This is not ok, is it? DH and DD.

[Thistledew]

DD is two years and two months.

For some reason she is going through a phase of resisting going to sleep. We do bathtime, story and then I close her blinds, put on some soothing music and her sparkly lamp and usually stroke her hair until she falls asleep.

Except for the last week or so she has been resisting sleep and at the point where normally she would be about to drop off she will sit up, play with her cuddly toys, ask for a breadstick, demand another story etc. Bedtime should be between 7.30 and 8pm, but we have been lucky to get her asleep by 9pm recently.

Today seemed particularly bad. It was passed 9pm and she was still not settling to sleep. As she kept trying to get me to play with her toys with her (and as I was getting frustrated) I said to her that I would not sit in the room with her but would wait outside until she was ready to go to sleep. She kept trying to follow me out so I was telling her to get back in bed and that it was sleeping time.

DH noticed me struggling and offered to take over. Unfortunately, DD only wanted me, and got upset and was trying to get past him and get out of the room. DH’s response (which I saw on the baby monitor) was to repeatedly push or drop her back into the bed, or to grab her legs and move them back into the bed as she tried to get out.

I could tell things were getting more and more fraught so I went back in. I picked up DD and she was shaking, but after a very quick cuddle she indicated she wanted to get back into her bed and then after one further very short story she was asleep.

I said to DH that I did not think it was helpful for him to manhandle her like that. She was getting more upset and it was not helping her to settle to sleep. It looked more like an attempt at discipline than helping her to go to bed. His response was that he had no other options and that he wouldn’t help at all in the future if his efforts were not good enough.

I replied that if he really couldn’t think of any other way than manhandling DD then yes, it would be better that he didn’t get involved.

AIBU that his treatment of DD was not appropriate? From listening to her she sounded cross rather than frightened, but it still clearly was not helping her calm down and settle for sleep.

OP cop on, the child is running rings around you! Your husband has the right idea.

You were being too weak with your DD. A child that age who is resisting bedtimes should get an absolute grey rock of a parent who does not allow demands for toys and breadsticks. The super nanny back-to-bed strategy really does work.

Your DH was being too harsh.

You need to be able to compromise and find a way to make bedtimes work

You forgot Step mothers.I think it's a tie between men and Step mothers

Yes I recall threads talking about feminism/sexism/patriarchy after the cop murdered the woman in London. There were umpteen threads of sexism women received from men and alot of the examples were nothing of the kind or remotely abusive -just a man who disagreed with them over something or clashed with a woman over something.
I think the words 'misogyny', 'abuse' and 'sexism' get thrown about so much on mn that people on mn don't actually understand what the terms mean and usually use it when they don't get their own way. Every time a thread against a man appears it's automatic 'ltb now' with some posters which greatly undermines real abuse.
I use to work in schools for years and the amount of entitled parents who complained when their child didn't get their own way and acting like entitled brats amazed me. The real world doesn't work like that and these kids will have a real shock when they leave school and mammy/daddy can't fight their corner.

Op, I think you've deliberately used emotive language to get the replies you wanted.
Dh was not hurting dd, she was having a temperature tantrum and then you gave her her own way.
You need to work with dh on a suitable way to get her to bed, no pandering and sitting with her for ages, that is ridiculous.

I have reread this thread and the replies and all this nonsense about abuse! Had he really have thrown her and made her shake with fear the OP would have either kicked him out or left with her children. She is a drama queen and is what we call in my family an "only mummy" as in "only mummy makes the pasta the right way, only mummy does the hair the right way etc". Only mummys who behave like this very quickly become lonely mummys because their partners wise up and leave. Notice the OP hasnt come back recently? we didnt support her view did we. Only mummy knows best OP.

Managing to drag this thread around to a moan about teachers' supposed wrongs is spectacularly crass.

Managing to drag this thread around to a moan about teachers' supposed wrongs is spectacularly crass

not really considering the spoilt behaviour and over sensitive mother is usually what will be a problem for a teacher later on.

Managing to misinterpret this post as being a moan about teachers is spectacularly wrong.

It's clearly aimed at parents who over-indulge their children, & empathic to how hard that is for teachers to cope with.

@AmaryIlis

Managing to drag this thread around to a moan about teachers' supposed wrongs is spectacularly crass.

The poster you responded to was sympathising with teachers, not moaning about them!

Only mummys who behave like this very quickly become lonely mummys because their partners wise up and leave

yes and the same mummys will have threads/posts saying how they always put their kids 1st and that's why their partner left or why they don't like x teacher.

People don't understand that putting your kid 1st is not spoiling them and making them realise that no means no and they aren't the centre of the universe or must always get your undivided attention-because that's how life is.