to expect dh to keep to his word regarding having the snip....

[QueenBhannae]

My dh booked in for a snip before Christmas and his appt. is tomorrow.

He has just come home from work and announced he has cancelled the bloody appt. because he no longer wants to go through with it ffs.

We have 5 dc between us and the youngest two were very ill after birth and so we agreed no more.

I feel he is being a selfish fool but cannot force him.

He keeps mumbling about cancer and weight gain grr.

I went through 2 c-sections to deliver the last two and they weighed in at 12lbs 8oz and 12lbs 2oz and was discharged and travelling to Manchester the day after the last one as baby was transferred to nicu there.
I feel he does not recognise what a tiny thing this is in comparison and is selfishly putting himself first.

I do not want any more dc an asked to be 'done' at the time of my last c-s but they refused as I am young (26)and it is less effective when done at the same time as a c-s.

Should I book myself in and request it again or push him or just plain refuse to sleep with the b@stard ever again.

I have to go out now but will be back shortly.
Thanks in advance for any replies.

look at the statistics there's a far greater chance of getting preggers again with a woman being sterilised than a man's vasectomy..Not good.

anyway after all the pain of childbirth they owe you big time

YANBU to be annoyed. It isn't just about the cancellation, it's about you making plans together to handle something important like contraception one way and him suddenly deciding on his own that the plans were changing.

I wouldn't blame you if you didn't feel like having sex with him for a while. He's probably scared, but he's disrespecting you by not talking to you about it. What if you suddenly decided you wanted another baby and didn't tell him? It's about the same in my view.

Just get the coil. I'm on my second (they need replacing every few years). When I first had it in, I had heavier cramping, but now I rarely do. I read somewhere that a coil has as close to a 100% rate as you can get. I'm no expert, but my understanding is that if you have a sterilisation and the doc isn't absolutely perfect in what is done, you still can run a risk of pregnancy. The snip is dead easy to do, but it takes skill to sterilise a woman. With a coil, they pop it in and pop it out again in 3-5 yrs. If you have kids and aren't bothered about having more at some point in the future, you're a perfect candidate for the coil.

Can you change your doctor? I'd be well annoyed if a doctor refused a procedure I'd repeatedly asked for. Not saying your doc shouldn't bring up all the concerns about age, etc, but the whole "I know better than you about you" thing really grates.

I wanted dh ti have snip. he wasn't sure. I don't react well to hormonal contraceptives. I refused to take any more hormones and made him responsible for contraception for a change.

I'm now 17 weeks pg.

and once baby is here he's not coming anywhere near me ever again. And if that makes me unreasonable, I don't care. Because I know who's going to be getting up every night for the next few months. And I'll be a whole lot more unreasonable then, I can tell you.

It's very simple procedure - literally takes about 10 mins, then they get to sit on the sofa doing nothing for several days.

Considering the kinds of births some of us went through, it's the least a man can do for his relationship.

Ernest, I had no idea.
Congratulations. I haven't caught up with your thread for a long time now, will go off and catch up now

FWIW, I am pregnant with DC3 and DH & I agree that we do not want anymore children - I believe he should have the snip, he just laughs at me atm thinking I am joking, which I am not.
I doubt either of us with get anywhere with this though as DH is 24 and I am 23

The OP's dh was definitely wrong to call it off at the last minute without discussing it but, if he had doubts about going through with it, he really had no choice but to cancel. As others have pointed out, if the tables were turned, I'm sure we would all be stepping up to support the woman who found she couldn't go through with sterilisation when push came to shove even though she doesn't want any more kids.

We have to allow for the emotional impact the operation could have on a man. It's not fair just to point to the relatively minimal physical effects and short recovery time. It's not the whole story and we should acknowledge that.