Stepchild

[Rowe12]

Me and husband have been married for 5 years together 6, have 2 children together, he has an older child full custody 11. We’ve become distant due to his child, his child hates me and my other older children from previous relationship, from the start his child was very violent like when they were all playing he would lose his temper if the game want going in his favour and hit mine and even bit my daughter, recently I cracked down on the amount of sweet intake crips etc as they became very greedy and rather then eat as much fruit as they like. He told his mum January I only let him eat jam sandwiches and how his dad hits him, social services closed the case after talking to him because he said it’s because I don’t allow him to help himself to the sweets and crisps

also things started to go missing of mine and my older sons clothes, make up toys and I caught him trying to put mine and my sons clothes in the black bag in the bin and my make up in his school bag when checking for letters. I asked him about it and he had a massive outburst threw dinner all over the floor screaming shouting at me saying he hates me and my kids (not the first time) he gets quite scary. Mother’s Day came and my children brought me some chocolates box and a big bar and he sneaked into our room and ate the lot and his reason was because he hasn’t got a mum why should they this comment has really scared me. ( his mum bothers sometimes but can go months without seeing him)

he moved in with his grandparents, my husband wants him to come round every other weekend but he works 6 days a week and can’t change that as that’s his work and it requires him to be on site, I told my husband I feel very very uncomfortable around him because of his anger towards me and they lies his told and the fact he scares me and I don’t want him to hurt mine and my husbands kids as they’re baby’s, his never interacted with them and my youngest his never met. After us being abused by him I just don’t think I can face him he don’t want us around him anyway his said that. I’ve told my husband to go round or see him alone with out us but he won’t.

Were trying to find out why, and I understand I married him and his son is part of the family and I do see him as one of ours that’s why I was asking for advice after failing at other things we tried and gave up reading all the comments as I didn’t see what crap parents we are and I think me and husband need a chat as to what our future is before we do anymore damage to the children. I just didn’t think it would end up like this we all got along so well with him and did so much together and husband misses his fishing trips with him. Thanks everyone

@Rowe12 all parents, including those in a blended family start out with the best of intentions and none of this is anyone’s fault. Blended families are hard, harder for some children than others. I’d postulate that if your step son had a good relationship with mum this may have turned out differently. It’s clear from the history you’ve shared that he’s had an awful time in his young life & simply hasn’t been able to cope with all the extra that a blended family often implies. I say this not to criticise blended families but simply because it’s a reality. The blended family inherently aligns with the adults desires and not the child’s. That is not to say the adults are wrong in their desires, but rather (sometimes) there is an inherent incompatibility between what the adults want and the children involved NEED. Children rely on the adults to place their needs (not wants) first. Few however look at it this way, preferring to focus on the possible benefits of a blended family might confer. That said, I believe that where there is a will there is a way. You clearly care else you wouldn’t be here, & I applaud you for that - the situation you are in is as difficult as it is tragic. I hope your family gets the support needed to overcome this.

Hi OP, I have just finished reading the whole thread and just wanted to come on and say I think you sound like a really lovely warm and caring stepmother. I really hope some of the comments on here haven’t made you feel down on yourself as it sounds like you are really trying your best, unlike your SS’s grandparents, who I strongly suspect are poisoning him against you be it out of spite, because you have ‘stolen’ their family away or for monetary reasons or maybe for both I don’t know. All I would say is that your DH should never give up trying with his son and in the meantime you can only continue to encourage this. Congratulations on your new addition btw, you must be physically and mentally exhausted with everything bless you.