To feel sad/annoyed by the lack of dads on the class Whatsapp group

[fremsley]

My daughter is starting reception in September and a Whatsapp group chat for her class had already been created. The membership consists entirely of mums, with the exception of my husband and (as far as I can tell) one other dad. Certainly the only active contributors are mums. My husband wants to be involved as he is very hands-on, but we both feel awkward about the lack of dads. The current nursery group chat is the same. I must admit, I find myself feeling irritated, disappointed and quite sad that things are this way in 2022. Seems to be a lot pressure on mums to manage this side of things. It feels uncomfortable to me. AIBU? What is your view of dads in these groups?

Also, I would be interested to hear others' experiences of class Whatsapp groups in general: do you think 'no dads' is the norm? If you are in one, are there any dads in yours? What kind of area do you live in (e.g. city/small town/rural)? Asking that last question because this is a small village school and I am very curious to know whether schools in more rural locations are more 'traditional' in comparison to cities. A friend who lives in a city known for its liberalness told me there are dads in her class group chat.

Yes, I am very aware of the irony that I am posting this on a website called MUMSnet!

Exactly, it's like omg 😲

I honestly I know idea how many mums/dads are on our class WhatsApp and I don’t particularly care

No need to be so rude. I wasn't rude to you.

With all due respect, what did you think your comment would add to this conversation ? Why did you comment if it added no value to the discussion ?

That escalated quickly

Haven’t read the whole thread

But yes ours is 75% mums. Some dads are technically on, but they certainly aren’t asking what’s the homework or posting about birthday parties or doing any of the wifework basically.

I hate class watsapp groups.

They're the start of obvious favouritism or judging parents.

Thankfully our school has a school app with updates and a schedule so there is no need for watsapp-groups.

They're the start of obvious favouritism or judging parents.

Favouritism by who?

With all due respect, what did you think your comment would add to this conversation ? Why did you comment if it added no value to the discussion ?

I’m not sure what this adds? But in answer, you lack of comprehension or appreciation of my comment really isn’t my problem

I've never seen playmates or parties on my kids class WhatsApp groups. It's mainly reminders, things that have might have changed from original, lost items or people giving away spare uniform their kids have grown out of. Occassionally there are a few messages, sometimes it can be weeks between message.

And judging by who? I've never found people who want to judge others to be all that held back by a lack of technology, tbh.

Or is this just more of the "school parents like other school parents more than they like me even though I've prided myself on never speaking to them or putting in any effort, THIS IS AN EVIL CLIQUE"?

The last one I was in, the popular DM shared lot's of giggling and bluntly ignore the unpopular ones.

As an example main DM would make a comment, 30 comments follows.

Unpopular DM asks a question - completely ignored until new joke post.

I'm neither popular or unpopular but I pick up for the underdog in these situations.

That's my experience of it.

I don't think there is one for DS class now, school app is very reliable.

It does sound that way…

When I say it’s useful for play dates, I don’t arrange them in the main WhatsApp group. But if somebody posts “I’m Bartholomew’s mum, has anyone seen his Peppa Pig wellies?”, I then have her name and number in my phone to ask her later if she wants to meet up.

Far easier than marching down the queue at pickup time asking who Bartholomew’s mum is and can I have her number.

That's nice,

I’m a dad and nobody ever invited me to join the whatsapp group, they only invoted the other mums. If someone adds me I’ll be on it. If they don’t then…I won’t

Ask somebody to add you. That’s what happened in our class. We only found out it existed at Christmas 🤷‍♀️

I have no idea who runs it, and I’m not going round the playground asking random women I don’t know to add me tbh, that would feel pretty weird.

I have no idea who runs it, and I’m not going round the playground asking random women I don’t know to add me tbh, that would feel pretty weird.

You ask whoever you chat to who runs the group. They will already be on it, and they will either post "Can you add brrrrrr" to the group, or add you themselves if they can. Happens all the time.

But they'll only know to add you if you ask 🤷🏼‍♀️

Kinda glad we don't have them. Although oldests class could do with something. Most parents on his class don't communicate with the school nevermind other parents

It's hardly spending every spare minute! Our WhatsApp gets a message on it maybe once a week. It's usually just to check something that was a bit unclear or to say 'we're going to the park after school if anyone wants to join us'. I mean it's not essential but it is handy - why wouldn't you do something to make your life easier just because it wasn't available in the past? When I was at school if my wanted to check something she would have phoned another mum.

Our class is mainly mums and a few dads. I'm a single mum and I take my DD to school everyday so I'm the one that needs to check if they have to wear P.E kit tomorrow etc. Their dad doesn't really have a use for it. If someone is going to the park after school etc. on a day her dad picks her up I just tell him.

I don’t really chat to anyone tbh

If only! But there's always that time your DC comes home from school saying Mrs Smith said something completely different to what the app said and you need to check your DC got it right!

I don't know what you mean about favouritism or judgement? What's that got to do with WhatsApp?