To feel sad/annoyed by the lack of dads on the class Whatsapp group

[fremsley]

My daughter is starting reception in September and a Whatsapp group chat for her class had already been created. The membership consists entirely of mums, with the exception of my husband and (as far as I can tell) one other dad. Certainly the only active contributors are mums. My husband wants to be involved as he is very hands-on, but we both feel awkward about the lack of dads. The current nursery group chat is the same. I must admit, I find myself feeling irritated, disappointed and quite sad that things are this way in 2022. Seems to be a lot pressure on mums to manage this side of things. It feels uncomfortable to me. AIBU? What is your view of dads in these groups?

Also, I would be interested to hear others' experiences of class Whatsapp groups in general: do you think 'no dads' is the norm? If you are in one, are there any dads in yours? What kind of area do you live in (e.g. city/small town/rural)? Asking that last question because this is a small village school and I am very curious to know whether schools in more rural locations are more 'traditional' in comparison to cities. A friend who lives in a city known for its liberalness told me there are dads in her class group chat.

Yes, I am very aware of the irony that I am posting this on a website called MUMSnet!

Not everyone wants constant, inane chatter in the form of WhatsApp groups. I also ignore the ones that are started at work..I always wonder why people choose to spend so much time glued to their phone. Just not for me.

Not all of them are inane chatter though. Ours is one or two messages a week ( unless something unusual has happened) and they are useful as the school isn't always that great at communication.
It's also useful for things like information on full class parties etc

I have 4 for my 4 kids and they are an absolute godsend for reminders, checking various random things the school is doing, organising parties etc. So I totally disagree. Luckily none of mine are full of some mums withering on or whatever.

I don’t think it’s anyway strange to have a dad on but I do think it’s best to only have one parent.

We have the piota app , no need for WhatsApp

No dads in ours either

Maybe us dad's think having a class WhatsApp group to be nonsensical! We managed to get our kids through school without one!

and I was on the school email list so we didn't miss anything.

My OH lasted four days on the WhatsApp group before leaving it but ours was full of inane drivel. He does 100% of the school runs and has managed OK without being in it.

How are people meant to have time for all these groups man or woman. Wouldn't you be permanently glued to the phone and perhaps you don't want everyone to have your number.

It takes no more time than MN! And is more useful! 🤣
Don't forget it's odd socks day tomorrow/bring a pound for x charity etc. Has any seen Charlie browns pe kit? (No) Takes seconds to read

I love my class what’s app group. The kids are Y11 and we all still meet up occasionally and still sometimes ask questions on there. No dads on but I don’t think any have ever asked to join. For the ones who don’t like it they aren’t compulsory

I asked out of genuine curiosity as to why someone would specifically not want to make friends with other parents.

If I meet someone I find I genuinely get along with, then I’m happy to make friends with them, of course. But I find this push that “we’re all going to be friends” a bit odd, when all you have in common with these people is a child born in the same academic year. You may as well suggest everyone at the Barclays branch in town goes out for a drink - it’s all a bit forced. I find it difficult to find time to see friends I’ve had for years; I’d far rather do that if I have a free evening than go and drink with the mothers in one of my kids’ classes. (I’ve been for the odd coffee as it can be helpful to the kids to be on cordial terms with their friends’ parents. But that’s different from trying to make them my friends, if that makes sense?)

Two dads here, zero interest being in the class whatsapp or the class facebook group.

We have a school only email, I’m yet to miss any event, deadline etc at school so far. I’ve also seen a few emails warning parents to be polite etc on the whatsapp groups.

Just because something isn't needed doesn't mean it shouldnt exist or isn't useful. Does your life only contain needful things?

Any kind of class group isnt restricted to things the school have aready told you. Are some posters deliberately pretending not to understand why an informal communicatin group might be useful?

It's ok though - if PTA need a bbq run, the dads will all help and be v performative about helping out

I am only on the WhatsApp groups as I forget everything and rely upon some of the super organised parents on there who know everything. I enjoy the eye rolling as well at it, as there is always one..,

Nope he's a c**t hasn't seen her from she was born so why would he be interested in her education ! So before you start mouthing about shit you know nothing about try and be nice THANKS

The op just asked a question about why not,
Then just added her obversation, about a different aspect, maybe you could try being nice rather than snappy

Ha OP are we on the same WhatsApp group?? Only two men in the one I set up too, my DH and another man. DH doesn't mind as such, but it does stop him from contributing as he says it would feel weird and I don't blame him. Seems standard from what I hear, even though a lot of dads do the school pick up.

Oh and I set it up because those parents ok mums with older children at the school were asking for a group. I can only do pick up once a week and DD started school during 2020 so it helps me feel more connected to the school community. I'd imagine that's the reality for many working parents in this day and age, no?

Just read back some of these comments...I can assure you that I am far from the 'class busybody' and most of the chat in both groups (usually twittering about lost school uniform with an unhealthy amount of emoji use) leaves me cold! But I am trying to keep connected as it's important for DC and I already have the guilt of a working parent who barely knows any of the other parents.

I would definitely recommend muting the class WhatsApp group. And I really wish people would stop using it for birthday invites. Some of us don't spend all day on our phones so we miss them amongst the general BS chat.

If your kids are in 6th form then the reason you’ve not missed it is because it wasn’t especially a thing when yours were at primary.

my eldest is in year 10 and we never had a what’s app for her at primary. Although one was set up when she started at secondary, it’s never taken off as the kids are more responsible for themselves. My youngest is still at primary and it’s a big thing now with her class. But I imagine the secondary one will be fairly quiet when she starts.

If we had one DH wouldn't be on it. He has a demanding job with tight time schedules. And if lost concentration by a phone continuously beeping from 30 parents it could cause an accident.
But he takes a lot of interest in the dcs education, goes to meetings etc. But he does the old fashion way of me telling him or reading the emails and putting in the diary.
If its for a class collection or whatever i just sort gifts anyway.

Lol at people saying they managed without when it wasn’t a thing years ago 🙄 we also managed without the internet or cell phones, it doesn’t mean these things are pointless.

It really depends on the group of parents, my two DC’s ones are about practical reminders, lost property, kids parties (save the date, reminder closer to the date, photos of the party), parents get together and the occasional parent asking if someone could pickup their child as they are 5min late.

Nope he's a ct hasn't seen her from she was born so why would he be interested in her education ! So before you start mouthing about shit you know nothing about try and be nice THANKS

Jesus. How would anyone know that the father if your child hadn't seen her from birth?
I think the assumption here is we're talking about dads who are involved with their children.

It's like you were just looking for a reason to snap at someone.