To feel sad/annoyed by the lack of dads on the class Whatsapp group

[fremsley]

My daughter is starting reception in September and a Whatsapp group chat for her class had already been created. The membership consists entirely of mums, with the exception of my husband and (as far as I can tell) one other dad. Certainly the only active contributors are mums. My husband wants to be involved as he is very hands-on, but we both feel awkward about the lack of dads. The current nursery group chat is the same. I must admit, I find myself feeling irritated, disappointed and quite sad that things are this way in 2022. Seems to be a lot pressure on mums to manage this side of things. It feels uncomfortable to me. AIBU? What is your view of dads in these groups?

Also, I would be interested to hear others' experiences of class Whatsapp groups in general: do you think 'no dads' is the norm? If you are in one, are there any dads in yours? What kind of area do you live in (e.g. city/small town/rural)? Asking that last question because this is a small village school and I am very curious to know whether schools in more rural locations are more 'traditional' in comparison to cities. A friend who lives in a city known for its liberalness told me there are dads in her class group chat.

Yes, I am very aware of the irony that I am posting this on a website called MUMSnet!

Thats the kind if shit I'd take no notice of. The kind of post I'd just not respond to.

People.are free to set up and join whatever groups they like.

What matters I would say is whether they upheld their end of the bargain and kept the group, if its dad's and private why would the mums even know what was being posted? , or used it as an excuse again to drop it and play no part in gathering school.imformation and blame the women.

Hahaha that husband-wife duo sounds really odd! Definitely not advocating that kind of interaction.

Jeez chill out. I've seen it happen in every group I've been in. Are you OK? Try not to be so agressive. Other experiences are just as valid as your own. There, there.

Interesting - would you mind sharing why are you not interested in making friends?

My Dh wouldn’t be interested in the micro details of our kids lives. I am. So I’m on it, and he steers clear. Also he’s not really around for all the homework and plays and stuff as he’s normally home around 9. So him knowing what the words are in the y2 spelling test would be useless

The kids will fully participate in all the events, trips, etc. they want to, but I'm assuming the school will tell us about them and we won't have to rely on other parents sharing this information

That’s not a safe assumption! Ours don’t.

And we also found that play dates happened between mum friends, not between child friends, at least in reception.

So while I wasn’t particularly looking to “make new friends” at the school gate, it’s much better for DS if I can chat to his friends’ parents and get to know them a bit. I am fully planning to step back a bit when DS is old enough to sort his own social life out!

I like our class WhatsApp groups- I found them helpful.(But almost entirely comprised of mums)
But I know most of MN hates them!

Ours is the parent who does the majority of drop offs/pick up. It started when the kids were in nursery and a few of us got chatting and added the other parents who were around.

There is about 5 dads on it, as they do the school runs and arrange the play dates.

This - ours is mainly used on a Friday and Saturday evening to compare who's drinking what (with photos) and to slag off the kids Dad who now is now the ex. I often have to mute it for the weekend!

I don't know why anyone would get worked up about lack of men on a class WhatsApp group. My husband works full time so is never at drop off or pick up, whereas I work part time, school hours. A lot of other families in the school are obviously similar. He receives the school communications so knows the important stuff, but doesn't need to be involved with the missing uniform/just checking something happening today/collection for the teacher's present messages.

Of course you can make friends without Whatsapp. I asked out of genuine curiosity as to why someone would specifically not want to make friends with other parents.

It sounds like there’s a bit of a spectrum between WhatsApp groups that are an extension of the school gate chatter and gossip, and those which are an ‘official’ communication channel for the school.

Ours are set up by the school and have nominated ‘class reps’ who are tasked with sharing school comms. They are very helpful.

I wouldn’t be interested in “who is drinking what on Saturday night”!!

There are some really weird, aggressive responses on here. And a lot of disingenuous posters.

Those posters who have no problem with men not joining their kid's WhatsApp group, what if you take the WhatsApp aspect out of it. Let's say the school has a mailing list, which it uses to send out information about school trips, non-uniform days, chicken pox outbreaks, music lessons etc. All parents have the option to sign up to it but it turns out that the list is 90% made up of mums. Do you still not see an issue with that? Do you not see how dads opting out of information from the school is just another way of absolving themselves from the tedious bits of parenting they don't fancy doing?

Do you not see how dads opting out of information from the school is just another way of absolving themselves from the tedious bits of parenting they don't fancy doing?

Well my DH was a single parent at the time. He didn't absolve himself from anything.

Class WhatsApp? We've never had this and oldest is in year 5!

DH is very hands on, he does just as much parenting as me, takes as many days off with sick kids, attends events and this month DS's Open Days at Primary School, hobbies, holidays, days out, 1-1 time, teaches them both things etc

He would hate a WhatsApp group, he's very shy, he wouldn't know how to make small talk, it would make him really uncomfortable so I do stuff like that, because I quite like being involved. He would take over things where I feel uncomfortable too. Yes it might be "gender stereotypes" on this one occasion but so what, lots of stuff we do isn't like that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some HT’s are firmly against them so they are very discouraged. They’re often set up by a class rep or PTA member and if the school are against them they won’t do it.

they can be a pain in the arse for the school depending on the parent group.

There's only 1 Dad on ours too.

We have a nursery whatsapp group and I've joined a school
Group for September

Mostly women

And it's been amazing. Has helped me to make friends and get to know others in strange times of covid

How was the group set up? If it was advertised openly and for everyone, then yes, dads should have joined it. If it was done word-of-mouth among mums, then frankly dads probably felt they weren't welcome to join.

@AllPlayedOut v handy if you are like me and disorganized and don't know about days out, times of collection, trips, gift for teacher. I find it a godsend, no nonsense, there purely for information

@Turnthatoff 3 school going kids and find them v. useful. Again no-one bothers using it unless its about times or questions, no-one gets personal, all just general info which i find brilliant. Maybe Ive just been lucky with the whastapp groups im in.

To be honest I would not want to sign up for that and I am a woman...sounds tedious as hell. Not everyone wants constant, inane chatter in the form of WhatsApp groups. I also ignore the ones that are started at work..I always wonder why people choose to spend so much time glued to their phone. Just not for me.

..I always wonder why people choose to spend so much time glued to their phone. Just not for me.

And yet here you are (on your phone?)
As many posters have said, although some of these groups are filled with inane chatter/ridiculous stuff about what people are drinking, others are useful, friendly places which can benefit both parents and kids.