To ask what makes someone seem ‘classy’?

[Classynotme]

Not rich but the calm, serene and classy vibe that some people just give off?

To me it’s about being slow, polite and considered if that makes sense, never rushed. Plus looking well put together.

I’m always rushing and speaking too fast and seem harassed but I’d LOVE classier!

Yes, these are the people I think of as classy (awful word) not dominating conversations and not showing off. Being kind and warm to people and taking an interest in them. People who are happy enough in their skin that they don't feel the need to prove anything

Beautiful manners.
Graceful (in the way they walk and sit and stand).
Their ability to hold a civilised conversation (looking somebody in the eye, smiling, listening, letting them speak, not boasting or showing off or having to ‘win’, not raising their voice and disagreeing for the sake of it, etc).
Doesn’t eat like a pig and knows to hold a knife and fork.
A pleasant, soft, slightly refined accent (I don’t mean ‘posh’).
Never shouts or screeches.
Speaks to everyone in the same pleasant, charming, beautifully mannered way, whether it is a Big Issue seller or a neurosurgeon.
Charm.
Love of beauty (paintings, the natural world, ancient churches, etc).
Love of great literature (reads the classics, goes to the theatre, etc).
Unpretentious.
Never strikes a pose (i.e they read Jane Austen and visit art galleries because they want to, not to impress their neighbours).
Uninterested in petty, spiteful gossip.
Judge others not by income or address or social status but by character (i.e manners, kindness, empathy, etc).
Has a self-contained dignity.
Doesn’t care what others think of them.

I hate to break it to you but Helen Mirren has a tattoo so by your definition is not classy.

OP you sound fine the way you are. You don’t need to change. And classy is just code for snobbery so please don’t envy that.

Me too - I used to be called classy all the time too. It’s only now I’m more relaxed that I realised how “trained” I was.

Don’t get me wrong- I’ve kept the good bits such as making sure others feel comfortable and relaxed around me, and not visibly judging anyone, and not swearing much. But the rest I’ve discarded as I was just hampering my natural instincts to share my true self with people. Now people get to be comfortable around me while I get to be comfortable around myself at the same time- before it was only one way.

But the irony is that 'classy' is quite non u word.

• Good general knowledge, worldly
• Speaking plainly yet eloquently - neither glib nor straight-talking yet offensive
• Not reactionary - take things in their stride but also speaking up when things are wrong
• Excellent manners and polite to everyone in the same way
• Don't big themselves up to others but are not falsely modest either

Makes me laugh that you add on the end that they do not care what others think of them. A person like this has based their whole persona around what others think of them.
It is all about being bland and inoffensive, especially for women.

Authenticity is what matters. Your life will be much happier and you will have much more meaningful relationships if you are authentic.

It is all about being bland and inoffensive, especially for women.

Exactly this. It's a horrible standard to set.

Good manners, the respect for oneself and others this brings, and the ease which can result

IMO so many of the "outward signs" mentioned - speech, behaviour, appropriate clothes, the manner of addressing others and so on - really come down to manners, which has little to do with either money or class

Yep agree with @antelopevalley - I don't like the idea of some people being classy and others not. All so subjective and judgemental. Just judge people on how true to themselves they are. End of story.

It takes all sorts.

Although why PP associates meek compliance & withholding of opinion with classiness is ... odd.

Are men that do this classy too, I wonder? Or would they be seen as milksops, too afraid to express themselves?

OMG this is me! (except for the knife and fork holding) 😂

🤨

Hippopotas I know Helen Mirren has got a tattoo (ugly, in my very humble opinion) but it's only the one, so I'll overlook that

@KettrickenSmiled Of course it does not apply to men. Men are allowed to have opinions and to talk loudly (gets labelled as confident).
Only women have to be like modern-day beauty queens mouthing platitudes, smiling and being nice to absolutely everyone.
Why you would want to aspire to this beats me.

@antelopevalley

Thank you for putting into words my mounting disgust.

This thread is utterly depressing. I can't believe we still see being completely devoid of personality or opinion as a badge of quality for women.

I do know someone like this and I feel sorry for her. I can tell, like those who said on this thread this used to be them, that it takes a lot of her energy to be so inoffensive and contained. She seems like a really nice person, but totally inauthentic. She once let it slip when she confessed an awful detail about her marriage that she was unhappy about. But the next day she was back to normal claiming her marriage is wonderful, and everything is nice and lovely.

Just be yourself. Obviously do not shit on people or be unkind. But life is too short to constantly censor your opinions and deny yourself meaningful connection with others.

@Thepeopleversuswork It is why the public image of Kate Middleton is so popular. Hopefully, she is not like this with friends and family. But that bland pretty, slim, inoffensive woman wearing a pretty dress is still what our culture wants from women. It is depressing. We should be fighting against this.
And even though I would not do this in my life, this thread makes me want to go to a pub with friends, get drunk, be loud and be very opinionated, while wearing a denim bikini on my fat body and eating a kebab with sauce dripping everywhere.

Life is short. Live it. And fuck anyone who thinks women should still behave like a stereotype of a 1950s lady.

@antelopevalley

Agree. I do find it very interesting that the Kate Middleton as life goal myth is so persuasive right now, particularly in the light of what happened to Princess Diana.

The fact that so many people see her as an epitome of good taste and conduct is worth unpicking because of what it tells us about our society.

Her job is to be a living symbol of women erasing their personality, erasing their opinions, leaving nothing controversial or to offend, no trace of themselves whatsoever on the surface of society other than nice dresses, shoes and smiles

Yes the Royal Family has to be diplomatic, non political and universal, so I'm not criticising her for this at all: she's good at the job she has to do and apparently pleasant to be around. And she does deserve credit for that, its a tough job - I couldn't do it.

But I just despair of the fact that this is seen as the best we can achieve and an example of grace and dignity and class. It makes me feel like the gains women have achieved over the past 50 years didn't happen.

Oddly, while I don't agree that behaving with 'class' and dignity is oppressive social conditioning of women, I do agree with this statement.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=_VJY97l0jVA

They get out of the bath to fart

Self deprecating. Not in a humble brag sort of way that draws attention. Quite the opposite. Quietly confident. Genuinely interested in others. Doesn't dominate conversations but always has something interesting to say. Throws a quality item ' this old thing, I've had it 10 years' with something from Primark and looks really great but ianr sent interested in making an impression as so comfortable in own skin