Would you have cried?

[SleepingStandingUp]

Went to Greggs to buy sausage rolls, counted out the cash and put it in the side, turned away to sort something in the buggy, picked up my sausage rolls.

She says you haven't paid. Not rude just politely firm

I insisted I had as I'd paid cash, remember putting it on the counter.

She maintained I def hadn't as till hadn't opened.

I'm checking the buggy in case I've put it back my pockets, my bra the lot. No cash. So I'm saying but I must have, I don't have it any more and start getting upset.

She calls a colleague over, someone offers to pay and by now I'm properly crying because I'm embarrassed someone might think I'm trying to steal sausage rolls.

Someone else offers to pay, staff again refuse to take the money and basically put it through the til as paid.

But by now I'm properly blubbering and saying I'm sorry and that I don't want them to think I'd try and steal it etc. They were v kind, reassured me it was prob a customer who'd picked it up and offered me a cup of tea.

Humiliated enough I thank them and leave.

But as I'm walking through town looking like I've just cried it occurs to me again that this isn't a proportional response, and that everyone must think I'm weird to cry so easily and that at 40 with three kids I should do better.

Is it reasonable to say that I'm being pathetic and need to toughen up already and anyone else would have breezily just laughed it off?

Or am I being unreasonable to myself and my response to stress is normal?

Grossed me out too!

I don’t want to wade too deeply into this, but I don’t really get why. Presumably most women wash their boobs in the morning and put on a clean bra. I’d imagine that our purses are way more filthy with all the different money from different sources passing through without a daily clean.

I would have cried OP. It's the embarrassment I think. Try not to dwell on it

Would you store money between your legs or under your sweaty pits and expect a cashier to be happy touching it?

I cried in coOp when member of staff told me me off for not going round the one way system. It was 7am, my first trip out after lockdown and I had not seen the signs.
I would have cried in your situation too. Where did the cash go? How weird

Tbf @StanleyStanleyStanley they're probably cleaner than most people's hands that are handling the money

You were embarrassed so understandable that you cried. Maybe youre a little stressed and it was the last straw where usually you'd have reacted differently? Its done now and unless you go in there again then you won't see those people again. In a couple of months time you'd probably have forgotten all about it.

How has this made the mirror already?

it’s not long happened 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Bloody hell someone works fast

Thank god I didn't take the approach of a pp to be rude to the staff and if any of the staff there do read the article and recognise it they'll see I appreciate they were nice

A wallet phone cover is your friend.

Still managed to lose bank cards with one of those, I pay with my card and then shove it somewhere cos I've put my phone down to use my card and then I can't find my card.
I'm not making excuses, I'm just being honest about how useless and stupid I am

I don't think it's a case of tackling it or letting yourself off. Acknowledge that right now you're struggling and that's ok. It is where you are right now, but not a place you want to stay. Then seek support, there's a few options depending on what you need and what's available or affordable; counselling, group therapy, an online support group, an online CBT program, if there's a university near you that does psychology courses they'll have a student clinic which will be a lot cheaper. Even just a book, a psychologist I found very good, unfortunately could only see briefly recommended the happiness trap, it's acceptance and commitment therapy. Different therapies help with different things.

I'm finding counselling helpful, just talking therapy to take some of the edge off. Still meaning to try that book 😏. I very much relate to thinking you're ok then something happens thats and it all comes out, then you dam it up again to keep functioning. I'm also on medication which has taken away the horrible anxiety attacks I was having. It's a slow process, but you can get through this. I'm surface fine, the issues are still ongoing and I'm not going to really be able to resolve things in any way until I can leave, but the talking and the medication are definitely helping and I can see a time after I can leave when they'll be more then just a band-aid holding me together.

I'm glad the therapy and meds are getting your u through this stage Luna. I love talking therapy. I find it really helpful to word vomit at someone who's compelled to listen and hear me. I don't really know what it is tho Tbf. I'm happily married to someone who does their fair share, no work stress as I'm a SAHM, twin toddlers and older one are handfuls but that's down to my failures as a Mom, not them. Decent social life considering. I can't quite capture what it is that's wrong

Go back today and ask for the manager and ask to see cctv if they have it and ask manager if they till up every day. If the till was up by the amount of the sausage rolls then they made a mistake or the cashier is a thief.

No, I wouldn’t have cried.

I won't be in that town for another week, we only go weekly there at most. Thinking about the practical thing, she's have had to reach for the money, it wouldn't be a quick swipe from her side. I'm convinced someone from my side took it

When you think about it your boob is probably cleaner than your hand, germ-wise. Apart from when it’s hot like this and might get a bit sweaty.

For your thread - poo bags (empty) in my bra

Ok, you said ‘they’re handfuls but this is down to my failure as a Mum, not them’. That’s a very critical inner voice you’ve got there…whilst there may be nothing wrong in your life now, I wonder if any treatment in the past has given you a critical view of yourself today? A counsellor could definitely help you work this out. The past isn’t always so easy to move on from and poor treatment can manifest in ongoing harsh views of ourselves.

Why did you cry?

Its obviously not a normal response from an adult to cry in this situation (or most situations really)

Thinking logically - what was it about the situation that made you feel so horrific that emoted that response? Work that out and you can tackle the issue

Glad they're empty, 😂

I'd probably cry too. But then I cry at anything. It only needs someone on telly to start and I join in! (Viz. those shows where people search for long lost family.)

YANBU. You were having a difficult day, we all have them.

@tryingtofindmyself Never kept money in my bra but I imagine some hands are much more filthier than tits 😝