Demanding Friend

[LosDolses]

Friends over 35 years,we are both 41. We live in the same area and kids went to the same school for a while. We meet for breakfast every couple of weeks. We don't ring each other for chats or text everyday but still close.

My friend is divorced and has three children. She lives in her mother's house with her mother and step dad. Her mother has always been very hands on and has probably done too much for my friend.

Anyway because my friend is single she is always looking for somebody to do something with,mainly pubs and clubs. I am not interested. I'm happily married with 3 children and prefer to spend my time with DH and DC.

She asked me out a few months ago to a bar in town and I told her my days of going clubbing and drinking in town were over and that the weekends were my time with DH and for the kids hobbies.

She text me today and said we should arrange a few drinks and bring the kids. This means coming to my house with her kids for a few drinks. My kids don't particularly like her kids and I find them quite obnoxious if I'm being honest. She's already telling me when we could arrange it.

I just find her so demanding. I'm not single,I don't want to go clubbing,I don't want her kids in my house.

Sounds like you don’t like her. I’m happily married with kids but I still find the time to go out with my friends.

Blimey! If this is how you talk about your friends, how would you treat your enemies?

I’m married with DC. I still go to the pub! They let you in with a wedding ring on.

Tell her you've mentioned it to the kids and they're not keen, so you'll have a catch up for breakfast in a few weeks, as usual.

I'm the single lone parent at 41, and my married friends still go out drinking and clubbing with me. It's not unreasonable for her to assume you might still be up for that. Its lonely and hard sometimes for single parents, and you have veto'd going out with her, so she's suggested coming to you with kids, which you also don't want to do.

Maybe be honest with how you would actually spend time with her? She's not being wrong in asking.

Also who are you to judge that her mum, the kids gran, has done too much for her? What a strange take. It takes a village and all that to raise children.

I've already told her that I'm not interested in going clubbing in town. I go out for a few drinks in the local with my DH and I'm happy with that. I'm not playing wing woman on a night out. When she does have a man in the scene I hear nothing about going for drinks. I'm happy to meet for breakfast and go for walks after the school run which we do.

You're one of those who drops everyone when you've got a partner / husband aren't you? Let's hope you never end up single...

This is why it' so hard being single as an adult with kids. I unexpectedly became single a few years ago after being 'happily' married over 10 years when my ex had an affair.

A lot of my friends live a distance from me anyway but a few didn't and it was shit sitting in on my own every other weekend while all my married friends spent lovely weekends with their families. It's one of those things that you don't understand unless you are in that situation as you are quite happy in your little family bubble. I'm sure your dh and dc wouldn't mind you going out the odd evening with your friend but it sounds like you don't like her very much so maybe just be honest and save the excuses every time.

I luckily had a friend who had recently gone through similar to me so met up with her occasionally but also ended up venturing into OLD a little earlier than I probably should have for company.

I hope you don't find yourself unexpectedly find yourself single some day op and your friends don't bother with you because they would rather be with their husband and kids.

What year are we living in? And does your husband also just want to sit at home and never go out because he is married?

Your friend sounds like a sociable person, which is normal. Inviting friends around is normal. It is fine if you don't want to spend time with her but then are you really friends? Would it be better if you tell her you just like staying at home, so she focuses her energy on finding more sociable friends instead of expecting you to leave the house?

The reason I mention that her mother helps a lot is because my friend has a lot of free time . She is also looking to meet somebody but nobody is good enough,even though she lives at home at 41 with her mother,very co dependant relationship. It's very draining listening to all the faults in guys she meets. I'm listening to it 10 years now.

You're happily married with kids. She's living with her parents with her kids. She wants to go out, have a few drinks with a friend who can't be bothered. You're not close friends, close friends make an effort to see each other not talk about each other as you have. Have a word with yourself you sound very uncaring and selfish.

One day you'll wake up and it'll be just you and DP, bet he still will have his pals to go out with.

It's not about being married. I just don't want to go out in town to bars and clubbing. I enjoy spending time with DH at the weekends.

@ILoveAGoodProsecco, Hardly, I'm with my DH 23 years.

Do her a favour and take a step back and let her find a real friend, the more you right thr more awful you sound.

So you're not really her friend? She suits you for breakfast and that is it.

I've continued to go out with my friends for nights out, clubbing, weekends away, boozy lunches throughout my marriage. We did that before met my DH, we still do it now.

Going to the pub isn't just about punlink.

I feel sorry for her

*write

pulling

I'm not interested in going clubbing with anyone ,it's not just her. Been there,done that. My life has moved on. My DH works very long hours and I've no help with our DC from family so when it comes to the weekend I want to take it easy. Surely it's possible to gave friends that you do certain things with. I've told her I'm not interested in going out drinking. She is very demanding and doesn't listen.

Have not gave

We’ll do don’t sound particularly nice to be fair OP. I hope she makes some better friends.

So I should drop everything and go clubbing with friend so as she can find a fella. We are 41 with teenagers and pre teens. I have my own family, responsibilities and priorities.

Wow some friend you are!

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but she doesn’t sound particularly demanding- she just asks you now and again if you want to do something socially. I guess all you can do is tell her you don’t want to do X or Y and suggest something you do fancy doing instead. Do you like spending time with her though? You sound a bit exasperated by her. I also don’t quite get the relevance of her relationship to her mother.

It does sound like you don't like her very much and feel slightly superior because you're not single. First of all I have plenty of married friends who do enjoy clubbing and drinking and that's fine. I personally don't like clubbing anymore because I like early nights but I'm always more than happy to go out for a meal with a friend or have a couple of drinks. I don't see why that would change just because you're married? I don't want to be with my husband and kids 24/7. I appreciate friends and having someone different to talk to.

You just don’t like her, it’s nothing to do with having kids or a husband. People stool make rind for other relationships in their life if they want too.