrystylestutu · 25/06/2022 22:40

Yep 14 years together and I think he likes it just as much as me

MonkeyPuddle · 25/06/2022 22:58

DP doesn’t like giving oral. He’s got a little tongue. Makes it uncomfortable for him. Demon with his fingers though, there’s a lot of intimacy coming while we look into each other’s eyes.

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/06/2022 10:23

DoamnaSmecher · 25/06/2022 17:10

No. Says he doesn’t like it so won’t do it. Haven’t had sex for three years either as he doesn’t want that either. He has ED but won’t go to a doctor as he thinks they will give him testosterone snd he doesn’t want to go bald. He said if it was the choice between never having sex again or keeping his hair, he’d keep his hair. Not sure where that leaves me though…

@DoamnaSmecher

im not sure why the incredulity!

I would choose the same.

Would rather keep my hair! I wouldn’t even need to think about it

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/06/2022 10:36

collieresponder88 · 25/06/2022 18:06

I would think a man that doesn't like vaginas couldn't be a straight man. Been married 20 years and has always been his instigation I've never asked

Show quote history

@collieresponder88

i dunno I can’t say I really like penises to be honest.

They are ugly and it’s where men piss from. If not kept clean they will smell.

but I am definitely straight.

You can say the same for vaginas. Vaginas are pretty ugly too.

genitalia male or female is not pretty let’s face

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/06/2022 10:37

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 25/06/2022 18:56

No. Not for years.

But then I know he doesn't like it, it makes him nervous so I don't ask for it, same as if there was something I didn't like doing he wouldn't ask me to do it. It's called mutual respect.

@TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo

lol why does it make him nervous?!

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 26/06/2022 11:48

@LuckySantangelo35 I'm his first and only sexual partner. He worries about doing it wrong!!

He also doesn't like me reciprocating because "it feels disrespectful from the mother of his children" apparently??? I think he watched too much porn before he met me.

He's an odd one I know but he's really fucking good at the rest of it so I overlook the weirdness 😂😂

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/06/2022 11:58

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 26/06/2022 11:48

@LuckySantangelo35 I'm his first and only sexual partner. He worries about doing it wrong!!

He also doesn't like me reciprocating because "it feels disrespectful from the mother of his children" apparently??? I think he watched too much porn before he met me.

He's an odd one I know but he's really fucking good at the rest of it so I overlook the weirdness 😂😂

@TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo

How bizarre! Especially the mother of his children thing. Bit of a Madonna/whore complex?

DoamnaSmecher · 26/06/2022 15:15

@LuckySantangelo35 but sex and relationships are not - or shouldn’t be - all about what one person refuses to do. By saying it’s his hair or sex, and it’s not going to be his hair, he is effectively giving me the option of a sexless marriage, a discreet affair, or divorce. And he doesn’t even know that it’s sex or hair because he refuses to discuss it with a doctor.

Perplexed0522 · 26/06/2022 15:43

It’s very rare in our sex life but that’s because I don’t particularly like receiving it.

I will tolerate it for a few minutes as I know he likes doing it but then I discreetly put an end to it by either moving position or pulling him back up to face me.

I love giving oral sex to my DH but I find the thought or act of him going down on me really, really kills my mood. I just don’t find it sexy at all.

TheGoogleMum · 26/06/2022 15:48

He would if I asked but I orgasm more easily a different way. I dont really enjoy going down on him so I don't tend to ask him to do it to me as it feels unfair

Backtothefuture1908 · 26/06/2022 15:49

Only on birthday and at Christmas 🤣

Sisisimone · 26/06/2022 15:49

LuckySantangelo35 I'm his first and only sexual partner. He worries about doing it wrong!!
Ever thought of just telling him to try and you'll let him know if he is? If you can't experiment with your long term partner there's something wrong.

He also doesn't like me reciprocating because "it feels disrespectful from the mother of his children" apparently??? I think he watched too much porn before he met me
So much wrong with this I dont even know where to begin

SpringIntoChaos · 26/06/2022 15:58

GoingOnce · 25/06/2022 14:47

I must be a total prude because I hate it. DH would gladly do it but I just can’t stand the feeling! Intensely ticklish and completely unsexy! 😂 Sensing I’m in the minority on here.

Same...although not the tickly part. I just don't 'feel' anything and I've never climaxed from oral sex. I really feel self-conscious and just want it over! (Happy to give oral though 👍)