Demanding Friend

[LosDolses]

Friends over 35 years,we are both 41. We live in the same area and kids went to the same school for a while. We meet for breakfast every couple of weeks. We don't ring each other for chats or text everyday but still close.

My friend is divorced and has three children. She lives in her mother's house with her mother and step dad. Her mother has always been very hands on and has probably done too much for my friend.

Anyway because my friend is single she is always looking for somebody to do something with,mainly pubs and clubs. I am not interested. I'm happily married with 3 children and prefer to spend my time with DH and DC.

She asked me out a few months ago to a bar in town and I told her my days of going clubbing and drinking in town were over and that the weekends were my time with DH and for the kids hobbies.

She text me today and said we should arrange a few drinks and bring the kids. This means coming to my house with her kids for a few drinks. My kids don't particularly like her kids and I find them quite obnoxious if I'm being honest. She's already telling me when we could arrange it.

I just find her so demanding. I'm not single,I don't want to go clubbing,I don't want her kids in my house.

you sound like hard work

@KyaClark, Why do you say that?

Typical mumsnet response @Tink1989

tell her the truth so she can find a better friend

I think you're being a bit unreasonable tbh.
Why don't you suggest she comes over for a few drinks one night but leaves the kids at home so you can both relax more?

@GucciPearls, I've told her multiple times snd suggested alternatives.

@Lunarpsychobitch, She does come to my house for drinks.

Yes, you've known her a long time, but you've grown apart.
You're not a good friend of hers anymore, so step back and let her move on to find friends who she can relate to.

@Afrodizzyak, Sorry don't agree with that. We do lots of things together,I just don't want to go clubbing. She has lots of other friends.

🤷‍♀️ just move on from the friendship.

I’m widowed with DC - my friends are so great they take turns to babysit for me once a week, and they enjoy spending time with me even though they have husbands.

" Sorry,not up for drinks. Do you fancy going to a film one night? Just us no kids"

Wow! Can you actually hear yourself? She's better off without you. I'm not sure why you even meet her for breakfast. Cut her loose instead of slating her online. What a friend you are.

So she asked you for drinks, you said no and so she suggested something else with the kids? How is that demanding?

I don’t understand what not being single has to do with not liking clubbing?

@2bazookas ,I've suggested this but she doesn't like the cinema. I'm not a big fan myself but offered it as an alternative to clubbing. She has no problem telling me no so didn't ask about the cinema again.

@Canicani, No,she's constantly asking me to go into town clubbing and I've told her it's not my thing anymore. I've suggested alternatives but she's not interested.

But you say you don't enjoy her conversations, about the guys she's dated. You come across like you don't like her.

@LosDolses your OP just said she asked you and then suggested doing something else with the kids but you don’t like her children.

It is odd that she is ‘constantly’ asking you to go ‘clubbing’.

What do actually want from this thread?

@ILoveCreamCrackersMe 100% votes of YNBU

@Canicani, You are twisting things. I didn't say I didn't like her children,I said they were quite obnoxious and I didn't particularly want them in my house. It's my home and if I don't want her kids there that's my choice.

Not odd at a when I've said she is demanding.

Sounds like you've moved on and not told your friend.

Tell her you've stopped drinking.

@Afrodizzyak,Its the same conversation for 10 years though.

@LosDolses ok but finding them obnoxious and not wanting them in your home, does suggest you don’t like them.

OP. I don’t think this thread is going your way. I think what’s happened is you’ve moved on with the friendship, she still values you but your priorities ar elsewhere. She is entitled to want her closest friend out with her for moral support or whatever, and you’re entitled to say you’re not interested. I think she values you and you’re friendship too much and won’t stop asking. Do the kind thing and cut her off - you’re not interested anymore and it’s cruel to this poor ‘friend’ of yours. You don’t speak about her in the nicest of ways - I’m sure if she read this she would be mortified.