To ask if your DH or DP still goes down on you?

[HonestAnswersOnly]

DH used to when we were dating. Then he tailed off as we became a proper couple. He hasn't done it once since we married 6 years ago.

I've made comments, joked about it, he says sure. Bit it's all funny. And then we have sex and he goes absolutely no where near it. Just wham bam thank you mam.

I could be more direct with my request but I'm fairly sure he actually really isn't keen on it and it makes me feel ashamed that he would need to be persuaded into it.

Not looking for relationship advice (though fuck knows I need it)...just intrigued to find out if it still happens for other women in long term relationships?

Or do all men stop when they think they don't have to anymore?

Thank you for sharing ALL these details. Even if most of them have made me feel like I'm living the life of a nun. There was someone who talked about snagging their own husband 3 times in one afternoon including two blow jobs. I thought that was the stuff of films.

I will talk to DH but I instinctely know he doesn't do it because he doesn't like it. He is squeamish and generally seems to find vaginas fairly unattractive. I just didn't know if we were unusual in that it's the first thing to go when you become long term and tired middle aged people.

Mine doesn't, but that's because I don't like it. I used to put up with it earlier on in the relationship as he does enjoy it but I put a stop to it as soon as I was comfortable.

Why on earth would you want or need to know when your DH had a crap??

Ok folks alot of people on here talking about the frequency of their sex lives, so not relevant. Not many actually answering the question asked. No wonder OP couldn’t be bothered to communicate back here.

@HonestAnswersOnly It’s hard because of course you don’t want to be a pest. If he’s really not into it then you can’t expect him to go there.

However I think you do need to have a proper, not jokey, conversation with him and ask him honestly if it’s because he doesn’t like doing it. If he just can’t be bothered and would rather come quickly himself without returning the favour then that’s not on. Does he ever make sure you climax or is it always just him that gets to have the fun? Is the relationship good/great in other respects?

I would think a man that doesn't like vaginas couldn't be a straight man. Been married 20 years and has always been his instigation I've never asked

Mine loves it and is great at it. Lucky me.

It's a shame for you OP, even if he doesn't want to do this particular thing, clearly he needs to be more giving and considerate in other ways to meet your needs.

Yes. But I'm gay, so perhaps it is different.

I couldn't be with a man who was squeamish about vaginas. What would be the point of that??

I suspect that the title of your thread has attracted a high percentage of women whose partner's still do down on them. I wouldn't assume the responses here necessarily reflect what's going on at a population level.

However I would agree with PP that it's definitely a conversation that should be had, and that if you are giving him blow jobs and not getting a lot out of it then giving them up may focus his mind a bit.

@pigalow27 I was giving an example of his total secrecy surrounding normal bodily functions, door closed when showering, boxers straight back on after sex, never naked, vaginas are yucky sticky things. Not normal to me in a LTR.

Think wanting a shit in privacy is perfectly reasonable. A relationship doesn't mean that you can't have a bit of privacy.

Nope, Partner would spend a day down there given the chance, and exdh was keen too.

Mine never has.
It makes me feel like he thinks it’s disgusting or something. Previous partners loved it.
DH has real issues around hygiene and intimacy. We have a crap sex life.
I’ve just decided to live with it as our life in every other way is great.
The fantasy world in my head is on fire 🔥.
Can’t have everything!

@pigalow27 Jesus Christ, still missing the point of my post.

I don't think I'm missing the point just suggesting that some people might agree with your x DH that having a bit of privacy for bodily functions is ok and to my mind far preferable to someone walking around farting, burping, shitting with the bathroom door open. Why in the name of all that's holy would anyone over the age of 4 want to do that?

Whatever way I was stitched after childbirth has absolutely changed my clitoral area. It is flatter as if it had been pulled tight, taut. Whatever way I was stitched also seems to correspond to a nerve in my upper thigh, which throbbed during penetration when I first started having sex after that baby was born 4 years ago. Something strange definitely happened as they sewed me up. I had a very bad tear as well as episiotomy and almost needed to go to theatre to be repaired. My husband says they were working on me for an hour. The shape of my clitoris is different, which absolutely affects sensation and orgasm. It also grosses me out and makes me feel squeamish from time to time. I get what the OP is saying entirely. Thanks for speaking for other women's clitorises!

It was one example she used to illustrate how uptight and repressed her ex partner was with regard to bodies, and bodily functions sexual and otherwise. I don't think she expressed a wish to have seen him shit. Stop fixating.

Never - not once - in 42 years

@Summerlovin20 This sounds like my DH. He would say he's not like that but he keeps himself to himself and definitely think vaginas are a means to an end if that makes sense. He's almost a bit like a teenage boy who likes girls but also thinks they're gross and strange. He would never fart in front of me either.

I garbled a lot of my previous post cus my baby was climbing all over the. Sorry if it makes no sense!

Yup, he does. We've been together 18 years and married almost 11 and the last time he went down on me was yesterday.

He's more likely to if I have shaved recently (though, he would never insist I shave or anything), which seems fair enough to me since we're both autistic and have specific sensory preferences. It's certainly not reciprocal because I'm not a big fan of giving BJs so only do it very rarely.

Then again, I think for him making sure I orgasm is more important during sex than him orgasming. After I gave birth he was super keen to perform oral sex on me before I was ready to have full sex (and he emphasised that he didn't expect anything in return).

We've had our ups and downs, and have had a few issues regarding sex during our relationship, but he has always been very generous in bed.

He wishes he could do it more but it's not my favourite way to orgasm. I like it now and again but I prefer to orgasm from fingering or sex. I'm a bit over sensitive and it just tickles me.

Dh does and I don't ask him to.

You should tell him he is lucky that he has a wife that wants him to go there! I wish my DW would let me! Mind she refuses to do me or have s e x with her, so he should count his lucky stars.