Is our marriage over? Please read

[moppyD]

I left him last year due to him desperately needing help for issues of his past. We're talking really horrific things here. I couldn't deal with how he was anymore and I left.

I knew he wouldn't deal with it well and as suspected, he had a mental breakdown. He lost 2.5 stone in a matter of weeks. It was horrible to see but i had to let him hit rock bottom.

We separated for around 7 months, unfortunately around middle of this time, he had a fling with another woman. I was devastated but I had left him and although he was still desperately trying to fight for his marriage, I made it pretty clear we were over and he just pushed me away even further.

What hurt me the most was he put a picture of himself and OW on Facebook for my family and friends to see. Some of them had no idea we had separated and I got a lot of messages asking if I was ok, who was she, what had happened etc.

Fast forward to now, he's been in therapy for months, it's going really well, I can see a different side to him, he's dealing with issues from his past and I'm proud of him for this. We are not loving together but have spent the last few months trying to re build and see how it goes.

We have been doing a lot of talking, communicating really well I thought. However last night I told him about these messages I received off my family and friends regarding the picture on social media. I told him how one on my friends told me to 'get on tinder' basically as payback - to give him an idea of the pain I was feeling. I didn't do this, I didn't want to do this. It was just a throw away comment.

My husband has not reacted well to this at all. He demanded to know which of my friends had said this, he was really upset. He said no one knows his side of the story and how unwell he was. He really wasn't happy about this comment at all and it surprised me how bad he reacted.

He was absolutely in an awful place but he did choose to sleep with someone else, he did choose to put it on social media for everyone to see. It was never going to go down well with my family/friends! Of course it wasn't. They knew how absolutely broken I was also.

I feel he is over reacting to this. I don't know why he's being like this? Thoughts?

Great that he’s getting therapy and starting to deal with his issues. But unless he can see things from your point of view, talk rationally and calmly about your concerns ie talk to you like an adult then you’re going to be in the same situation unfortunately.

So it’s fine for him to indulge in a bit of dick therapy when he’s feeling low, then plaster it all over social media where you, your family, your friends and everyone and their dog can see it, but it’s not all right for somebody else to suggest to you that you should go on a dating app?

I mean presumably you want to be with somebody who is attractive, and personally I can’t see how this is in any way attractive.

It's not attractive in the slightest. I thought his tears, apologies, taking accountability for everything he's done was real but I don't see how it can be if he's getting angry at things like that. Again, especially when he was telling me his friends were also telling him to do the same thing. It's very much a case of one rule for him and another for me.

You really need to stop trying to work out why he is acting this way. Its not helping you at all. You can't fix him.
You are both in therapy and that's the best place for both of you. Work on your own therapy.

This! It's ridiculous that he's so upset by a suggestion!