Husband going to Glastonbury when I’m 35 weeks pregnant

[Firsttimetrier]

My husband has been offered a chance to go to Glastonbury this weekend. He wouldn’t normally be able to go due to the nature of his work, but he’s got the weekend off.

Am I being unreasonable saying he shouldn’t go as I’m 35 weeks pregnant with my first child?

I’ve got gestational diabetes, had issues with reduced movements and discussing with my midwife if I’ll be induced at 38 weeks. So it’s not the easiest pregnant but I am aware I could still have 3 weeks before anything kicks off.

I had a low risk straight forward pregnancy and my waters broke totally unexpectedly at 34 weeks. In fact it was going to be my partners last weekend having a drink before he stopped “just in case”. I wouldn’t be comfortable with him being so far away at that stage of your pregnancy.

Water is an essential part of swimming, Food is an essential part of dinner. Alcohol is not an essential part of a music festival. Stag do's yes, wine tasting tours of Bordeaux yes, but Glastonbury has other attractions.

Think it depends on what support you have in the unlikely event you go into labour. If you have someone who can help get you to hospital etc if needed then I don't see a problem.
I'd insist he stays in touch and doesn't get wasted. If you don't have anyone who can support you in labour if necessary and he needs to drive to come back I think it's reasonable to request he stay sober.

What a brilliantly reasoned response @ThroughThickAndThin01 🙄

DH went abroad for 3 nights 5 days before DC4 was born. I wouldn't have any issue if I was you.

Of course he should go. You're 35 weeks. Not term. First baby is likely to be late, so until the hospital intervene, you'll no doubt be ok. They'll give you more than 3 hours warning so he can get back if necessary. Even if you were to go into labour, you won't be giving birth in 3 hours.

He just needs to make sure he's sensible and fit to drive.

Op it's very unlikely you will spontaneously go into labour at 35 weeks. Let him go.

This opportunity is unlikely to easily come round for him again in the near future.
He’s usually working? Tickets are sold out within hours. You will have a child he’s 50% responsible for….
This sounds like a lovely last weekend of freedom that I wouldn’t begrudge him.
Make a plan for do the worst should happen. Who’s he going with? Get all their contact details. Then let him go with a smile!
Try and think of something you could do that you won’t be able to do for a while.

My son was a pre-term at 35 weeks. (1st baby) No warnings, nothing. Waters went middle of night. I personally wouldn't want him going just in case. Have you got family nearby just incase? Mobile signal is rubbish there, and if he's drinking and 3 hours away could mean him not getting back if you did go into labour.

Absolutely not what I’m saying!

I’ve had some complications along the way, with regular midwife appointments ending in me being monitored for reduced movements 3 times already. I’ve had high blood pressure the last time I saw my midwife and was monitored, but luckily that returned to normal. So it’s not been the smoothest but also understand I’m only 35 weeks so nothing could happen.

I have a midwife appointment tomorrow that he would miss as he’d need to drive down to Glastonbury, so who knows what could happen based on my last few appointments and reduced movements.

If he was doing something an hour or so away from home then I wouldn’t be so anxious. However, it’s 3 hours away, lack of signal, will be drinking that will put me on edge as he
wouldn't be able to get a train if he was drunk due to the train strikes.

Glasto without drinking 😂
Let him go OP. Don’t begrudge him one last weekend of child freedom

I'd be pretty relaxed about him going but would definitely expect him to not drink and to provide numbers for everyone he's going with so if you did go in to labour you could ring people until you got him. Realistically there are so many vanishingly unlikely scenarios where you go in to labour and he isn't contactable or doesn't get there in time that you're otherwise potentially going to be spending the next 7 weeks with him glued to your side, just in case. Just have someone nearby you can call in an emergency.

If you're really struggling and need his help physically that's a different kettle of fish and he shouldn't go.

I'm 27 weeks and my partners got a stag do when I'm 35 weeks. Not concerned really and I was induced at 37 weeks last time.

Yeah they are demented. Demented for believing that you can't go out without having an alcoholic drink. Pretty pathetic really.

Can he even go? Everyone who has tickets is asked to submit photos so unless he looks v similar to someone who dropped out or is VIP is he even going to glasto? Plus it’s already started.

I had a natural Labour at 36 weeks. It’s not appropriate at all if only for the worry about something happening

While you may be unreasonable to say he can't go, I wouldn't be impressed if I were you. I can't imagine my partner even entertaining the thought. And if it was you who got the chance to go and not him, I bet he'd be citing that poor signal and 3 hour factor real quick.

Tell that to my poor mum who laboured start to finish with me (first born) in just over an hour! I was nearly born in the car due to traffic delaying her getting to the hospital.

I know that means nothing, but I’ve heard the story so many times that it’s always put me on edge.

Unfortunately, my family are nearly two hours away if anything did kick off, so similar situation as DH going away.

First baby’s are not more likely to be late. Term is 37 weeks and the likelihood of going into Labour works like a bell curve from there on.

I have a friends whose (now ex) husband missed the birth on a weekend away at 36 weeks

I suppose it depends on whether you live in the back of beyond, with a hint of a support network.

I had an emergency C at 35 weeks, with general anaesthetic. DH was away.

Apart from going on a food run to buy mums in my ward some nice food, it would have been pointless for DH to be around.

He'd have been a hopeless hypnobirthing partner, which was our original plan. I think I worried more about this than the birth.

And there it is. Thanks for not disappointing.

The typical Mumsnet cat-bum's-mouth response to the idea that someone who drinks (as OP's husband does) might actually want to drink at a festival. Get that pathetic man into AA immediately!

This

You will maybe find the offer of a ticket doesn’t materialise because you can’t transfer tickets and they are linked to a photo ID of the purchaser. What does he say if you mention this?

This is a bit of an empty offer though, isn't it - you've said it's unusual that he's able to go due to the nature of his work so he won't get the chance to go every other year

Honestly, we can all give our opinions on what we would do and what we would like but the only thing that really matters here is what you think and feel.

Just because you know feeling anxious isn't necessarily rational, it doesn't make it any less real. Or horrible for you.

Yes, you are very unlikely to give birth, but I remember having to go to the hospital a few times with reduced movement on my own (due to lockdown) and sitting there by yourself driving yourself insane with (in my case completely unwarranted) worry is miserable.

Can you talk to him about it, in a really honest way? If you do end up agreeing he should go, then a clear back-up plan (including other people in your support network close to you) sounds like something you'll need for your own peace of mind in case worries creep in again.