To think work isn’t compatible with being a mum

[Ori1]

Not until they’re about 6. The system as it is requires women to basically do the hardest job going (birthing/parenting through the early years) and work a job. I do both, and quite honestly it’s a fucking shitshow - I’m permanently tired, I feel like a Jack of all trades & a master of none, I also feel like a fraud at work because I’m constantly comparing myself to colleagues who don’t have kids & who seem to have boundless enthusiasm/energy.

I just think the way society is does nothing to benefit women and everything to complement men. Why don’t women get any slack whilst doing the most important job there is; why haven’t we thought of ways. they can be more supported so they don’t have to work during the early years and raise a family?

I completely disagree with everything you've said OP. I'm a full time working mum of a 3.5 year old and have been back at work since he was 8 months old. Didn't enjoy being at home with a baby full time and couldn't think of anything worse personally than being a SAHM, despite loving DS more than anything else in the world. Nor do I feel like a "Jack of all trades, master of none" either at work or at home. DH and I share the load equally, make sure we have adequate childcare provision and both enjoy our jobs.

That said, I appreciate not everyone feels the way I do, because we're all different,

@kritigirl

What a load of sexistt twaddle

Despite anything else there's loads of provision to 'allow mothers to raise their children'

I’m amazed I haven’t been sacked. I’m achieving sod all at work most weeks. I feel completely demoralised.
I’m the main earner, I do 4 days/30hrs but on office days have a 1hr commute. Fortunately can WFH 2 days usually.
DD is in nursery, DH does 50% but I’m still exhausted. We have no family support and I have an old horse to mange too and we have just moved house to a renovation project.
DD has had 50 days off nursery in the last 12 months due to sickness. We have shared it but it’s broken me. I need a break but mo more time off to take.
I’m failing at absolutely all of it.

Completely agree with those saying it shouldn't be this way with the right partner (obv single mums are a different story). My DP doesn't work a 9-5 so he has my DD2 all day Monday so I can stay late in the office if I need to, collects her from nursery after work and does bedtimes on Tuesday, I leave work early to do nursery pick up Wednesday then Thursday and Friday I WFH, wake him at 8:30 to be at my desk for 9 and he has her 9am-1pm when he takes her to nursery before he starts work at 3 and I do pick up and bedtime. I have her all day Saturday whilst he works then we're all together Sunday. God knows what we'll do when we're dealing with school hours but I'll cross that bridge. Point is childcare is completely split between the 2 of us so we can both work full time. I could never imagine being with someone who didn't take equal responsibility for looking after their own child.

@HandScreen this is the issue; that schools clearly have massive variations.
In the past fortnight I’ve had, all during the school day; 2 parent meetings, 2 sports days, 1 curriculum showcase, 1 celebration assembly and one singing performance. We also had an open evening to meet DS2s teacher for September as he is starting school.
We have 3 children which means 3 parent reviews per term, celebration assemblies at least once a fortnight not to mention performance once a term for each child.

School play once a year? Not where we are!

@Louise0701

My youngest kids school has had something on nearly every day this week and a few things next week

I just work the days they don't have something on

This this thisitty this.

Why don’t men have this issue? Once breastfeeding is done, why are women under so much more pressure than their also working, also parenting partners?

We did everything 50/50. Worked around pick ups and drop offs, covered birthday parties, sick days, domestic tasks etc etc.

At one stage both dropped our work by one day a week and paid nursery fees for 3.

It was still hard, but not as tough as f/t work plus all the default parenting and housekeeping that many women seem to do.

We need to look to instilling ‘work is also compatible to being a Dad’.

Wow @Thinkbiglittleone how quickly you were proved right

@Topgub I am hoping it’s just end of term madness mixed with excitement that we can actually go into school again.

I think we need to expect more of young men, and not tell the next generation of women that the ‘burden will largely fall on them’.

@Louise0701

Its p7 madness for us

I work full time in a very senior job and DH works part time and earns fuck all but does the majority of the housework. I breastfed till DS was 3 if that’s relevant. DS never did more than 2 short days at nursery.

It honestly isn’t a law of nature that men must do the earning and women do the domestic bit.

I think if a woman wishes to she should be able to claim benefits to raise her child or at least be able to work very part time and be topped up. Seems messed up
the government pays towards childcare for people to go back to work and pay others to have them ? Just allow the mothers (or fathers) the means to look after their own kids ? I would be happy for my taxes to pay for this. I worked full time when mine were little through lack of choice and it was bloody hard and I don’t think either work or my kids got the best of me .The women would put back into the system when their kids are older.

I completely agree with the first response on the thread.

For me, happier children would equal better (future) society. And of course younger kids are happier when they get one to one quality attention from their carer. Nursery staff are great but they simply wouldn't love your kid like you do.

There's huge behaviour problems + MH issues at schools. I can't help but think we are not laying the good grounds in those crucial first years. Parenting is the most important job, as OP said.

@puddingandsun

What does that have to do with working mums?

Ridiculously hard OP! Me & DH work full time and have a 3 yo and dog. We have no help and generally struggle to get enough rest. I'm exhausted. It's good news if it gets better at 6 though!

Definitely I only have 1 child due to work being incompatible with parenting especially early years.

Having it all = doing it all
Plus shit loads on top plus being perfect mum plus looking perfect plus hosting perfect dinner parties plus smiling and being classy etc etc ......

Yep fabulouso 😂🤣😂🤣

We need to adapt work around child rearing, not the other way around.

@puddingandsun couldn't agree more.
@Topgub it isn't sexist twaddle as you put it. I am not saying men also can't stay home and raise kids. I just think a parent should at least some of the time. There is a stigma attached to not working and there isn't enough support for those parents.
Time will tell though.

If I'm honest, I would like to know why society doesn't recognise being a stay-at-home mum to be of value.

Yes, there are women who want to return to paid employment after having children. And they will be paid for doing a job whilst paying for someone else to look after their child/children. Nothing wrong with that.

And often there are mothers who would prefer to stay at home to look after their children. Nothing wrong with that. But often those mothers feel guilt because they want to look after their own children , but can't because of societal and economic pressures.

To be honest, I often wonder why people decide to have children if they still want to put all their energy into 'having a career' - - because, even in this day and age, ' having it all' just isn't possible for a woman OR a man. And, before anyone jumps on that comment and says why not, it's because life in general is never about 'having it all' - we make daily compromises on what's a priority.

I've spoken to so many women ( as opposed to men) who really want to stay at home to look after their child/ren but feel they can't because of their economic and career options.

Women are still having to make the decision between family and career that men just never have to consider.
Maybe it's about time that raising children was a recognised as a job that benefits society?

@puddingandsun

So what does your post have to do with working mums?

Unless you're blaming children having mental health issues on wm?

@kritigirl

Of course its sexist twaddle

Wp parent their kids and there already is loads of support

Women are still having to make the decision between family and career that men just never have to consider.

Why don’t men have to consider it, though? That’s what we should be asking.

@ilovemyspace thing is though, having a SAHM doesn't benefit society. It doesn't make a blind bit of difference to anyone outside the family in question. It doesn't even benefit the children, long-term, really! There isn't any research I'm aware of that suggests that children of SAHMs have better outcomes, in fact it's often found that kids who are kept home with their parents struggle more when they start school.

Being a SAHM is a valid choice and it's hard work but it's a decision generally made with the mum's feelings at the heart of it, and it doesn't have any benefit to society at large.